Hiatus

"He is the inner self of all, Hidden like a little flame in the heart. Only by the stilled mind can He be known. Those who realized him become immortal."  (The Upanishads)

Last week was a busy one. Hence, my blog writing took hiatus. I don't like to be away for long. When my schedule changes I have a tendency to loose my grounding for a bit. Thankfully, I've found my groove again. It's been a good kind of busy, so no complaints.

The previous weekend kicked off four days of Mysore class with Kino Macgregor and Tim Feldman. They make a wonderful team. I had the pleasure of meeting Kino in India last year, however had never taken class from her, and this was the first time I met her husband, Tim. It's easy to tell they both carry a sincere devotion to the practice and to the students they come into contact with through their travels. Right away, they're totally committed to everyone in the room. It's lovely. Kino guided me into Ganda Bherundāsana doing the full bind, feet to the floor, fingers interlaced, resting my chin on top of my hands. She wouldn't settle for anything less. I was thankful for the push. It was just what I needed. A four day kick start delving deeper into Advanced A.

B.K.S. Iyengar in the final stage of Ganda Bherundāsana

Last week, I taught a 5-day Ashtanga yoga intensive at Yogayama  with a group of ALL women.  I took the opportunity to guide practitioners more consciously through the practice, beginning with internal alignment. It also gave a proper kick start for those just coming off of their long summer vacations. We had fun.

I guess every teacher goes through trials of trepidation no matter what the field of expertise. I have my experience with this from time to time. I often feel this before teaching. Wondering beforehand will I have enough to give? Will I simply do a good job? Then, I remind myself no matter what, the practice in itself will do the work required. I'm only a guide in the process. And, for me there is always an element of being firmly committed to assisting a student where they are in the moment. First, coming from a place of acceptance, then opening to their unbounded potential, offering next steps, and continuing to challenge. Going through this with students is highly fulfilling. I had one practitioner share with me how through the practice she was coming into a place of greater self-acceptance and self-love. At the end of the day feeling a layer such as this is what it's all about beyond asana. I love hearing about the discovery, and the insights that are felt when entering into what we experience as yoga. This is why I do what I do.


On top of practicing, and teaching, it always cycles back to the Swedish. I've had to place a fair amount of commitment in this area. I'm learning, not only the language (obviously), but the beautiful diversity from the individuals in my class. It's been a great experience. Gosh, some days I feel as if I'm getting a good handle on the language, and then other days it feels totally hopeless. My classmates who come from various countries, besides the U.S., are often trilingual. A few, even know four and five languages. It's amazing.

I've felt every type of emotion sitting in my Swedish class. One often being frustration. Will I ever get it? Then, I have to remind myself to be patient. Step by step. Learning Swedish grammar really kicks my ass, and takes me back to English grammar. It's been a long time since I've deconstructed a sentence. Seriously, I've had to dust quite a few cobwebs out of my brain. Whew! It's hard work.

photo via

Swedish Lesson One

This is what's been keeping me occupied this week among other things. Busy. Busy. Learning Swedish!!!!!!

SFI: Swedish For Invaders

Last week, I started Swedish for Invaders. The true term, Swedish for Immigrants (SFI). A well organized government program (free I might add) for new inhabitants living in the country of Sweden. Class is 5 days a week (M-F), four hours a day, a big commitment, but essential to learning the language in the beginning. My brain is fried, but I'm loving the process. There's something energizing that happens when learning something new. Jumping in with both feet. I love it for now, but who knows, maybe I'll be pulling my hair out at some point in the near future. Let's hope not.

The first two weeks is a simple Introduction to Swedish, then after the two weeks are over, we break into our respective levels dependent on prior education. For my time slot it's only me and a young man from China. He's a cool guy, who does his best with the "l" and "r" sounds. For those who do not know, in many Asian languages, such as Mandarin, these sounds are pretty much nonexistent and makes for a challenge. Who knew Swede's rolled their "r's" as much as they do. Geesh.

Anyway, it's nice to have such a small class, therefore extra attention. I've been thanking my lucky stars for the Rossetta Stone program I started a year ago, because it really gave me a good start. It's some of the best stuff out there to get the basics down. Although, I've already come to the conclusion that I've got a pretty steep mountain to climb before becoming fluent. But it's funny, I seem to have an edge over my Chinese counterpart, because English is in the same language family, however with that being said, over 90% of Swedes speak English, and speak it incredibly well. So, out of sheer laziness I can always rely on my English to get by, which doesn't force me to speak Swedish, unless I'm über disciplined about it. With my Chinese classmate, who doesn't speak English at all, he will be forced to speak the language, therefore has even more motivation to speak it. This is the dilemma for English speaking people who move here. I mean, most Swedes understand English even in a cultural sense. My boyfriend even has an American accent when he speaks. Whereas during my time living in Asia the Taiwanese English speakers I conversed with didn't usually understand English in a cultural sense, especially when I would make jokes and such. Here, it's never a problem. Even the kids speak English, and speak it well.

I'm having fun being a student. Stretching the insecurity of sounding stupid and ridiculous, while seriously feeling like I'm back in the first grade. Learning to count, saying the alphabet, sounding out words, identifying colors and nouns, putting together sentences. Hey, we all gotta start somewhere.

I'm looking forward to the day when I can say I'm bilingual! Won't that be nice. This is a challenge I'm am definitely up for.

        

Days and Weeks

"Whatever satisfaction come from getting what the false-self wants, is always brief."

(Father Thomas Keating)

The days and weeks since moving to Stockholm have passed by in a flash. Almost in an accelerated fashion. Which is strange, crazy, and perplexing at the same time. Unbelievably, I'm picking up words everyday. My Swedish has a long way to go. The combination of doing my Rosetta Stone program, mixed with roaming about in public, hearing conversations, and such, has really made a difference. This is something I wanna hit out of the ballpark. Learning a new language. Gotta dust off the lazy English speaking stigma and work it. Being a native English speaker is tough in that it's so easy to fall into the trap of not trying to learn another language. Nope, that's not the route I choose to take. I'm finding speaking new words, having fun with it, is unexpectedly enjoyable. A welcome challenge. Who would have thought? Already have my sights set on learning French and Italian. Also, picking up where I left off with my Spanish studies. Whooo, and Mandarin. That be fun. Hahahaha. Okay. Let's take it one step at a time. Silly me.

Practice
Well. Fortunately, I've been able to maintain the rhythm of my practice with the move. No problem. Helps to have a great practice partner, I can't deny. A wonderful thing to have when used to practicing on one's own like I have, for as long as I have. Thankfully, the cold weather hasn't had much of an affect. That being, Swedish buildings are well insulated. And when outside, I don't mess around. I layer up.

I've been consciously honing in on striking a balance between effort and surrender. Often I find the effort is in showing up. When showing up, there is much surrender to be had. To be handed over. To be given. Often there are places for me to let go, and soon, I find there is even more to let go of. How could that be as the practice progresses to places more challenging? It's interesting. I play with the dynamic, and to my amazement, the greater the challenge, the greater the letting go. Especially with embarking into 3rd Series, it's unbelievable how much softening needs to take place within the effort and strength that comes into play with each asana.

I've come to the realization that it's time to no longer hold back. It goes deeper than the mere play of asana. A wise teacher of mine once told me, over and over again, "you're holding yourself back." And, within the holding back, I was often told I need to soften as well. Soften. In every way. Finally, after all this time, I see why. I see why it's become an important focus.

It's an exciting time. A time of transformation and manifestation. As this year comes to a close, I've never felt more ready to step into what it is I've always known I was meant to be. It goes beyond labels, status, and wants.

My heart wants to sing, and I no longer want to hinder it's song.

Simple Swedish Lesson