"We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations."
Sukha - does not die, or wither away. It is the happiness that we find in understanding the nature of things. Its the happiness that we obtain through nothing, it just exists in us. We have the capability of having this happiness at all times through nothing but ourselves. It is that in between of the two extremes. (source)
Lately, I've been struck by the concept of sukha. Peaceful, blissful well-being never dependent on anything else. I've had to look at my own life and observe just how much my own happiness depends on circumstances outside myself. The conditions of supposed happiness. Am I crazy to go down this road? Yes. Maybe a I am. Nonetheless, I'm left feeling I no longer desire to live a life based on conditions. I desire to live a life based on connection. Sustaining, self-fulfilling, connection. Pure and simple. Come what may, centered in the truth of who I am.
Easier said than done, right?
Big leaps of trust resonate first in the connection I tend in the invisible realm. In the core. I admit, I struggle with this. I struggle in striking a balance in total acceptance while, at the same time, having the desire to attain various goals. How much do I let go? How much do I advance forward and achieve? I can say yes to both, I've determined. The challenge is detaching oneself to the result. An everyday practice, no doubt.
I've learned achieving a certain goal and/or status level has never given everlasting happiness and/or well-being. However, I feel how easy it is to become seduced by the external structures I'm inundated with on a daily basis. The conditioning of my past. The conditioning I'm not even aware I hold until thrown up against a wall.
Obviously, painful experiences happen in life. People die. Relationships end. Things change. There's no dispute there are many heart breaking moments that map out our lives. Defining moments, when all seems lost, and dark. They push us to embody a sense of compassion to all that arises.
Again, I'm forced to look at the reality. There is a part of me that is eternal. Infinite. I can't say it's part of my daily experience all the time. However, I feel the importance of reminding myself of this Truth as a practice. It takes continual reflection and contemplation. Simple remembrance. A shift in perception.
Why is it so easy to forget? Can I still live in this world as an active participant, and at the same time, see it for what it is?
"Within us is the soul of the whole; the wise silence,
The universal beauty, to which every part and particle
Is equally related; the eternal One.
When it breaks through our intellect, it is Genius;
When it breathes through our will, it is Virtue;
When it flows through our affections, it is Love."
(Ralph Waldo Emerson)