Caught in Between Two Worlds

30.5.09





Oh soul, you worry too much.
You have seen your own strength.

You have seen your own beauty.

You have seen your golden wings.

Of anything less,
why do you worry?
You are in truth the soul, of the soul, of the soul.

~ Rumi


Caught in between. There are days when I feel pulled by one reality on one side, to have my heart's yearning on the other. Often, the two don't mesh. Or, at least, I haven't quite struck that balance yet. No matter. This is something I am learning to deal, and handle with grace. A vigilant practice of seeing clearing, not allowing distorted thoughts to skew my vision, has been of utmost importance. The thought patterns of not being enough, is something I will have to continuously revisit, and put into check to eradicate. Just when I think all is well, I am pushed into looking at this time and time again. The questions I ask...where does it stem from?...and, why do I harbor these beliefs? No longer do I want to be a slave to thoughts and standards I have adopted, but have never truly believed in. It's amazing how easy it is to fall into expectations that have never called to my higher self, but have been conditioned and ingrained in a psyche, so deep that still, I have a tendency to falter at it's will. The exciting part is cultivating the awareness to know, to do, and make the choice not to be seduced by it.

There's a world that tells me these are the rules, when in my heart, it makes no sense. I no longer feel like falling in line to a reality that leaves me feeling lifeless and uninspired. Rules are meant to be broken for a reason. I'm not talking about anarchy, I'm talking about living on purpose that coincides with an inner connectedness that enlivens the soul in a way that is undeniable and cannot be ignored. One, I must listen more closely, and be still while sitting in the silence. Two, I must stand in a place of gratitude and open understanding, banishing the world of right and wrong, left and right...a world of labels and judgments. All awe for the truth is lost when caught in the wheel of what my little mind thinks this game is all about. True. Three, I am love, I am innocent, and part of a greater Truth I must become intimate with in order to live the truth. It is time to release the blocks that cause this Light to fade at moments. Fear often becomes a place of comfort. A sneaky character, infiltrating in the most unlikely places. However, don't most of our problems stem from being fearful of our greatness? Am I willing to take responsibility?

An innovation of living and thinking isn't always a place of comfort. Most times not. I am beginning to understand that maybe it is better not to be too comfortable, to then turn apathetic. I find comfort in my uncomfort and angst, for the alchemy of truth and passion breed ripe in this environment. No longer satisfied with the status quo, the challenge of letting go of all that I thought I knew about this world is a great place to start. Stepping outside the conditions, rationalization, and labels, and entering into a place of beauty, which is everyone's birthright, feels freeing. To have every belief system shattered to bits is where I will begin. Yes. This is where I will begin.

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