The Land of Smiles

AYBKK - Bangkok, Thailand

With the director and head teacher of AYBKK, Boohchu Tanti

So much love!

The first time I traveled to Thailand was back in 2007 after a long 4 month stay in Mysore, India. My first stop was Bangkok and like many places what struck be about the city was its smell. Not really a bad smell but a very distinct one. One that is unique to the city all its own. Smells often bring nostalgia and this was no different. I had an interesting time there and can't say it was all that great due to the company I was with. I stayed for a month in Bangkok, traveling north to Chiang Mai and then south to the beaches. I left Thailand rather broken due to circumstances that arose there. An experience I will never forget.

I returned briefly over New Years in 2009, and made my third trip back in early December. It was kind of a full circle moment. This time arriving because I was invited to teach a workshop and within that I was able to reflect on how much has changed since my first time in Thailand. To see, feel and experience a greater strength within than I had before. That the pain I felt my first time when leaving, which was so profoundly deep, I nearly cried the entire trip home to the U.S. I am reminded how everything is transitory, even pain. And that somehow what I experienced then was a good thing in the larger scope of my life. It is always hard to see that when in the mist of it, but undoubtedly this is true. These experiences help us to empty out to then have something greater fill us up inside.

This past December I felt so much love. A beauty and a enthusiasm that is distinctly Thai. The amazing thing about feeling at home inside is that you then start to feel at home everywhere and that love doesn't cease. What I am realizing is what I have been searching for lives deep within my heart. At every moment and within every breath.

When teaching I'm not afraid to say, hey, I'm just trying to figure all this stuff out too, but I am here for you and let's ride this out and see where we land and we will do it together. Teaching can be rather terrifying for me because often I feel there is so much more for me to learn and I feel as if I will never know enough but then I remember that simply holding space for others is enough because I would rather be an open vessel for something more to work through me.

Unspeakable gratitude is all I can express. To have years ago made the scary leap to live the life I knew I was meant to live. Nothing about it has been easy, and thank God it wasn't, because we must burn. Burning bright has to endue the heat of discomfort. We must step into reality that has great plans for us, and that goes far beyond what we can imagine.

To love fully and live well requires us to recognize finally that we do no possess or own anything--our homes, our cars, our loved ones, not even our own body. Spiritual joy and wisdom do not come through possession but rather through our capacity to open, to love more fully, and to move and be free in life. (A Path with Heart, by Jack Kornfield)

So...after rummaging through my storage unit I came across one of my favorite books...and I feel compelled to read it again...even though I have numerous pages flagged and marked...and yeah! I'm a big old sap...I'm not afraid to admit it...but I think that's why I've carried much pain in my life...because I do...I put my heart into everything I do...and sometimes I've been taken advantage of...and sometimes I've been taken for granted...but I don't regret...because at least I put my heart in soul into it...and I'll keep doing it...no matter if I get burned or not...because that's not the point...it goes back to my intention and as long as that is in alignment...who cares about the rest...

Back to Basics

So...I'll be explaining later...But truly...Its time for me to get back to basics...Down to the bare bones. You know I never realized how wound up our culture was until I went to India...or even how wound up I was...or was it too much Starbucks?...Anyways, its been an interesting adjustment since being back and its almost been shocking to the system...everything just hasn't registered yet...but when it does...and my feet are yet again firmly planted on the ground...I'll be adding more of my thoughts...If you dare to go down that road with me...Ha! Brave souls...

This song is dedicated to the one who taught me not only to trust in others but to most importantly trust in myself...I love you and I thank you...You've have shown what's true...You've shown me what's real...

"Forbidden Love"

Just one kiss on my lips
Was all it took to seal the future
Just one look from your eyes
Was like a certain kind of torture

Once upon a time
There was a boy
There was a girl

Just one touch from your hands
Was all it took to make me falter

Forbidden love
Are we supposed to be together
Forbidden love
Forbidden love
We seal the destiny forever
Forbidden love
Forbidden love

Just one smile on your face
Was all it took to change my fortune
Just one word form your month
Was all I needed to be certain

Once upon a time
There was a boy
There was a girl
Hearts that intertwine
They lived in a different kind of world

(Chorus)

Just one kiss
Just one touch
Just one look

(Chorus)

Just one kiss
Just one touch
Just one look
Just one love

(by Madonna~from Confessions on a Dance Floor, 2005)

Still,
What I want in my life is to be willing to be dazzled.
To cast aside the weight of facts, and even to float a little above this difficult world. I want to believe that the imperfections are nothing, that the light is everything. I want to believe I am looking into the white fire of a great mystery.
And I do.

~Mary Oliver

Chicken Island

Who can tell what miracles
Love has in store for us
If only we had the courage
To become one with it?
Everything we think we know now
Is only the beginning
Of another knowing that itself has no end.
And everything we now can accomplish
Will seem derisory to us
When the powers of our divine nature
Flower in glory and act through us.

~Iqbal

"It is only with total humility, and in absolute stillness of mind that we can know what indeed we are."

The Tenth Man, by Wei Wu Wei

"In the Moral World we again find the same law; we speak of good and evil, but Good is a reality, something tangible, while Evil is found to be simply a negative condition, the absence of Good. Evil is sometimes thought to be a very real condition, but it has no principle, no vitality, no life; we know this because it can always be destroyed by Good; just as Truth destroys Error and light destroys darkness, so Evil vanishes when Good appears; there is therefore but one principle in the Moral World."

The Master Key System~by Charles F. Haanel

Koh Pi Pi Leah~Maya 'The Beach' Bay

"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds..."
~Albert Einstein

The Reclining Buddha

Again and again I have emphasized that the process of spiritual growth is an effortful and difficult one. This is because it is conducted against a natural inclination to keep things the way they were, to cling to the old maps and old ways of doing things, to take the easy path...
As in the case of physical evolution, the miracle is that this resistance is overcome. We do grow. Despite all that resists the process, we do become better human beings. Not all of us. Not easily. But in significant numbers humans somehow manage to improve themselves and their cultures. There is a force that somehow puses us to choose the more difficult path whereby we can transcend the mire and muck into which we are so often born.

The Road Less Traveled~By M. Scott Peck

Railay Beach~Krabi, Thailand

"Be fearless and pure; never waver in your determination or your dedication to the spiritual life. Give freely. Be self-controlled, sincere, truthful, loving, and full of the desire to serve. Realize the truth of the scriptures; learn to be detached and to take joy in renunciation. Do not get angry or harm any living creature, but be compassionate and gentle; show good will to all. Cultivate vigor, patience, will, purity; avoid malice and pride. Then, Arjuna, you will achieve your divine destiny."

~The Bhagavad Gita 16:1-3

Just a Thought...

"If you advance confidently in the direction of your dreams, and endeavor to live the life you have imagined, you will meet with the success unexpected in common hours. You will pass an invisible boundary...If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. "

Now put the foundation under them.

~Henry David Thoreau

Life is funny...its so interesting how one's perspective can change and expand just stepping out of the environment that had become so comfortable and safe...to then step out of it and then to come back into it...how everything changes...and looks different. I highly recommend it. Because often times we don't see things as clearly until we step out of it. Make sense?
And, the amazing thing is how that changes your relationships with some you thought had your best interest at heart...and on the flip side how others step up to the plate because they get it. They don't ever want to see your wings clipped and aren't intimidated by how high you can fly. Because when we allow others to do so...and are open to it...it only helps and expand the greater whole! That is why I am still gonna continue on the path...even though it has come with some disappointments...but then how can that be?..because it must mean there's something better on the horizon...and to continue to surround myself with others who uplift me...inspire me...who are more evolved than me...and help push me to go to those places that can only get me in touch with my higher self.
So on my quest of doing my best to focus on what's good in a sea of uncertainty...I guess I can't complain. I've got my practice...I've got my experiences that have left me so full of gratitude and love...what else...and yeah...I've got people...friends...who never cease to amaze me...I've must have done something right in a former life to deserve such love and support. I will never forget.
And...to my little someone I took a big risk for...you where completely worth it...more than you'll ever now...and I would do it again if I had the choice. With out a doubt! Because you've shown me what's most important...the simple things...life doesn't have to be complicated...its simple...why is that so hard for some to understand. Its hard to let go of our grip...to surrender...and let our pride go to the waste side. Love to all.

Sunset off the Coast of Krabi, Thailand

Blogged with Flock

"When you’re in love, make sure you love that person for who they are, not what they do for you, or what you want them to be, or do, or how you want them to make you feel. Love without expectations. Love without worrying so much about the future. It feels really good that way. And love all the people around you out of compassion. Love people who don’t know better. Love even people who are not nice to others, because those people are probably in pain. Find a way to fill yourself up and feel secure enough to open your heart. That’s when the good stuff happens. Love makes the world revolve. Put it out there and it comes back to you. And it feels nice."

~Sarma Meingailis (Author of Raw Food Real World)


I want to take a time to give thanks...even though I feel a bit scared and uncertain about what the future holds for me after my 5 month hiatus of yoga, travel, and self-discovery. Its funny how I get bold with myself and want to face every fear I have and tackle it head on...but when it comes...all I want to do is run and hide...at least I can laugh at myself. I guess I'm not as tough as I thought...ha!

But seriously, there is something I took from my trip that came on so unexpected...and that's a lesson in love. This is coming from someone who has often felt unlucky in this arena...and to be given a true lesson on what it all means is something I will hold dear to my heart. Even though I'm back home and broke...the experiences and lessons that have come my way make it all worthwhile. Yes! For once I took a risk. I exposed myself...opened up as best I could...and was shown what love is...and I'm not talking about roses and chocolates...I'm talking about more than that...I'm talking about being a channel of it...and damn, finally giving in to the fact that I deserve it for once in my life. That's huge.

So...as I sit back in Columbus, Ohio...scheming my next escape plan...just kidding!!! (wink, wink). I feel bittersweet. But, if I'm able to piece this one together...there will be hope for me yet! God Bless.

Blogged with Flock

"There remains something subtle, intangible and inexplicable. Veneration for this force beyond anything that we can comprehend is my religion." -Albert Einstein

Weeks After Inida

"The pursuit of truth and beauty is a sphere of activity in which we are permitted to remain children all our lives." ~Albert Einstein


Taking time to absorb and digest the significance of India is something that I know has started a stirring...a fire in my soul that has begun a new road of deeper understanding and knowing. It is all just the beginning...and just when I feel this deeper understanding I soon come to realize that I don't know anything at all...still...and maybe it doesn't matter...because when life is felt through the heart there is a boundless wealth of riches that can never diminish. The challenging part is to continue to remember...and not forget...but if I do...which I probably will...I have faith that I will make my way back because there are better tools for me to use now...there is inspiration that I have pulled from others who have uplifted me and have been the example of compassion, love, and lightness. So...even though I feel as if I am on shaky ground I can use each moment as an opportunity to to trust more...to love...and hopefully to laugh and open. Even as I write this I can say that these are still challenging things for me to open into...but the awareness is there...and at least I can look inside, feel what I'm truly made of , and be more of who I am. Isn't that what we are all after anyway? I dunno.
So...do I miss India? Yes! Like crazy...and it still baffles me as to why...its an amazing place...that digs deeper into you than one can ever expect or hope to realize...strange...but true.

I'm Back

"Men acquire a particular quality by constantly acting a particular way...you become just by performing just actions, temperate by performing temperate actions, brave by performing brave actions." ~Aristotle

So...after a long hiatus...I'm back...back to blogging. Its a bit unfortunate that I haven't kept up with it for there has been much that has happened since my last blog. However, I'll just have to fill in the blanks the best I can. I have since left Mysore, India and would like to recap my trip...that will be coming...I'm still piecing together the significance of my Mysore experience and will be posting that very shortly. So, from Mysore I made the fairly short flight over to Thailand...Bangkok that is...and let me just say...coming from the simplicity of Mysore, India after a four month stay...and then going straight to Bangkok can be quite a shock for the system!! Talk about going from one end of the spectrum to the other! Anyway...after about 12 days in Bangkok...I made my way up to Chiang Mai...to extend my time with a little special someone...However, soon it will be time for me to head back home...and for some reason I feel ready to do as such...more to come. Peace.