The Land of Smiles

AYBKK - Bangkok, Thailand

With the director and head teacher of AYBKK, Boohchu Tanti

So much love!

The first time I traveled to Thailand was back in 2007 after a long 4 month stay in Mysore, India. My first stop was Bangkok and like many places what struck be about the city was its smell. Not really a bad smell but a very distinct one. One that is unique to the city all its own. Smells often bring nostalgia and this was no different. I had an interesting time there and can't say it was all that great due to the company I was with. I stayed for a month in Bangkok, traveling north to Chiang Mai and then south to the beaches. I left Thailand rather broken due to circumstances that arose there. An experience I will never forget.

I returned briefly over New Years in 2009, and made my third trip back in early December. It was kind of a full circle moment. This time arriving because I was invited to teach a workshop and within that I was able to reflect on how much has changed since my first time in Thailand. To see, feel and experience a greater strength within than I had before. That the pain I felt my first time when leaving, which was so profoundly deep, I nearly cried the entire trip home to the U.S. I am reminded how everything is transitory, even pain. And that somehow what I experienced then was a good thing in the larger scope of my life. It is always hard to see that when in the mist of it, but undoubtedly this is true. These experiences help us to empty out to then have something greater fill us up inside.

This past December I felt so much love. A beauty and a enthusiasm that is distinctly Thai. The amazing thing about feeling at home inside is that you then start to feel at home everywhere and that love doesn't cease. What I am realizing is what I have been searching for lives deep within my heart. At every moment and within every breath.

When teaching I'm not afraid to say, hey, I'm just trying to figure all this stuff out too, but I am here for you and let's ride this out and see where we land and we will do it together. Teaching can be rather terrifying for me because often I feel there is so much more for me to learn and I feel as if I will never know enough but then I remember that simply holding space for others is enough because I would rather be an open vessel for something more to work through me.

Unspeakable gratitude is all I can express. To have years ago made the scary leap to live the life I knew I was meant to live. Nothing about it has been easy, and thank God it wasn't, because we must burn. Burning bright has to endue the heat of discomfort. We must step into reality that has great plans for us, and that goes far beyond what we can imagine.

To love fully and live well requires us to recognize finally that we do no possess or own anything--our homes, our cars, our loved ones, not even our own body. Spiritual joy and wisdom do not come through possession but rather through our capacity to open, to love more fully, and to move and be free in life. (A Path with Heart, by Jack Kornfield)

So...after rummaging through my storage unit I came across one of my favorite books...and I feel compelled to read it again...even though I have numerous pages flagged and marked...and yeah! I'm a big old sap...I'm not afraid to admit it...but I think that's why I've carried much pain in my life...because I do...I put my heart into everything I do...and sometimes I've been taken advantage of...and sometimes I've been taken for granted...but I don't regret...because at least I put my heart in soul into it...and I'll keep doing it...no matter if I get burned or not...because that's not the point...it goes back to my intention and as long as that is in alignment...who cares about the rest...

Back to Basics

So...I'll be explaining later...But truly...Its time for me to get back to basics...Down to the bare bones. You know I never realized how wound up our culture was until I went to India...or even how wound up I was...or was it too much Starbucks?...Anyways, its been an interesting adjustment since being back and its almost been shocking to the system...everything just hasn't registered yet...but when it does...and my feet are yet again firmly planted on the ground...I'll be adding more of my thoughts...If you dare to go down that road with me...Ha! Brave souls...

Still,
What I want in my life is to be willing to be dazzled.
To cast aside the weight of facts, and even to float a little above this difficult world. I want to believe that the imperfections are nothing, that the light is everything. I want to believe I am looking into the white fire of a great mystery.
And I do.

~Mary Oliver

The Reclining Buddha

Again and again I have emphasized that the process of spiritual growth is an effortful and difficult one. This is because it is conducted against a natural inclination to keep things the way they were, to cling to the old maps and old ways of doing things, to take the easy path...
As in the case of physical evolution, the miracle is that this resistance is overcome. We do grow. Despite all that resists the process, we do become better human beings. Not all of us. Not easily. But in significant numbers humans somehow manage to improve themselves and their cultures. There is a force that somehow puses us to choose the more difficult path whereby we can transcend the mire and muck into which we are so often born.

The Road Less Traveled~By M. Scott Peck

I'm Back

"Men acquire a particular quality by constantly acting a particular way...you become just by performing just actions, temperate by performing temperate actions, brave by performing brave actions." ~Aristotle

So...after a long hiatus...I'm back...back to blogging. Its a bit unfortunate that I haven't kept up with it for there has been much that has happened since my last blog. However, I'll just have to fill in the blanks the best I can. I have since left Mysore, India and would like to recap my trip...that will be coming...I'm still piecing together the significance of my Mysore experience and will be posting that very shortly. So, from Mysore I made the fairly short flight over to Thailand...Bangkok that is...and let me just say...coming from the simplicity of Mysore, India after a four month stay...and then going straight to Bangkok can be quite a shock for the system!! Talk about going from one end of the spectrum to the other! Anyway...after about 12 days in Bangkok...I made my way up to Chiang Mai...to extend my time with a little special someone...However, soon it will be time for me to head back home...and for some reason I feel ready to do as such...more to come. Peace.