To really get to the truth of the matter can be a painful thing...However to get to the other side of that it only gets better. Still on the road to discovery its amazing all the stuff that can come to the for front when everything that we hold on to is stripped away...stripped bare. Then ultimately we have to face ourselves. In the a previous post I mentioned some of the stuff I was going through with my job...but I always hesitate when it comes to my relationship that ended last December. In intimate relationship especially, much can distract you from the obvious. Sometimes it gets to be this thing that you feel you so desperately need even though your not even happy...or its not enhancing your life in anyway...its just this constant...muck...heaviness...I can only describe in that sort of way. And, when you feel so lonely in it...and your always cheering on the other person, praying for them...just wanting them to be happy...but...you forget...you...and when you want to lean on someone you fall...and fall HARD. That is when you find and know this isn't right...this doesn't feel good anymore...And when it comes down to "that issue" of not being the thing he wants...its almost laughable because...This is why??!! Because of that! Well I can't do that...I can't be that...I will not. Finally, I am doing the loving thing for myself...that I have ignored for so long...And I have to except responsibly on why I brought all of that in my life. Why did I feel I wasn't worthy of being truly Loved. Why do I not feel worthy of it. Why am I so scared by it. It may be an inconvenient truth...but these are questions I must ask myself to move on and be better for it...not bitter...I don't want to be scared any more. I know I can love fully and deeply but its gotta start inside me...not outside...and when we get caught up in the other person...again...it distracts us from the truth of the matter.
I honestly don't look at those past four years together as a waste of time...and I only have love in my heart for him at this moment. Because, through it all I honor the essential part of him and its a beautiful thing to see. Love never ends... it never stops...I just don't have to hold on anymore to do that...I don't have to be in the muck. Why stop the flow of Love? Even though its not a relationship on the physical plane anymore... To end something to get back to your own happiness is a relationship on a higher vibrating plane. Peace and Love.
Love Laughter Inspiration Simplicity
R. Sharath Jois
"You should not be practicing to have a 'good' practice, but instead to keep steadiness within yourself. Practice happily regardless of whether it is 'good' or not. Sometimes some postures will not be possible, but when you accept the good and the bad and everything becomes equal for you, that is yoga."
- R. Sharath Jois
Burnt To Ash
"All Inquiry is meant for one purpose; to take you experientially into the unknown as efficiently as possible. Once you get there, simply be still because inquiry has delivered you to its destination. The rest is up to Grace. Do not hold onto any knowledge that comes your way. Even the greatest revelations much not be clung to, or you will end up with a head full of memories and a heart empty of substance. The truth is ever new, existing only in the now. The highest truth is beyond knowledge and experience. It is beyond time and space, and beyond beingness, consciousness, and oneness. Just remember that all direct path techniques are meant simply to undermine, to cut away, the one who is performing them. No matter what spiritual path you've walked or what teachings you've followed, they must lead you back to no path and no teaching. A true teaching is like a blazing fire that consumes the itself. The teaching must not only consume you, but consume itself as well. All must be burned to ash, and then the ash must be burned. The, and only then, is the Ultimate realized. True Enlightenment destroys enlightenment. As long as you can refer back to yourself and say, 'I'm enlightened', you not. Enlightenment is authentic only when there is no one left to be enlightened. Even to say 'I am nobody', is one too many. There's a point when you intuitively realize that to be Free you have to give up your attachment to Freedom. You have to quit asking yourself: Is it still there? Am I okay? You have to decide to never look over your shoulder again to see if you're free or if others know you're free. You just have to let yourself burn there - no matter what. This isn't something I can help you with. I can tell you what you need to do, but you have to do it. In the beginning, teachers can help a lot. But the deeper you go, all they can do is point, and clarify, and tell you what you need to do. Only you can take this step. Nobody can push you in to this place."
- Adyashanti
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About
"Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won't either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could."
- Louise Erdrich
Hamsa
No Expectations
A spirit that lives in this world
and does not wear the shirt of love,
such an existence is a deep disgrace.
Be foolishly in love,
because love is all there is.
There is no way into presence
except through a love exchange.
If someone asks, But what is love?
answer, Dissolving the will.
True freedom comes to those
who have escaped the questions
of freewill and fate.
Love is an emperor.
The two worlds play across him.
He barely notices their tumbling game.
Love and lover live in eternity.
Other desires are substitutes
for that way of being.
How long do you lay embracing a corpse?
Love rather the soul, which cannot be held.
Anything born in spring dies in the fall,
but love is not seasonal.
With wine pressed from grapes,
expect a hangover.
But this love path has no expectations.
You are uneasy riding the body?
Dismount. Travel lighter.
Wings will be given.
Be clear like a mirror
reflecting nothing.
Be clean of pictures and the worry
that comes with images.
Gaze into what is not ashamed
or afraid of any truth.
Contain all human faces in your own
without any judgement of them.
Be pure emptiness.
What is inside that? you ask.
Silence is all I can say.
Lovers have some secrets
that they keep.
(Rumi)
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1 Insightful Comments:
Wow, such revelations! And not a single comment. No surprisingly, only quotations are now on your blog. Maybe I'm wrong. However, I'm interested to read your blog. Thank you.
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