On This Day

13.8.07















"There is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path."
~Morpheus


On this day...I wasn't too sure of myself...and my path. And, when I say this I'm not talking about physically...I'm talking about that internal realm that many times we would prefer to run away from. This is classic for me. And, no one...is tougher on me than I am on myself...and that has got to stop. Sometimes we get so caught up in what 'something' should look like or be like. This is love...this is a loving person...this is what its like when your living spiritually...and to be honest with you I don't buy into that...not anymore. When we put expectations on someone else...and how they should be...we miss the opportunity to truly see someone...and love someone for who they really are in that moment. What a tough lesson to learn. And, I have also come to know that the more I tap into my own essence the easier it is to be in that space.
Many times I have learned the most from those who are a little rough around the edges...because its not necessarily always about sweetness...its about TRUTH...Its about being in a honest place with yourself...whatever that may be...Anger...Happiness...Envy...Jealousy...Joy...Lust...Whatever, doesn't matter...just feel it...be with it...Be aware...No need to run...Even though many times I want too.
So...I'm struggling right now...to find clarity with the side of myself that wants to shut down and not be open and free with what I am feeling. Am I still stuck in my past experiences? I dunno...I don't even want to analyze this anymore...For it won't do any good. Sometimes when you feel something so strong...That light we all have...and its simmering inside...it just feels too hot to handle. Can I do it? Can I handle this? Can I? What is that saying again?...About being more afraid of our light than our darkness...and to love...truly love freely...deeply...
Now its becoming more clear...even as I type these words...what my purpose is...in this life...and as scared as I am right now...I know without I doubt...That I must walk forward... without looking back...

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