Ranko and I practicing at Ashtanga Yoga Belgrade. Ranko is a true inspiration and I had the pleasure of teaching a weekend intensive with his students.
(Rumi)Over the course of the last few months I've had an intense schedule of teaching which in turn means tons of learning every step of the way. As most have experienced when teaching the learning goes hand in hand. I tend to throw myself into the abyss not really sure how I will land. Knowing if it flows from my heart how can I be faulted? In many ways I could give or take the label of teacher because what it feels like from my core is a sharing of experience and a holder of a method of practice I embrace in reverence.
This past year on an internal level was a struggle if I am to be frank. From last winter through the spring I felt the crushing feelings of exhaustion and sadness triggered by various events but also a pouring out of what needed to be burned away. Instead of acting as if it wasn't there I immersed myself in it. I looked at it. I observed the feelings and felt the insurgence of memories I wished never were. Like a flood everything rushed in filling every empty space of my consciousness. Luckily, I had the freedom to feel what it was I needed to feel and to be sad if I needed to feel the sadness. It is never an easy thing for your partner to experience but to have the freedom to simply be without expectation is truly an act of unselfish love.
As the summer approached I slowly started to turn a corner. Through all the ups and downs I continued to work because as the saying goes, life moves on and what we bring forth ultimately heals us. What is the use in holding back? As my energy slowly resurged with a few hiccups here and there then came a sense of softness. Oh how important it is to simply soften. Even though I can feel myself revert I come to understand how within the softening there is a receptivity on a much deeper level as before. There is so much to taste and open to and at the same time I have learned how important it is to keep watch over my energy. I tend to recharge my batteries in a space of silent contemplation, writing, and/or reading. Though it is still a challenge for me to say "no" I have learned how important it is to make time to recharge and be still.
With the approach of the autumn season I had many commitments planned and it all seemed to flow in due order especially in light of honoring the process of unfolding months prior. True in what they say that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. I can attest to that. Also looking back I can see how easy it is to be self identified with pain as well thinking as if we are special in some way because of a certain state of disarray. It never ceases to amaze how the importance of gratitude can pull one out of the dumps and into a clearer perspective. Given the opportunity to give space to the feelings is a luxury in which many don't have.
With the passing of the last several months many have touched me deeply as I've soaked in the wisdom of those who have crossed my path. I take it all to heart, in the workshops I've taught to our Mysore students here in Stockholm. We've built a community that has started to stand united in a very short amount of time. It's an energy wave that is headed into an exciting new direction and I feel blessed to be a part of it. It hasn't always been easy, especially in the infancy stages. It is work you must see through at every turn. Where practical experience, steadiness and passion must stand united for there to be growth, honoring the truth of each person I encounter on the mat.
Where there is quality and attention there is love.