“You need not get at it, for you are it. It will get at you, if you give it a chance. Let go your attachment to the unreal and the real will swiftly and smoothly step into its own. Stop imagining yourself being or doing this or that and the realization that you are the source and heart of all will dawn upon you. With this will come great love which is not choice or predilection, nor attachment, but a power which makes all things love-worthy and lovable.”
— Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj
Finished my third week in the shala. Often, I find myself thinking after practice, wow, I made it through another one, and what a privilege it is. The depth available is never ending, and just knowing this allows me to relax into the fact there is no need to arrive anywhere. The quality and attention I bring to every aspect of practice has spoken more than the accumulation of more. In the end, it is all the same. How great is it to simply stand in samastitihi. There is so much there. On the outside it looks to be simple, but the energy and attention brought into this pose is endless. Steady awareness even in the mist of simplicity culminates into what is deemed as more advanced postures. After deeper study, I've found it is another illusion to look through as I taste the core and essence of steady awareness into the simplest of actions. It only grows from there.
More than practice, bringing quality and attention into everything I do, especially when interrelating with others has become a practice to take off the mat. When offering an open ear it is amazing what people will reveal. I'm touched when an offering and sharing of experience is given even when it isn't always pretty and perfect. In the listening, a breakdown of the barriers of I, me and my, takes shape.
I've had various teachers in my life and one from my past always spoke of the principle of softening. Back then, I didn't understand the full scope of what she was trying to relate to me. On a cerebral level I got it, but not on a heart level. Now, I've come to a point where I am not only understanding what she spoke of, but I am also experiencing it. Softening isn't about being a push over, but it is a yielding energy that holds timeless strength. It's a letting go of attachment and allowing the truth of who I am to simply be present. There are times when a resistance toward this creeps into my awareness, and I've learned to give it time to play out. The choice not to engage with it brings challenges, but when I hold steady in observation, it then starts to dissipate.
As the sweat pushes out of my pores during intense practices I think to myself, please God, wash away all that blocks my inner light and my connection to YOU. It is only through surrender and the willingness to be pushed off the cliff that my spirit can take flight. The scope of my mind is minuscule in comparison to my soul's knowing.
Why can't I always trust this?
Baby steps, I suppose. Something I'd like to sit with today or better yet, STAND FULLY IN.