Diffinitive Moments

That Atman alone, that state of simplest form of awareness alone, is worthy of seeing, hearing, contemplating, and realizing.  - Upanishads

It's interesting, I've made a number of trips to Mysore, thankfully, and each time I come I feel extremely grateful. It isn't always easy to make the trip, but it always ends up being worth it. At the same time, I'm reminded on what is important in terms of coming here.

Reminiscent of preparing to make my first trip I was offered worthy guidance from a senior teacher, who will remain nameless. He told me don't get caught up in how many times you go or for how long, or for how many years, because often people use that as a marker to mean they have reached something higher and all that doesn't matter. What matters is right now. That doesn't takeaway from the experiences; the good times, the bad times, the pain and the breakthroughs. And with all that, it still goes back to the point we sit in in each moment in our practice.

Each time I come to Mysore it brings a different energy. I am always fascinated by this. A new layer. Something new to contemplate or develop. As I lean into discomfort on and off the mat new freedom is found. It's in these definitive moments that hold a world of value. Believe me, I don't always step into discomfort with grace. I have experienced aggravation, and unimaginable lows and I've learned it never really serves me to sweep these feelings under the rug no matter how uncomfortable they are. This is the fuel transformation is made of. All of it serves a purpose in the greater scheme of things. 

Over the years with more conscious practice under my belt I realize the importance of not taking the whole process too seriously, and at the same time, I feel more inspired and devoted as ever. It has been a big step for me to laugh at my follies and internal weaknesses to then be able to pick up the pieces more joyfully, versus judging where I think I need to be in the moment. What does it mean to be a yogi or to tread this path? I often ask myself. Within my limited understanding, in my heart I feel it means being true to whatever arises, banishing the fear and judgement that may present itself from me and others. The search for validation on any level has always been paralyzing. 

If I stay true to my heart space, even when the mind revolts, at least I've taken a leap worth jumping for.