"Whatever satisfaction come from getting what the false-self wants, is always brief."
(Father Thomas Keating)
The days and weeks since moving to Stockholm have passed by in a flash. Almost in an accelerated fashion. Which is strange, crazy, and perplexing at the same time. Unbelievably, I'm picking up words everyday. My Swedish has a long way to go. The combination of doing my Rosetta Stone program, mixed with roaming about in public, hearing conversations, and such, has really made a difference. This is something I wanna hit out of the ballpark. Learning a new language. Gotta dust off the lazy English speaking stigma and work it. Being a native English speaker is tough in that it's so easy to fall into the trap of not trying to learn another language. Nope, that's not the route I choose to take. I'm finding speaking new words, having fun with it, is unexpectedly enjoyable. A welcome challenge. Who would have thought? Already have my sights set on learning French and Italian. Also, picking up where I left off with my Spanish studies. Whooo, and Mandarin. That be fun. Hahahaha. Okay. Let's take it one step at a time. Silly me.
Well. Fortunately, I've been able to maintain the rhythm of my practice with the move. No problem. Helps to have a great practice partner, I can't deny. A wonderful thing to have when used to practicing on one's own like I have, for as long as I have. Thankfully, the cold weather hasn't had much of an affect. That being, Swedish buildings are well insulated. And when outside, I don't mess around. I layer up.
I've been consciously honing in on striking a balance between effort and surrender. Often I find the effort is in showing up. When showing up, there is much surrender to be had. To be handed over. To be given. Often there are places for me to let go, and soon, I find there is even more to let go of. How could that be as the practice progresses to places more challenging? It's interesting. I play with the dynamic, and to my amazement, the greater the challenge, the greater the letting go. Especially with embarking into 3rd Series, it's unbelievable how much softening needs to take place within the effort and strength that comes into play with each asana.
I've come to the realization that it's time to no longer hold back. It goes deeper than the mere play of asana. A wise teacher of mine once told me, over and over again, "you're holding yourself back." And, within the holding back, I was often told I need to soften as well. Soften. In every way. Finally, after all this time, I see why. I see why it's become an important focus.
It's an exciting time. A time of transformation and manifestation. As this year comes to a close, I've never felt more ready to step into what it is I've always known I was meant to be. It goes beyond labels, status, and wants.
My heart wants to sing, and I no longer want to hinder it's song.