"Generally speaking, we regard discomfort in any form as bad news. But for practitioners or spiritual warriors--people who have a certain hunger to know what is true--feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we're holding back. They teach us to perk up and lean in when we feel we'd rather collapse and back away. They're like messengers that show us, with terrifying clarity, exactly where we're stuck. This very moment is the perfect teacher, and, lucky for us, it's with us wherever we are."
(excerpt from When Things Fall Apart, by Pema Chodron)
It's funny...when you ask the universe, it always answers. And, sometimes I wish I could take it back because it gets to be pretty darn challenging. A while back I made mention that I wanted to face my every fear and stare it in the face. So...now I'm kicking myself...ha! Why in the world did I ask for that? I'm weird, I know...
In a culture where what you 'do' and what you 'have' are the priorities and a way of life I feel a bit of a misfit because I can't stomach that anymore. When I 'had' and was 'doing' I never felt truly authentic when working from the outside in. Yeah...I tried to play the game but I didn't play it very well. I'm not good at it. I've always been the irritating person who questions everything...well what about this?...and what about that? I bring up the shit that nobody wants to look at...and its gotten me in trouble one too many times. What's that quote again? Something about well behaved women never make history...maybe I'm on to something. But believe me I'm not into the rebel without a cause thing either. There has to be substance behind going against the status quo.
So...with all that being said...I honestly have no idea where this blog is going today...ha! I'm truly on the verge of starting over. Once again. I'm back to square one. I had a good friend of mine tell me that very few people have the chance to start over...so I should look at this as a good time in my life and embrace it. I'm doing the best I can. I'm trying to focus on the positive and feel my way through...working from the inside out...We'll see what happens.