You must learn to accept everything--the pain experiences and the peak experiences, the pits and the highest. When you see everything is for your own growth, for your own expansion, then you won't feel contracted. This is right effort. Those who perform [physical] exercise are very much aware of this. You must stretch your muscles, you must expand them, and you let them contract. In this way, you allow them to get stronger and stronger...Sadhana is like that.
~Swami Chidvilasananda, also known as Gurumayi
Today I awoke with a heavy heart, and I'm not sure why. Often when this happens I get the realization afterwards. I'm gonna do my best not to worry, or let the feelings get the best of me.
Easier said than done...right?
I gave in to a Saturday practice because my friend wanted some help, and assistance. We were sweating like crazy...I guess a fair amount of tapas was being fueled.
Afterwards, I felt drawn to just sit and be.
Right now I sit here wondering why I worry so much. Its this constant back and forth, back and forth.
I had a scary nightmare last night. I had this feeling as if I will go through my whole life never realizing my purpose...or fulfilling my dreams. Ugh...it fills me with dread. How much is effort? How much is Grace? Do I surrender everything? How attached should I be to my dreams or desires? Have I confused you? Well, join the club. I guess, all I really know at this moment is that the fear will always be there. But, there comes a time when you do it...you go for it anyway. I dunno, this is just what I'm feeling today...like everything, this too will pass.