Practice today...oh my lord...was quite a spectacle for me. Literally, when moving and breathing this morning I was like...why did I even bother getting out of bed...everything seemed to hurt...and the whole time I was like...why?? Then it came to me...ohhhh...second month...comes the pain. I really didn't believe it when Tim told me this...I thought I could easily squeak by the pain part...because honestly I haven't experienced much of it in my practice...But...the whole time...(I'm laughing about it know)...I was like...WTF!!! There has been this annoying tightness in my lower left backside...that I swear to God, its holding on for dear life. Its that spot...I have written about in earlier posts...it just doesn't seem to want to let go...I guess I just have to be patient. On top of that I felt weak during my vinyasas...and my hamstrings felt about 1 inch long...and my heart hurts...it was all I could do not to give up. However I kept telling myself "body strong...mind weak...just keep breathing..." Then...funny thing is when Sarawati came up to me for back bending she looked at me curious like...and said..."Only Primary??" All I could muster was a weak..."yes..." Then today of all days she had me not reach back for my ankles...or my lower shins...but she had me reach high up on my shins!!! Let me just say...I didn't just see the sun, the moon and the stars...I saw the entire cosmos! When I popped up to standing...I felt drunk...energy coursed through my body.
With all that being said...it allows me to reflect on how important is to be just as present during challenging times as in good times...that's why this practice is such an awesome training ground for our own inner growth and experience. I mean...there really is no good practice or bad practice...there just is...and there is this awesome chance to observe and persevere...and to surrender to whatever lies ahead...with grace and equanimity. Its so easy to get caught up in the drama of any given situation and let that be the focus...allowing it to take over. But, the empowering part is the choice to take a step back...see things clearly for what they are...and release the stuff that holds us back and doesn't serve us anymore...Such as negative self talk, insecurity, and doubt. I am not sure if I make any sense...I am still trying to soak in what it means for me in my life...but, damn...I think I am beginning to understand. Peace.