During this time I've come to the realization that I am in this constant cycle of remembering and forgetting. Often, I feel blessed with knowing who I really am...feeling connected and strongly plugged in. To then, almost in a flash, forgetting all of that and falling back into fear, loneliness, and uncertainty. I guess that is just life...the ebb and flow...the back and forth. The pulsation of life. That must be what makes an ocean wave so beautiful...the pulling back...and the rushing forward.

But also, I have discovered the importance of taking back my innocence...washing away the learned and self-created judgments about the world, people, places, things...ideas. I dunno. I've found from my own experience that when I fall back into the fear, the loneliness, and uncertainty its because I'm owning someone else's story...that is simply a lie...that I'm not enough...or that I should be doing this or that...or that I'd be happier if I had more 'worldly' success. But, when I think back to when I was young...before the structured world started to seep into my mind...anything was was a true adventure. Getting back to the place of innocence has been like a painful surgery at the false self, concept and ideas start to unravel. Its amazing how one can identify the source of unhappiness...but somehow be attached to it...strange I know. Its not like I have to reinvent myself. I just need to get back to that wise young girl who knew who she was and what she wanted. The girl who didn't care about everyone else's standards...the girl who knew at her very core that some of the greatest gifts to behold were love, laughter, and a simple. I'm not there yet...but I'm on my way...

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