In Step

23.5.10

 The Pearl - Reykjavik, Iceland

"The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact than a drunken man is happier than a sober one."
(William Shakespeare)


Ah. In the past several weeks I've been out in left field. This is often where I find myself anyway. Haha. Departed from writing personal accounts on my blog I've been in heavy contemplation. I had no choice. When feelings come up this intense they must be dealt with. It's been one of those times where again I've had to look at myself, blatantly. Now I'm on a roll. Why stop? Once I've had the opportunity to name the fears I've held inside, as challenging as it is to look, nothing feels better then to be free of them.

I'm understanding how contemplative work is never a comfortable experience. It just isn't. It's rewarding, but never an easy going, fun ordeal. Much like consistent yoga practice - twisting, binding, bending, flexing, jumping isn't always fun, but we sure do feel better when it's all done. Makes it worth it.

What have I been tapping into? My emotions. I mean really taking a look at them. Somewhere along the path I've gotten into the habit of judging what I'm truly feeling. Doah! This pattern has gotten me stuck in various areas of my life. Really stuck. Conditioning I developed at a young age, it saved my ass in many instances, and to my amazement, is astonishing how deeply ingrained it is. 

Through the practice of yoga I've embraced the power to shed many layers, and this is another that has come up. Stuck emotions. Like I've said before, what's the use of practicing yoga if in turn I don't take the awareness developed by consciously opening to what needs to be shed. Shit! This has been a long time coming. Releasing feels like welcome liberation.

Everything comes to the forefront when the time is ripe. Like I've told many yoga students, a flower blooms when it's ready. With extra time in solitude, listening, I had no choice but to observe the place where I stand in NOW. It's beautiful, even though there's a multitude of feelings to be felt. Not all feel spectacular to begin with, but no matter, this is the juice of life.

No TV, no movies to watch, only a few books, being pulled out of distractions have allowed me to really sit with myself, and damn it, it's not so scary. Am I stepping into a greater appreciation of my being? Ha! I just might be.

My stay in Iceland is winding down. The time flew by. With it being my first time to discover this magical island I know I'll be back.

My unique experience regarding Iceland has been my dreams. I've had the most vivid dreams, in a stretch, than I can recall ever in my life. Seriously. I'm talking about gnarly, animated, dynamic dreams. Many mornings I've had to lie in bed and be like WTF was that? Really. Deciphering some of these vivid nightscapes has been like walking through a maze of the subconscious. Where do I start? Some type of energy is moving through. Not sure what, but the energetic nature of this place amplifies it.

Is this why Icelanders are so damn creataive? Hmmmm. I need to start writing down my nightly dramas. Who knows what it could lead to ...

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