Integration

Photo by David Fredriksson

The world is a book and those who do not travel only read one page.

~ St. Augustine

After months in Mysore, practicing day in, day out, at the end, things start to click and come together. A cyclical motion we go through, all the while...evolving. (Hopefully...haha).

With intensity, a certain amount of unraveling happens in the practice...within ourselves. For, when we break into pieces we can build something stronger, more real. And, the interesting part is, this continually happens as we delve deeper and deeper...into the practice...into ourselves.

I love, when in the shala, the practice has nothing to do with fancy maneuvers one can acquire. Quite frankly, all that flash seems to bore Sharath and Sarawati to tears. There has to be more going on beneath the surface, because the asana is only the tool...not the end to the means. Yes. Things come together with practice, but are only the by product when connecting to a deeper state of Grace.

With each unraveling new fears have a way of presenting themselves. New challenges are faced. And naturally, old stuff maybe I haven't faced yet are there, too. It's crazy how we can become fearful...but there comes a time to take a look at it. We need to be shaken up. We need the unraveling. We need to shed the old skin to expand into something new, and more profound. Why stagnate?

I've had to take a look at the darkness that burrows within. I've had to face it. Feelings of unworthiness, loneliness, and disconnection can be frightening places. But truth be told, these feeling are lies and must be released. No matter how far away from the light we think we are, we cannot escape the beauty of our essential make up. It may take a millennium to realize, but will catch up with us, no matter what. So why live the illusion any longer?

As my trip to Mysore comes to a close, I'm amazed. A new sense of integration has come into play. The pieces have been rearranged, and have come together. Not always an easy process, but necessary, nonetheless. Yes. Our minds can play crazy tricks on us. Oh. How easy it is to grasp onto what we think we know. Yes. How scary and challenging it can be to open up to what it is we don't know. Again, another practice to embrace.

Even though I still have a ways to go, tacking this internal journey has never felt more exciting than it does for me in this moment.

This is where the juice is.

With the stillness of each moment, the breath of life is always there. Patiently waiting. No need to doubt any longer. How can I ever be separate from that which I am made?

Gateways of Light

Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness.

~ Mark Twain

There weren't very many people practicing in the shala this morning, but there were plenty of mosquitoes. I was being eaten alive. Somehow, I managed. Besides that, the energy felt calm, cool and serene. Quiet. Still. I rather liked it.

Instead of going out with a bang...I'll be going out with barely a whisper.

Nice.

First Things First

"Human beings are funny. They long to be with the person they love but refuse to admit openly. Some are afraid to show the slightest sign of affection because of fear. Fear that their feelings may not be recognized, or even worse returned. But one thing about human beings puzzles me the most is their conscious effort to be connected with the object of their affection even if it kills them slowly within."

~ Sigmund Freud

It's getting down to the wire. Many more are on the verge of leaving, if they haven't already, since Sharath has officially taken leave. Sarawati is driving the bus now, and began the week with Lead Primary, par usual. Starting next week, she announced instead of conference, she'll be leading chanting class instead. Sounds great, sorry I'll be missing it, since I'm heading out of Mysore Thursday evening.

With that being said, I've already started organizing for my departure. Go figure, I'm not procrastinating for once. It's a miracle. Haha.

Yes. I'll be heading back to Taiwan...but not right away. There's some place else I'll be heading to first.

Shri K. Pattabhi Jois ~ Charitable Trust

"Caring for others is also yoga, it's called Karma yoga. You do what you can to help without expecting anything in return."

~ R. Sharath Ragaswamy

The Shri K. Pattabhi Jois Charitable Trust (est. Jan 2006), supports initiatives in Mysore, India to improve and strengthen the lives of economically disadvantaged families and children, underserved communities and the environment.

For more information and donations please visit: www.kpjtrust.org

Please visit the above site for those interested in the trust and ways to help. Namaste.

Led Primary

There is an Indian proverb that says that everyone is a house with four rooms, a physical, an emotional, a mental, and spiritual. Most of us tend to live in one room most of the time, but unless we go into every room every day, even if only to keep it aired, we are not a complete person.

Last class, led primary, with Sharath. A fun class. The energy felt light and airy around the room. Next week, Sarawati will be taking the reigns for the duration of Sharath's break. I won't use my blog to speculate when he will be coming back to resume teaching after his World Tour. I've heard various things hear and there, so with that being said, nothing is definite. Good thing is, Sarawati will be overseeing KPJAYI during this time, and well, anyone coming will be in good hands with her.

I hold a world of gratitude toward Sharath and Sarawati. I'm extremely thankful to them for the tireless work they do.

The energy inside the shala is unexplainable. It's as if the hundreds upon hundreds of people who have walked through here have left their own energetic mark inside. And through that connection, if you open to it, can get a sense of what it means, as you feel the subtle vibration that charges the room.

Of course, who can forget Guruji. His presence is always felt.

Practice affirms for me, for sure, we are all connected.

No doubt.

Ramblings

"This is what you shall do: Love the earth, and sun and the animals, despise riches, give alms to anyone who asks, stand up for the stupid and crazy, devote you income and labor to others, hate tyrants...have patients and indulgence toward the people, take off your hat to nothing known or unknown, or to any man or a number of men, go freely with powerful uneducated persons and with the young and mothers of families, read these leaves in the open air every season of every year of your life, re-examine all you have been been told in school or church or in any book, dismiss whatever insults your own soul, and your very flesh will be a great poem, and have the richest fluency not only in words but in the silent lines of its lips and face between the lashes of your eyes and in every motion and joint of your body."

~ Walt Whitman

Digging the one well. Staying true to the process. Form versus formlessness.

As I delve deeper into this practice I'm left pondering various insights that have come to the forefront. It's funny how the politics centered around the practice seeps in...which is totally manufactured by those who get caught up in the whirlwind of all that has nothing to do with the essential relationship with ourselves, and the greater power.

Recently, I told a friend my trips to Mysore have evolved quite interestingly. After my first trip, I left here not giving a shit about it as much as I did before, but at the same time, I became more devoted than ever to the practice, and the process. A strange and amusing paradox.

Stepping outside the yoga bubble in the U.S. I see things a bit differently. I've seen how the western mind likes to infiltrate yoga philosphy...modify it, tweak it....make it more marketable and profitable. When in reality, it simply cannot be made into another type of new thing to acquire. Many look to becoming a teacher before they have even gotten any significant amount of practice under their belts. Why is it we are so quick to fix others instead of fixing ourselves first? Getting a grasp of what the essence of yoga is cannot be attained through the level of the mind only. It cannot be learned in a teacher training course. Absolutely not. It is only attained through the experiential path of practice. Nothing more. Nothing less. No amount of training courses will get you there. Give me 200 hour RYT, give me 5,000....who cares...it means nothing to the larger scope of where the core of yoga resides.

I've studied with teachers who have known every muscle of the body, what bone it was attached to and every function it fulfills. I've studied with those who have memorized every thread of the Yoga Sturas by heart in English and in Sanskrit. But, in the end, I'm left feeling as if something is missing...somehow, they never touch the true soul of the practice...the heartbeat, is lost as it filters through the level of the mind by knowledge alone. In turn, I've studied with those who have said nothing...no analyzing Utthita Trikonasna....no setting up a scaffolding around my body to get me into proper alignment...to have them look me in the eyes, give me a simple touch, adjusting my body, like a flood gate, opening the whole world before me in a very instant. Powerful indeed.

The essence. The core. Is beyond verbal cues and written understanding. Not that they aren't valid, but in reality, are only gateways to a deeper more subtle, mysterious level.

With a litany of hybrid, codified, modified, yoga forms out there, dare I say they hardly scratch the surface.

Honestly, I'm not so sure I gathered a full understanding of Ashtanga yoga until coming to Mysore, walking through the process here. What I thought I knew...I didn't...what I thought I didn't know...I did. Thank goodness, I had the rug pulled out from under me, to then, have the opportunity to build a stronger foundation.

The system is simple, yet challenging. Practice is all there is...nothing else takes the place of that.

Nothing.

Once a teacher gets caught up in the details over the meditative flow of movement...I know that it isn't about formlessness anymore, it becomes tangled up in form. Yes, asana is important and the fundamental start to delving deeper, but at the sacrifice of of breath, bandhas, and driste?

Most importantly, the practice cannot be taken all too seriously. A balance of ultimate discipline along with a detachment to attaining, or end results. The process becomes much more fascinating, versus getting caught up in the minutia of overt details....the devil being in the details, that is. Always coming into a place of wholeness and completeness brings freedom, not bondage. This is all there is. We already have everything. It's only a matter of peeling back the layers tapping into our True nature. No fancy straps or blocks needed. The most captivating tool is our God given body...as we yoke and unite mind, body and soul.

Taking Risks

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach out to to others is to risk involvement.
To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self.
To place your ideas, your dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss.
To love is to risk not being loved in return.
To live is to risk dying.
To hope is to risk despair.
To try is to risk failure.

But risks must be taken,
because the greatest hazard in life is to do nothing.

The person who risks nothing,
does nothing, has nothing, is nothing.

They may avoid suffering and sorrow,
but they cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love, live.

Chained to their attitudes, they are a slave,
they forfeited their freedom.

Only the person who risks can be free.

~ Author Unknown

"Salvation of the world depends on me."

~ A Course in Miracles, Lesson 186

"Link arms with those who are going to push you to the next level, who uplift your spirits every time they see you and you see them. Meet people who are bigger than you, think bigger, act bigger. By "bigger," we mean individuals of lofty consciousness, language, and achievements. Consider the thoughts that are inspired within you while in the presence of such individuals. But make sure they are "the real deal." As long as they astonish you with their commitment to love and dedicate their lives to the betterment of themselves and the salvation of the world from ignorance, then they are the real deal."

~ Amazing Grace, by David Wolfe & Nick Good

Slowly getting organized for my eventual departure. Wanna be a bit more proactive this go around so I don't feel like I'm scrambling at the last minute. But also, I wanna continue to be present here and enjoy my last 10 days. Simple balancing act.

Had another lovely practice this morning. Tomorrow will be the last Mysore class with Sharath, before his long overdue break. Thursday moon day. Friday lead Primary. Next week Sarawati will be the only one in the shala.

I've come to a place of utter appreciation. I continue to count my lucky stars. I feel a huge sense of gratitude for having the opportunity to practice at KPJAYI. I've deepened into a whole new place. The process...the journey, has enriched the meaning behind why I continue down this path. Amazing how there is always a new place to go. Always uncharted territory to discover.

Resumed volunteering at the orphanage this week. I have to do a bit of disciplining when the children act out or about to do something to hurt themselves. I'm really in for it if I ever I have kids. They simply don't take me seriously at all. Absolutely hilarious. I really don't mind however, I don't like being the bearer of bad news. I just like to have fun with them. They're some of the most lovable children I've come across in a long time. They soak in everything you could possibly give them. In the simplest way. It's extremely sweet. Love is the only thing needed.

Steady State

"You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put together, justifying what could've, would've happened...or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on."

~ Tupac

In practice this morning...finally, a sense of normality. Everything felt easy. Everything flowed. I felt light and free. Such a departure from yesterday. Unbelievable. I was pleasantly surprised, and delighted with how balanced I felt. When told that everything would come together after the Panchakarma I wasn't so sure when or how it would. Like magic, equilibrium has been restored and even better than before.

My digestive fire is back. I feel centered. Much has shifted, and not just physically...and, I have to say, it's an exciting place to reside in at the moment. Simply to be in a place of renewed clarity on various levels.

The fact I'll be leaving India in eleven days is becoming a reality. Can't believe how fast the three months has gone by. So much has developed and unfolded, that I'm learning to truly appreciate the little surprises that life has to offer. An opening. A possibility. An opportunity to trust. Growth doesn't always come easy, but then again it doesn't have to be a struggle either. If there is one thing I've learned is Love doesn't hurt. Love doesn't cause pain. A blossoming of heart, a healing of spirit...when we open to this possibility life becomes limitless.

When centered around the heart. I may not know all the mysteries of this life. But, when staying true within...fears, worries, doubt...have a way of melting away.

The Still Point of Ecstacy

The Still Point of Ecstasy

On the Night of Creation I was awake.
Busy at work while everyone slept.
I was there to see the first wink
and hear the first tale told.
I was the first one caught
in the hair of the Great Imposter.

Whirling around the still-point of ecstasy
I spun like the wheel of heaven.

How can I describe this to you?--
you were born later.

I was a companion of the Ancient Lover;
Like a bowl with a broken rim
I endured his tyranny.
Why shouldn't I be as lustrous as the King's cup?--
I have lived in the room of treasures.
Why shouldn't this bubble become the sea?--
I am the secret that lies at the bottom...

Sh...No more words--
Hear only the voice within.
Remember, the first thing He said was:
We are beyond words.

~ Rumi

The Intellectual

The Intellectual

The intellectual is always showing off;
the lover is always getting lost.

The intellectual runs away, afraid of drowning;
the whole business of love is to drown in the sea.

Intellectuals plan their repose;
overs are ashamed to rest.

The lover is always alone, even surrounded with people;
like water and oil, he remains apart.

The man who goes to the trouble of giving advice to a lover gets nothing.
He's mocked by passion.

Love is like musk.
It attracts attention.

Love is a tree, and lovers are its shade.

~ Rumi

"Out of clutter, find simplicity. From discord, find harmony. In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity."

~ Albert Einstein

Lead Second Series today. My last lead Second Series class this trip. Wow. I was a hot mess. No lie. Still felt weak and nauseous, which the deep back bending had a way of kicking up. Sharath gave me more verbal cues then he ever has both of my trips here combined. It was a bit amusing, because quite simply, I felt all over the place. I guess it showed. Good thing is, the feeling won't last forever as I build on strength each and everyday.

Some days it plainly is what it is. Just have to roll with it.

New Set Point

"Be glad of life, because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars; to be satisfied with your possessions; to despise nothing in the world except falsehood and meanness, and to fear nothing except cowardice; to be governed by your admirations rather than by your disgusts; to covet nothing that is your neighbor's except his kindness of heart and gentleness of manners; to think seldom of your enemies, often of your friends...and to spend as much time as you can, with body and spirit. These are little guideposts on the footpath to peace."

~ Henry Van Dyke

Feel great coming off the week of Panchakarma. Energy is back. Dr. Kumar read my pulse this morning for follow up and informed me that my pitta has gotten stronger, meaning as a good sign that my digestion has improved.

Nice that it's over, and I can enjoy other foods. Although, I still have tons of kitchari left to finish.

With a new set point, now all there is, moving forward, is to be deeply aware.

Nice.

Panchakarma Day Seven

"Love is everything it's cracked up to be...it's really worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for."

~ Erica Jong

Last day of Panchakarma.

With being the day after Vireachana, practice was interesting this morning. Lead Primary. Started off feeling light and strong, until back bending. Whew. It kicked up a whole slew of nausea and weakness. Wiped me out. I'm sweating more profusely, too. It's almost as if the pores in my body are more open and able to release.

Only eating rice soup and kitchari today.

Tomorrow, I follow up with Dr. Kumar in the morning. Adding fruit and veggies to my diet, and he'll give me a course of herbs to take, fit specific for my needs.

All in all, the process has been enlightening. Yeah. I may have lost a little weight, but that's not what I'm talking about. I feel light emotionally and spiritually, most importantly. When forced to power down, and let go of outside stimulation, even looking to food for it, a greater sense of freedom is found. Especially allowing the old to release to bring in the new.

It feels good. Like a new beginning.

Earthlings

Panchakarma Day Six

"It is quite possible that India is the real world, and that the white man lives in a madhouse of abstractions...Life in India has not yet withdrawn into the capsule of the head. It is still the whole body that lives. No wonder the European feels dreamlike; the complete life of India is something of which he merely dreams. When you walk naked feet, how can you ever forget the earth?"

~ Carl Jung

Virechana ~ Purgation Therapy ~ process when toxins are eliminated through purgation. Unlike an enema and colon cleansing, virechana cleanses the entire digestive tract and intestine. This treatment is highly recommended for Pitta related conditions. Virechana is mainly aimed at restoring and improving functions of the liver and digestional tract. It helps in addressing skin diseases, gastritis, anti-aging, and all manner of digestive disorders.

Whew! So I made it through a course of Virechana today, which will round out my Panchkarma cleanse. I arrived at the clinic around 8:30am and didn't leave until about 6pm. After Abhyanga, and Swedana, I then consumed the herbs that make up the Virechana therapy. Let me just say, I definitely got cleansed...Like you wouldn't believe. Seriously. It was something else. I'll spare everyone the details...

For the next several days I'll be eating pretty simply as I slowly start adding more variety of foods into my diet.

Before leaving the clinic I consulted with Dr. Kumar and we went over proper foods for my constitution, and some of my concerns with digestion. He left me with quite a bit to go on moving forward, and I'm extremely thankful for his expertise and insight. Nice to have an open dialogue.

As my Panchakarma comes to a close I couldn't be happier with the results thus far. I told Dr. Kumar that I'm feeling more like myself, and he nodded in agreement as if saying...yup, that's what it's all about.

Balance.

Panchakarma Day Five

"Ayurveda is above all meant for all people who by harmonizing themselves seek to act as harmonizing forces in the universe. Our overweening, arrogant passion for self-indulgence has poisoned our world. If we hope to continue to live on this planet we must reverse the damage that we have inflicted on ourselves and on our environment. We must calm Nature's ire if we want Her to return us to health."

~ Prakriti: Your Ayurvedic Constitution, by Dr. Robert E. Svoboda

Five days down. Feeling really good. No appetite today. None. Not sure why that is. However, I was told only to eat when hungry.

My body has felt pretty good in practice. At the beginning of panchakarma I felt more weakness, but today I was stronger. It's interesting practicing with all the changes. Forces me to adapt to varying energy levels...and is a good exercise for the mind.

Panchakarma Day 4

One of the staff members at Dr. Kumar's clinic asked if I felt lighter. I had to think a bit, check in with what I was feeling, and my response was, yeah...I do feel lighter. Nice feeling.

More abhyanga and swedana today...and for the duration of the cleanse. Only difference is on the last day, after my abhyanga and swedana treatments, I'll be doing a Virechana purgation. More on that later.

Have been really enjoying the down time, much more then I thought. And, eating kitchari everyday hasn't been all that bad. I rather like it. It's simple and tasty. No complaints at all.

Panchakarma Day Three

Abhyanga ~ Herbalized Oil Therapy ~ A gentle synchronized full body massage with individually selected herbalized oils which is the foundation of all panchkarma treatments, both purificatory and pallative. This is a warm-oil massage given by two specially trained technicians who work in tandum on both sides of the body. Abhyanga usually uses seasame oil, which, which penetrates the pores of the skin loosening impurities and toxins. The oils are concentrated with herbs and are metablolized by the whole body.

Swedana ~ Herbalized Steam Therapy ~ Stimulates the sweat glands and lymphatic system, increasing the elimination of toxins and stregthening the immune system. Herbalized Steam Treatment uses a special heat chamber that allows the head to remain cool, herbalized steam bath opens the body's channels (organ meridians) allowing loosened impurities to move into the digestive tract in readiness for their removal by interal cleaning procedures such as virechana (herbal purgation) and basti (enema).

Third day and I'm feeling much better since I didn't have to take another course of ghee this morning. Thank God!

So, today and for the next three days, I'll be doing Abhyanga followed by Swedana. Nice.

Panchakarma Day Two

Day 2, and I had to down 60cc of ghee...blech! I'm wiped out. But , I guess it's all about the process. Thank God I don't have to drink ghee tomorrow. Feeling a bit weak, but it's worth it. Gonna feel good when it's over and I'm renewed.