"I felt the taste of mortality in my mouth, and at that moment I understood that I was not going to live forever. It takes a long time to learn that, but when you finally do, everything changes inside you, you can never be the same again. I was seventeen years old, and all of a sudden, without the slightest flicker of a doubt, I understood that my life was my own, that it belonged to me and no one else. I’m talking about freedom, Fogg. A sense of despair that becomes so great, so crushing, so catastrophic, that you have no choice but to be liberated by it. That’s the only choice, or else you crawl into a corner and die." (Paul Auster)
A new year. A new day. If there is one thing I've learned is life is constantly moving, and changing. Nothing is ever stagnant, and why should it? We aren't necessarily meant to hold on to everything around us, we are meant to experience, or, so I've gathered. The mystery is something that can never be completely counted on. Once I think something is up, it is down. When I believe something is left, it is right. Through all of this, I simply desire to meet somewhere in the middle. So here I am.
Moving on, I feel the gravity of how much energy it takes not to be who I am meant to be. How sitting in the small self only drains my energy and becomes a burden. Each step I've made toward authenticity, whatever that means, has come with painful experience, but also expansion. Sometimes I chose it, sometimes it was forced upon me. Like a baby bird finally being forced out of its nest to fly, I had to move forward, even though it often looked backwards on the outside. See, when we tap into our hearts, making those mighty leaps, it will seem downright crazy to others. Often this is why some may never make the changes the heart yearns for. The pull of "what others might think" is very strong, even in the community of yoga practitioners and spirituality. It can never look one way. That's the beauty of it. We are all One, and we represent different facets of that Oneness.
I say bring on the crazy/beautiful! I say, God please give me the strength to listen to you and you alone. When you nudge, I hope I shall follow. Entering into another New Year brings a slight quiver of excitement. When feeling the pull of this emerging, a rush of energy enters in. Why resist? It is always better than I could have hoped for, or have imagined.
Happy New Year!