"My life is like a stroll on the beach…as near to the edge as I can go."
Naked. Living without life's pretenses. Living who you are, in every moment, truthfully ... and, being okay with it. Ha. Being more than okay with it. Loving it. Fully and completely.
Experiencing what I'm NOT on almost every level, has really gotten me touch with who I am. It's never been easy, and actually the excavation process has often been painful. There have been times I've been forced to let go, there have been times I let go on my own accord. In both instances, everything happened when I was ready. Sometimes you need a push, sometimes you shove, a delicate balance, and ultimately it comes down to surrendering to the force and intelligence behind everything.
Now, I've come to a place where I see the beauty, and fear in standing naked in every moment and encounter. Naked, meaning, not hiding behind, external labels, status symbols, or defenses. Including, past pains, hurts and/or judgments. Can I look to each moment with the clarity and innocence of a child? Can I be vulnerable, and truthful with ALL of my feelings, and not be ashamed for the 'supposed' repercussions for it? I ask myself this.
It's amazing how we get comfortable hiding in the dark. Hiding behind all that inflates our false reality. Our false perception. Our false identity. We may continue to feed the falseness, but no amount of numbing will help heal the emptiness that is felt in this space. Thank God for living, and learning ... for living, and learning, and learning ... and living, and learning. It's a constant process, never ending.
Hopefully, as I move through life the learning process will become an upward spiral. Coming full circle, to end where I started, to now have a broader perspective, a new set of eyes, a new found clarity.
Being naked is looking at things for what they are. No more, no less. Can I look beyond the 'story' and see what is truly real? Can I look beyond what I think needs to happen? Can I look beyond how I feel things should be?
Ultimately, can I stand in the present moment, and just be there in all my stripped down glory, and smile with what is?
I've been asked, why do you do what you do? Feel the way you do? Done what you have done?
Some days, I don't have an answer. Some days, I often ask myself the same thing, but it's come to the point where I can NOT do what I do, because I'm haunted by it, I'm enthralled and burned to the core from the inside out, and once there is a taste, one can never go back. The calling is always there it is all in the matter of when we choose to listen.