Waterfalls

19.6.07















"...Tears begin in the heart, but some of us deny the heart so often, and for so long, that when it speaks we hear not one but a hundred sorrows in the heartbreak. We know that crying is a good and natural thing. We know that crying isn't a weakness, but a kind of strength. Still, the weeping rips us root by tangled root from the earth, and we crash like fallen trees when we cry."
-excerpt from Shantaram, by Gregory David Roberts

So...I have just started taking meditation classes from Kumar here in Gokolum. This week, being my first week to participate, I get thrown into some technique I have never been exposed to and is very intense. When Kumar started to explain what we were going to do...I quickly looked at the door like...should I just exit quietly and call it a day. But, alas, something kept me there...curious for one...but also...I like to test my limits. Just how far can I go...
He went on to tell us that we will be breathing heavily out through our mouth for 40 minutes...something about holo-tropic breathing...I think...not sure. Anyway...we start by lying down...and he plays some music that helps with finding rhythm to our breath. From the very beginning I was like what in the hell did I just get myself into...I don't wanna do this...but something inside me kept me going...but there were so many times I wanted to stop. Kumar explained that this technique is extremely powerful...and brings stuck emotions to the surface to be released...hmmmm...okay...let's see. After 40 exhausting minutes he had us slow down our breathing and just let go... All I can say is...after doing it yesterday and today...there is definitely something to it. He told us to be aware of any dreams we have or be observant of other reactions. Last night...I did have a interesting dream...about a hurtful situation that happened in high school...weird...guess I didn't let that one go. Today after our 40 minute breathing session...I laid still...and I went somewhere...that if I had the choice I would have never come back. Afterwards...one of the other girls who participated in the group looked at me and said that I looked incredibly peaceful...I was like...I do? Thanks...and she said...no... thank you. With that being said tomorrow...we have one more day of this technique...its just interesting...and I'm always game. But, it really struck me how much grace washes over you when your done...and it brings me back to how incredible that stillness is that we all have inside. I think thats why Yoga has had such a powerful affect on my life. I truly know in heart that I could lose everything...everything I own...everyone I have ever loved...I could be out casted by others...I could be ridiculed...and deemed unworthy...but!...There is something inside that no one can touch, steal, or take...and we all have it...that little light...thats in the beginning and the end...that never ceases...and never diminishes...
I'll always have my mat...heck, someone could steal my mat too...but I would still have my practice...I could still go back home. Peace.

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