The Time Has Come...

16.12.07

The B.F. is flying in tonight. Late. I can't believe it. I can't believe I am gonna see him again. It will all be very telling on many different levels. How have we prevailed after all this time? And...why am I absolutely drawn to him? It is all unexplainable. Never would I have thought I would be feeling this now a year ago...

I struggle with being deserving. I have run from it in subtle ways. I only allow someone in only so much. Sad...several days ago I almost wished he would call and tell me that he didn't want to come see me because as f#*@ed up as it sounds it all scares me to open myself up again...to open my heart to someone. However, in the short time that we met...He wouldn't stand for it...pushing me ever so gently to surrender. Also, just being an example of not holding back. I have met very few males that are so free and unabashed with their feelings...so honest about it. I've learned well.

Without thinking too much into the future...All I could ever want from him is to see his smile. I love that smile. And...to just wrap my arms around him...and embrace all that he is. What more could I want...I mean that's how it all started, that's when I knew for sure...was the first time we hugged...

So how did it all start? Well, we met in India...and somehow traveled on to Thailand together. And...some of the stuff we went through!! I can't even go into detail. But, through all of that we still managed to find the love...why would I ever doubt?

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