I see my body as an instrument, rather than an ornament.
~ Alanis Morissette
I've continued to learn more about energy and chi. The essential building blocks of life, movement and creation. In practice, I've shifted my focus more on the energy behind the movement and the intention that is set within it. Naturally, coming to my mat daily has evolved into something new and deep.
Beyond the asana the yearning for devotional practice has come through loud and clear. Organically, I've found something that resonates...assisting in letting go... releasing...getting a sense of freedom and connection within. Priceless.
Besides that, the day to day has been fairly simple and easy going. Now that I've been able to get a restful night sleep, after a bout of light insomnia, things feel much better, among other things.
And...my back. Man. I don't know how to explain or put into words...and truthfully, I don't want to. All I can say is something has changed. Maybe the months in Taiwan have gotten to me...but I can now longer deny the mystery behind fate and destiny, and how life unfolds.
Balance. Finding balance...it's getting there...slowly but surly.
However, where I stand in this moment I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude for all that has transpired. Though it really isn't anything that I can tangibly touch...it being something that isn't possessed outside myself. Where I stand...may waver from time to time. I may even become lost again. But in the end I know that I cannot possibly separate from what I'm made of. I can only fool myself to believe this is so...being blinded by an illusion. How easy is it to forget. How easy is it to remember as well. Sometimes it scares me. Sometimes I feel as if I'm not strong enough. Like my emotions are too wayward, too volatile..too up and down...like large waves...but then again, I guess I need to only learn to ride those waves with a greater sense of ease and knowing. No wonder I want to learn to surf...
Sometimes still, I have a deep feeling of loneliness. That too being an illusion. But also, I realize that only I can walk through it. No one else. No one can do it for me. And the beauty behind that fact is that all the love, compassion, inspiration, and connection experienced supports and comes with...like a guide through times of darkness and uncertainty. It's all part of the dance. No need to learn the steps before hand either...for, from the stillness, all is revealed and known in due time...where a sense of openness, lightness and adventure can be made manifest. No need to always know.
Let go. Release. Freedom. Connection.