To Feel Rather than to Think

29.1.12

Mysore, India

"It`s always difficult. To feel, rather than to think, to tap into that source and let it come through you. It takes courage. Because we feel it and then we get scared and we analyze it. We live in this thought web, we identify things and put them away and distance ourselves from them. But to be completely present? That is source, that is art, that is spirituality. And meditation is a way to defy fear and experience that source."    — Ben Foster 


I've always had an active mind. I contemplate. I analyze. Please understand, I'm a Virgo. Haha. Excuses. Excuses. When first practicing yoga, I had a revelation when experiencing non-identification with thought. Truly, it was amazing. I felt more deeply connected to others, even myself. This spaciousness came into my awareness like a flood. I also learned wanting to maintain or hold on to the experience made it even more elusive. Live and learn. 


It's been a long road in holding what I feel with value. To not judge, and use it as a source of information. Every inkling carries weight. I'm just beginning to realize. Listening, observing, I learn multitudes, rather than spattering off at the mouth. In the silence comes strength. I don't have to be seen, because I already recognize what is important. There is a wellspring of wisdom that comes with the emotions and feelings that aggregate through the practice of yoga or in just living. 


Walking down a supposed 'spiritual path' one can get inundated with more concepts and ideas to fill the head with. Although I am an avid reader of books I know it doesn't necessarily make me anymore informed. In many ways I read to keep myself open. To be open to varying view points and experiences. I love reading about human exploits. I feel more humane doing so. It gives rise to compassion. We are not alone in our plight. It's grounding, in a way, as I put myself in the shoes of another.


More and more I don't see the value in holding onto more concepts and ideals. If I hold a belief system of some sort I want to stay open enough to be proven wrong in what I believe, if this is the case. There's a freshness that comes with this. I don't have to be identified with anything. There is nothing to loose. At the same time I can always stand for something. Truth is true.


If I feel scared there is something to learn about my fear. If I feel dislike, anger, sadness, distress, anxiety, this is all good stuff. This is where the intimacy of life lives. I don't have to run away from the discomfort. 


I have come to realize when practicing yoga, if I allow the energy to work through, there is a rawness that tends to emerge. This raw place leads one to possibly feel exposed. Vulnerable. Soft. Broken. Like a shattering of an exterior. Allowing the essence of being to bleed through. It never unfolds in any one way. It is as unique as the individual. It's beautiful. 

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