Fool's Gold

28.4.09








A miracle is never lost. It may touch many people you have not even met, and produce undreamed of changes in situations of which you are not even aware.

~ A Course in Miracles


I've come to a place where I realize that when I pass from this life I will take nothing with me but the love I've held, expressed, given and received, in this world of form. Of course, there is nothing wrong with the material. Nothing at all. There is no need to have a heavy stake in judging it. Why not enjoy and have fun? Play. All the while, keeping in tune with the reality that things will come and go.

The great equalizer is the fact we can't take our college degrees, houses, cars, designer bags and and other baubles with us. Then it crystallizes, why put such a heavy importance on it? Where I struggle, is continuing to be okay with myself in a world that stresses such importance on the outer reality. One day, instead of exploring space, maybe we will then become fascinated with the inner reaches within ourselves. I haven't yet begun to fully understand the full magnitude,
and something in me makes me afraid.

It must be true that we are far more afraid of our light than our darkness. However, I've come to a point where I can no longer deny the truth of who I am. I try to run...but, I cannot hide...the truth always finds me. However, it is my own ego that wants to punish and judge the fear that I hold...feeding on it like a malignant cancer. Breaking free is where I want to be, but with this, I have to admit how comfortable I've become imprisoned in my own chains and conditions. No one has done it but me. No longer do I want the comfort of these chains, but also I'm scared beyond belief of stepping into another unknown. I guess, it's better to acknowledge this than to act as if it isn't there.

I can feel inner resistance, and I tire of it. There must be another way. Oh, how hard I am on myself at times...and how confused I become when trying to understand.

I still have desires. Plain and simple. A fool's gold. However, once taken a hold, is it all it's cracked up to be?

I tire of chasing.

Often I feel as if I'm wearing a heavy armor that is 3 sizes too small. No longer useful as it once was, I simply want to break free of it, and release every care in the world to that is of utmost importance to me.

I'm ready to answer the call.

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