If you want the truth, I'll tell you the truth:
Listen to the secret sound, the real sound, which is inside you.
The one no one talks of speaks the secret sound to himself,
and he is the one who has made it all.
Third time, went to the Siddha Yoga Medition center, for their Thursday evening satsung. I enjoyed myself as best I could. However, I was feeling waves of nausea during the chanting. I wasn't sure if it was the energy in the room or the green smoothie I had before...dunno, anyway, I stuck it out, doing my best not to be carried away be the unpleasant feelings. During meditation, I was amazed at how many thoughts, feelings, and past images kept popping up, almost as if it were a fast moving trailer to a movie. I felt out of it, almost as if I was immersed in a warped reality...very strange. However, afterwards, I felt good, and the nausea subsided. But, I feel as if something stirred up inside because when I awoke early this morning I was feeling a bit of anger for no apparent reason. Possibly past woes or pain. So, I did my best to observe what I was feeling, allowed myself to embrace it, and let it move through. After practice, the emotion had passed...I felt peace, but tired too. Not too sure what all this is about.
I had an interesting conversation with one of the elders at the meditation center. This gentleman is filled with wisdom, and I welcome any insight he has to offer. Along with the wisdom, he has the most piercing blue eyes I have ever seen. The type of eyes that can look right through you, but invoke a gentleness at the same time. I've only met a small handful of people like this in my lifetime. With that being said, when I observe this in another, I feel a sense of deepness there. The eyes always say it all. Somehow we got onto the subject of true Love vs. ego Love. He was telling me how many people my age confuse the two. I definitely couldn't argue with him on this point. The type of relationship he was speaking of takes a very evolved selfless way of being.
I find that at any given moment, the right message at the right time come eventually. Or even questions I've been holding in my heart get their answers in the most likely, or unlikely places.
Many times, in the past, I have actively seeked, searched... and yearned for....which is part of the whole process, I guess. But, now I'm finding that it doesn't come from outside myself. I struggle with this from time to time...like we all do...but, accessing this inner landscape has been interesting. I feel as if I'm still at that point where I'm unraveling things...making a mess, before I can get it all lined up. Kind of like when cleaning out a closet. First, you have to toss everything out, see whats there...making a bigger mess than before...then, clearly...and hopefully, I'll be better equipped to make some sense of everything. That's kind of where I'm at.