In the stillness of the mind I saw myself as I am - unbound.
Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj 

Been out in no man's land for the month of Feb, figuratively. It always takes a month to readjust after trips to India. The longer the trip sometimes the longer the adjustment. Over the years I've learned how to re-enter with more awareness and hopefully with a semblance of grace. It isn't really all that bad. I packed in a fair amount of work for when I arrived back so I got myself up to speed rather quickly. Probably better to slowly ease in, but it couldn't be helped after we were delayed arriving back home. Now March is here!. More light, even though still cold, makes a huge difference in terms of morale. I'm always astonished by this. I used to find it strange when Swedes would bask in the sunlight, eyes closed, head raised skyward, whenever there would be even a tiny ray of light available. Let's just say, I understand. I bask, but not in anyone's view, hahaha. It's like being thirsty, dying for a drink of water, but in terms of needing sunlight. I just don't think I could hack an entire winter here. Like I said before it's not really the cold, it's the lack of light that can be a challenge.

Though I didn't go into full fledged winter blues I felt more raw this winter than pervious interludes, and that's really the best way to describe it. I can only imagine what it would have been like if I didn't travel to India. I know, I sound soft. I definitely felt it in practice. Sometimes during, I would feel as if being skinned alive. Raw. Strange feeling, I know. It sounds intense but I can't really say it was intense like an overwhelming feeling but more like something slowly creeping up on me. This raw feeling would follow me through out the day. Sensitive to others energies in a way that had a different texture and quality. See I'm not really intellectual in my intuitions. When I have a hunch, it will come to me in a feeling that I can only describe as you would a cashmere sweater or sand paper.

Strange things have been going on with my back and it literally varies from one day to the next. So in that sense, my attention can't afford to waver. Leaving nothing to chance. The best way to describe it is I literally have a thorn in my side (right lower back). I have inklings as where this stems from on various levels. I'm gonna have to tune into the subconscious. Maybe there is something there. Maybe not. Ha! There always is.

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