The high point was yoga practice and a Reiki session with a good friend and mentor. This was our second time...and again...amazing. I can't say it enough.
In between yoga and the Reiki she told me she wanted to read me something...and it fit in so much with what is resonating with me at the moment. Somehow she always has the best bits of inspiration to pass along...and honestly, there is nothing better she could have offered.
"I will not die an unlived life. I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire. I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open me, to make me less afraid, more accessible, to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise. I choose to risk my significance; to live so that which comes to me as a seed goes to the next as blossom and that which comes to me as blossom, goes on as fruit."
This is my new athem!!!
Tomorrow I'll be in Mexico!
Going to the edge is a place to discover and become familiar with. When going to the edge we get a nice little push into the areas of the unknown. We get the opportunity to grow, expand, and discover places within ourselves that have been untapped and are waiting to be brought out. In our yoga practice we get that chance...and quite frankly, I find it a blessing. Even though some days I feel as if I can barely lift my arms over my head.
The edge is that funny place between between discomfort and pain. And, I'm not one of those yogis that necessarily believe you should work through the pain...but working with discomfort...now that's another story!
All the asanas we do everyday are a training ground for the postures in our lives. When we find ourselves in sticky situations in daily existence...how can we find a sense of equanimity and balance? Will we choose fear or love? Will we choose the ego or our higher self? That's the edge I'm talking about...and it fascinates me.
I have fun playing with it. For instance in the last several months when practicing kapotasana I've been staying in it for 10 breaths instead of 5...and when I straighten the arms I'll do 8 breaths. And, believe me, I'm not doing this to prove something...but, honestly I never liked the posture. I didn't like being in it...I couldn't wait to get out of it...that is what would go through my mind every time I would do it. So, one day, for fun I was like, you know what...I'm gonna learn to love it, and enjoy it...and just sit in this discomfort a bit longer and see what it brings. And, well, it had an interesting affect on me. For one, my breath totally changed. Secondly, I felt a subtle shift in my body as my awareness deepened and relaxed in the posture. I continue to do this now...and its been a good lesson...getting out of my comfort zone...but staying out of the pain zone and not forcing. It has to be about allowing...releasing...surrendering.
So...like everything else. Once we've played with one edge its time to play with another. That's how we grow.
I geek out on stuff like this. I love hearing about people who have reached their ultimate edge and what they did with it...how they persevered...how they kept on. Its interesting. It keeps me inspired...and when I wanna start complaining...I look to others who exude strength and perseverance to keep me going.
Even though I went to bed late last night, I was up early. Got up, changed, and went straight to the mat. This month I'm participating in WoYoPracMo...yeah, breaking a bit of the Ashtanga Vinyasa yoga tradition, being that its Saturday...however, its been fun joining a community of practitioners.
When lying in savasana this morning after practice...I had that good tired feeling. Like, I had maxed out every muscle, delivering valuable prana and oxygen to the deep layers of the body. Soooo nice.
Right now I'm reading a great book about intention, and I just read an excerpt stating that one's purpose is not as much about what you do as it is about how you feel...I love that. I'm finally getting it. What an important concept to remember moving forward. Its gotta feel good...its gotta feel right.
More and more, on my constant quest for truth. I've come to realize the importance of continually connecting to the Source beyond the 5 senses. No matter what endeavor I take on, that is what is most important. Sometimes we get caught up in the labels...stating that is who we are...but we are more. Yeah...I practice yoga, and its a big part of my life, but its a tool...and because I do it more days than not, makes me no better than anyone else. It only gives me the grace of connection. Its a beautiful instrument that deepens my awareness and connection to others. Its easy to connect with other yogis, raw foodist, vegetarians, Buddhist, like minded people...whatever, but to be an example to others and find common ground, and compassion with those who may not even be interested in those things...now that's huge. Its all about being That which we are as often as possible. Its just when I make it to my mat or meditation cushion regularly, when that realization becomes all the more easier. And, damn it! I have this silly tendency to forget. But when I feel the grace...when I feel the truth of our infinity...wow...it can be mind blowing...and like I've said before, it makes me feel sooooo big and yet...sooooo small.
I've been discovering how the power of our intentions, along with hopes and desires, can pull us in the right direction if we allow it...and listen. If I can feel it...if I can taste it...visualize it...I can manifest it. And, with undying faith. Just about anything can happen. Miracles are everywhere.
I have found how important it is to align myself with others who share an inspired life and exude positivity. Obviously, not everyone is gonna be sunshine and roses everyday...but the importance of having others support...those who lift you up, instead of beat you down or discourage you on the path is priceless. And, I have to say thank you to all of those who have encouraged me, supported me, and who have just simply made me laugh...Thank you. Nothing in life has meaning without the love, the support, and community of others. Its so nice when grace happens...
All are members of one human family.
All creation is an organic whole. No
Man is independent of this whole. Man
Makes himself miserable by separating
Himself from others. Separation is death.
Unity is eternal life.
I've been really, really, really asking for some guidance. And, by the grace of the universe I got some, and it truly resonated. So...I'm going to go with it...using the momentum of this guidance, and see where it leads. Its all different for me now. I haven't embraced trusting my inner voice so much in the past, and its time for me to do so. I've got nothing to loose...and honestly, if I'm connecting to the universe and I get a message...I'll take it! Its time.
The story goes like this. My good friend and mentor asked if I'd be interested in coming over her place to hang for a while, since I'd be leaving next week. Happily I went over. We always have good times and good conversation. She recently started practicing Reiki and asked if I would like a session with her. As always, I'm open to any kind of healing energy work and I quickly agreed. The session lasted longer than normal...and let me just say, it was incredible. I felt like a sponge. Afterwards, she told me she received a clear message about 'my work'...and what that entailed. She went on telling me it came on so strongly and clearly that it gave her goose bumps. The message was very exact. And, its funny because its something that I lightly entertained in the back of my mind a while ago...but never really took too seriously, and I've never spoken about it to anyone. Its all very interesting. If I'm in the flow...and its meant to be...I don't see any reason why not to entertain this idea.
Roll the Dice
if you’re going to try, go all the
otherwise, don’t even start.
if you’re going to try, go all the
this could mean losing girlfriends,
wives, relatives, jobs and
maybe your mind.
go all the way.
it could mean not eating for 3 or 4 days.
it could mean freezing on a
it could mean jail,
it could mean derision,
isolation is the gift,
all the others are a test of your
how much you really want to
and you’ll do it
despite rejection and the worst odds
and it will be better than
you can imagine.
if you’re going to try,
go all the way.
there is no other feeling like
you will be alone with the gods
and the nights will flame with
do it, do it, do it.
all the way
all the way.
you will ride life straight to
perfect laughter, its
the only good fight
Soooooo...I'm rolling the dice. I've made the decision to go. Several posts ago I was on the fence...about should I stay or should I go...and...I'm gonna go. Because, I have to. I need to. Not so sure for how long...but I leave next week...leaving the country. Hasta la Vista! Adios! Hasta luego! Can you guess where I'm going? Yeah. I'm staying on this side of the hemisphere...but that's the only clue I'll give away. Hahahahaha. Not too hard to figure out.
But also, I have discovered the importance of taking back my innocence...washing away the learned and self-created judgments about the world, people, places, things...ideas. I dunno. I've found from my own experience that when I fall back into the fear, the loneliness, and uncertainty its because I'm owning someone else's story...that is simply a lie...that I'm not enough...or that I should be doing this or that...or that I'd be happier if I had more 'worldly' success. But, when I think back to when I was young...before the structured world started to seep into my mind...anything was possible...life was a true adventure. Getting back to the place of innocence has been like a painful surgery at times...as the false self, concept and ideas start to unravel. Its amazing how one can identify the source of unhappiness...but somehow be attached to it...strange I know. Its not like I have to reinvent myself. I just need to get back to that wise young girl who knew who she was and what she wanted. The girl who didn't care about everyone else's standards...the girl who knew at her very core that some of the greatest gifts to behold were love, laughter, and a smile...how simple. I'm not there yet...but I'm on my way...
Your body is a divine stream,
as is your spirit.
When your two great rivers merge, one voice is found
and the earth applauds
Shrines are erected to those songs
the hand and heart have sung
as they served
with a love, a love
~St. John of the Cross
"What is grace?" I asked God.
And He said,
"All that happens."
Then He added, when I looked perplexed,
"Could not lovers
say that every moment in their Beloved's arms
Existence is my arms,
though I well understand how one can turn
until the heart has
~St. John of the Cross
This morning I practiced with some friends...afterwards we made a delicious breakfast and talked about all kinds of things. I really enjoyed the simplicity of how special it was to spend time sharing our practice, sharing good food, and enjoying each other's positive vibes. It is so much better than any other form of artificial entertainment. Hee, hee.
Anyway, I am still dealing with this overwhelming sense of uncertainty that I can't seem to shake. I do my best to sit with it...observe, feel it. Its strange. Part of me feels a type of shedding is happening...as if my false self is slowly loosing its battle...which leaves me feeling a bit raw, vulnerable, and fragmented. I envision more simplicity in my life....and know that is an important part of my process. However, I'm still hoping that my purpose will find me...I'm still not sure what that is...and it's important that I find it...I dunno, I feel its something...I guess that means I still have more soul searching to do. In the mean time, I need to find the joy, the love, and be thankful...
I lived with her night and day--
I don't mean my wife or mother-in-law,
they are both angels.
I am talking about that voice in me that would not
let me hold each moment
as I did my son when
he was born.
How to slay the Nag?
I am afraid I have become fond of you,
if I spoke the answer,
Do you want happiness, a quiet mind,
a certainty of purpose,
and a sense of worth and beauty
that transcends the world?
Do you want a quietness that cannot be disturbed,
a gentleness that can never be hurt,
a deep abiding comfort,
and a rest so perfect it can never be upset?
All this forgiveness offers you.
~A Course in Miracles
In practice I have been sending energy to the core central axis of the body....starting from the bandhas, reaching up through the heart center and extending through the top of the head...with continually finding grounding with the earth. It can be a magical experience...then the periphery seem to line up in a dynamic way. Connecting to prana...feeling subtle energy...I find it one of the most fascinating parts when it comes to the practice of yoga...the sensitivity we can tap into...feeling the grace that surrounds us...its beautiful...its powerful...
I did not
have to ask my heart what it wanted,
because of all the desires I have ever known just one did I cling to
for it was the essence of all desire:
to hold beauty in
my soul's arms.
~St. John of the Cross
I had several meltdowns today...I dunno...I don't get it. It all started yesterday...soooooo many emotions coursing through me and I'm not sure what to make of it. I'm confused...on every level. So, I won't go into detail, because nothing seems to make sense...
Doing my best to be present with what is...even though it sucks at the moment...
You might quiet the whole world for a second
if you pray.
And if you love, if you
our guns will
~St. John of the Cross
One thing has changed though...my breath in Kapotasana is as soft and fluid as if I were in a simple forward bend. Now that is more exciting than the fact I can grab my heels! As if by magic a shift has taken place...a new opening...a deeper sense of equanimity...who knows...who cares...but I have to be honest...its in the subtleties...its in the subtleties where one really needs to look and be aware...that is where our sensitivities come out, and true refinement of the practice begins to develop and grow.
what you bring forth will save you.
If you don't bring forth what is inside you,
what you don't bring forth will destroy you.
Had a quiet day...it was way to cold outside for me.
I'm dreaming of warmth...sunshine...palm trees...and sandy beaches. I'm not built for cold weather. I need to escape from this. Its driving me crazy.
Practice was practice...I tend not to think about it too much when I'm done. I'm just hoping that my daily visit to the mat is helping me to evolve and become more present...I guess that is the best we can hope for...right? Well...among other things too...but I like to keep it simple.
I'm learning more about surrender...damn this is good stuff, but challenging...and still working with being open and willing. Sigh.
You were born with goodness and trust.
You were born with ideals and dreams.
You were born with greatness.
You were born with wings.
You were not meant for crawling, so don't.
You have wings.
Learn to use them and fly.
Yes...I've said it once...I'll say it again. Rumi is good medicine...and I felt this was a great New Year's poem to take into 2008.
I follow numerology for fun...and 2007 was a 9 year for me , as well as, in general...it was a year of completion...the end of a cycle. This coming year will be a one year, a start of something new. And I gotta tell ya...I'm ready for action. I've gone through so much internal shit...yes there is no better word for it...and so...we'll see how everything develops. New beginnings are on the horizon. Again, someone told me I was gonna have a good year today. I think I just might start believing it. Ha!
Started the day with practice...of course...with a dear friend. Afterwards, I headed off to meet another friend and former yoga student of mine to see her new yoga studio space in an under-served area of Columbus. I was very impressed with what she has done and draw much inspiration from her. This woman, is 63 years-old, and has more passion, and zest for life and learning than most people my age. So...her focus is on offering beginners yoga and meditation for those interested in an unintimidating fashion. I love it. And, the fact that she has her space in an area that truly needs this type of light and energy in it makes it all the more courageous...and I applaud her. Its never to late to start a new endeavor...to start something new. And it makes me wonder...what will I start?...what will be my purpose moving forward? Not quite sure as of yet...however, I am continuing to be open and willing...
A new chapter is beginning...