Doomsday

Last night I had a prolific dream. Vivid, scary and in your face. I guess all this talk of 12.21.12 seeped into my subconscious because this dream was like no other. I'm talking massive earthquakes where the Earth itself was splitting apart, buildings were being shook off their foundation, and people were in a massive panic. I felt this primal instinct to run for higher ground versus being sucked down into these massive cracks in the Earth. I made it out. I didn't think. I just went with my gut. 

In Step

 The Pearl - Reykjavik, Iceland

"The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact than a drunken man is happier than a sober one."

(William Shakespeare)

Ah. In the past several weeks I've been out in left field. This is often where I find myself anyway. Haha. Departed from writing personal accounts on my blog I've been in heavy contemplation. I had no choice. When feelings come up this intense they must be dealt with. It's been one of those times where again I've had to look at myself, blatantly. Now I'm on a roll. Why stop? Once I've had the opportunity to name the fears I've held inside, as challenging as it is to look, nothing feels better then to be free of them.

I'm understanding how contemplative work is never a comfortable experience. It just isn't. It's rewarding, but never an easy going, fun ordeal. Much like consistent yoga practice - twisting, binding, bending, flexing, jumping isn't always fun, but we sure do feel better when it's all done. Makes it worth it.

What have I been tapping into? My emotions. I mean really taking a look at them. Somewhere along the path I've gotten into the habit of judging what I'm truly feeling. Doah! This pattern has gotten me stuck in various areas of my life. Really stuck. Conditioning I developed at a young age, it saved my ass in many instances, and to my amazement, is astonishing how deeply ingrained it is. 

Through the practice of yoga I've embraced the power to shed many layers, and this is another that has come up. Stuck emotions. Like I've said before, what's the use of practicing yoga if in turn I don't take the awareness developed by consciously opening to what needs to be shed. Shit! This has been a long time coming. Releasing feels like welcome liberation.

Everything comes to the forefront when the time is ripe. Like I've told many yoga students, a flower blooms when it's ready. With extra time in solitude, listening, I had no choice but to observe the place where I stand in NOW. It's beautiful, even though there's a multitude of feelings to be felt. Not all feel spectacular to begin with, but no matter, this is the juice of life.

No TV, no movies to watch, only a few books, being pulled out of distractions have allowed me to really sit with myself, and damn it, it's not so scary. Am I stepping into a greater appreciation of my being? Ha! I just might be.

My stay in Iceland is winding down. The time flew by. With it being my first time to discover this magical island I know I'll be back.

My unique experience regarding Iceland has been my dreams. I've had the most vivid dreams, in a stretch, than I can recall ever in my life. Seriously. I'm talking about gnarly, animated, dynamic dreams. Many mornings I've had to lie in bed and be like WTF was that? Really. Deciphering some of these vivid nightscapes has been like walking through a maze of the subconscious. Where do I start? Some type of energy is moving through. Not sure what, but the energetic nature of this place amplifies it.

Is this why Icelanders are so damn creataive? Hmmmm. I need to start writing down my nightly dramas. Who knows what it could lead to ...

Big Waves

I have had this one re-accruing dream every since I can remember...every since I was very young...about big waves as I am in the midst of them. It sounds scary...but it never is...and for some reason the bigger the waves the more thrilled I am...and excited with a mix of trepidation. I haven't been able to really piece together the significance of these dreams that I still have...even to this day. It must mean something since it has made an appearance in my dreams for as long as I can remember having dreams. Big Waves...big beautiful waves... I am right there with these waves as they build and build and get bigger and bigger...and I am still safe some how...even though as they get bigger...and bigger...I have that mixture of excitement and a bit of fear...but the awe of the wave takes over the fear every time...
I do have a love affair with the ocean. Too bad I am land locked at the moment...but whenever the ocean is nearby I have to be there...there is something very healing about it for me. Last summer I traveled to Encinitas, California for 10 days to practice yoga with one of my favorite teachers Tim Miller...and after every early morning practice...I would hurry home, shower, change, pack up and go straight to the beach to be near the water...And I would just sit there for hours...reading, lounging...listening. I loved it. When I finally had the nerve to set up my first surfing lesson I couldn't wait. My instructor was very laid back...when he met me at the beach entrance he was on S.P. time (surfing-people time) meeting me late...with his hair beach blonde, long on top and carefully dis shoveled...he talked that talk...ya know. "Hey...what's up?...know how to swim?" I laughed, thinking we are going to get along just fine. After my quickie lesson on land...taking I don't know...3 minutes tops...we ventured out to the water...which I might add was unusually rougher versus previous days... but still safe. The surf instructor was like..."your gonna get up your first time...I have a feeling." A little perplexed and excited I answered..."ya think so?" He helped me set the board...and told me which wave to catch...and he was right I got up my first time...seriously the thrill of my life! I mean, I always new the ocean was powerful...but when you ride that wave you FEEL its power...and its exhilarating...absolutely. To be one with it for only a moment...its like wow! I can't even put it into words. Of course after my first ride...I fell many times!...but that was fun to...and I rode one wave all the way to the beach...just to be cute...ha! After two hours, however I was exhausted...in a good way. So now, I don't think there is a day that goes by that I don't crave to go surf again...seriously, I think about it a lot. After my lesson, it was funny, because my instructor asked me out that night. However, I declined because I'm a good girl. Just kidding, we totally made out...however no lines were crossed if you know what I mean. It was all in good fun. wink, wink! Some how we ended the night by eating ice cream with his parents...kinda funny...That's a whole other story in its self...
So, I have decided that when I grow up I would like to be a surfer. How fun would that be. Just a surfer...hmmm...maybe a yogini surfer. Cool. I'm looking forward to my next big wave dream...if I can't make it there at least the waves can make it in my dreams.
Peace.