Just Give Me This . . .

Just give me this:

A rinsing out, a cleansing free

Of all my smaller strivings

So I can be the class act God intended,

True to my purpose,

All my energy aligned behind my deepest intention.

And just this:

A quieting down,

A clearing away of internal ruckus,

So I can hear the huge stillness in my heart

And feel

How I pulse with all creation,

Part and parcel of Your great singing ocean.

And this too:

A willingness to notice and forgive the myriad times

I fall short,

Forgetting who I am,

What I really belong to.

So I can start over,

Fresh and clean,

Like sweet sheets billowing in the summer sun,

My heart pierced with gratitude.

--Belleruth Naparstek

Emptying. Over the course of the last several months I've had to empty myself. Painful, scary, liberating all at the same time. When I empty, what I cling to becomes evident. What doesn't serve me becomes clear. When I empty of all that is unnecessary I see what is then worth holding on to, and IT is what is holding me. Grace. God. Love. Whatever you want to call it . . .  What a welcome release that is. 

As my trip in Taiwan starts to wind down I am reminded how honored I am to be able to do what I do. I have worked with some of the most warm hearted people imaginable and truly I have learned so much from the experience. A part of me will always be tied to this island nation. Always. And, I have the people who inhabit it to thank. 

Buddha Memorial Center. More Pics!

Serene. Majestic. Here are more photos of my day trip to The Buddha Memorial Center, in Kaoshiung, I thought I'd share. Taken from a real camera and not my iPhone! Imagine that.  

Unraveling

“Enlightenment is a destructive process. It has nothing to do with becoming better or being happier. Enlightenment is the crumbling away of untruth. It’s seeing through the facade of pretense. It’s the complete eradication of everything we imagined to be true.” 

— Adyashanti


When I came in contact with the above quote it really struck home in a time when I needed it. I guess that is how it happens. There's a question maybe we can't quite formulate, and an answer comes, or at the very least, a new perspective. I welcome the challenge of viewing something in a new way. Discovering a new opening or outlook pushes my ingrained thought patterns or stuck points of view. 

When teaching, I don't illustrate the path of yoga as rainbows and yellow brick roads. Often the path becomes quite murky when we start to unravel. In truth, that is what it is all about, a shedding, because our purity is within and nowhere else. Sure, we are inundated with images that it comes from out there somewhere, externally. One of the many reasons consumerism is at the level it is. It's not all bad, no, there are necessities and also why not enjoy. However, in the same breath, when entering on to the path of yoga, or other spiritual practice, sometimes things feel like they are getting worse before they get better, in the end, an exposing feeling may not feel the most comfortable, but just might be what you need. This has been my experience. 

I remember going through a period where the tears fell like an unending stream. No, it wasn't pretty on the outside, I felt fragile, I felt shattered, I felt fragmented. Through the process I felt lost in an environment where being on purpose was an expectation. I allowed myself comfort in face of uncertainty when a mentor at the time told me, "it's okay to not know in this moment, this means you are open. It's okay not to know where to turn next, it will only broaden your mind to possibility." 

At the root, authenticity comes to mind. I want to taste what is real even if that taste is sour. Throw away the pretense. It's the down and dirty, grounding, touching my nose to the earth that really teaches me something. I've observed it in those on the realized path. What brings me to my knees softens my heart.

Breath is the Bridge

Stockholm

"Our breath is the bridge from our body to our mind, the element which reconciles our body and mind and which makes possible oneness of body and mind. Breath is aligned to both body and mind and it alone is the tool which can bring them both together, illuminating both and bringing both peace and calm." - Thich Nhat Hanh

Breath is the bridge. This has been my mantra this week . . . Honestly, I've been going through some interesting stuff internally during my stay in Taiwan. Once I attain some semblance of clarity, I will share. I've been working various balance points, and it has been a challenge. Planning for the future which requires intense focus, all the while, staying present, stepping into various roles, and still feeling connecting to my center, can be an interesting dynamic to play around with. To say the least, I've been touched by the warmth of the people and community in Taiwan. So in that regard, I feel grateful. Experiencing internal upheaval has in many instances given me the opportunity to recess my direction, my life, hopes and dreams. Also, a big one for me is what is holding me back? That, more than anything, has been a big issue for me. I know where much of it has manifested and truly sometimes I wonder if I will ever heal from it? I am sure many of you out there can attest to this. When stricken with certain events and misgivings in life often we find better ways to cope, but maybe haven't truly resolved or come to terms with it fully. I am only human, and when I start to feel the cracks in my being, though painful, brings me closer to my humanity. I soften. I come out of the numbing. So much in life pulls us out of the quiet and the stillness, but it is only here where we can find our truth. 

Look to This Day!

Taiwan

“Look to this day!
For it is life, the very life of life,
In its brief course
Lie all the truths and realities
of your existence:
The bliss of growth
The glory of action
The splendor of beauty,
For yesterday is but a dream
And tomorrow only a vision,
But today well lived
makes every yesterday
a dream of happiness
And every tomorrow a vision of hope.
Look well, therefore, to this day!For it is life, the very life of life,In its brief courseLie all the truths and realitiesof your existence:The bliss of growthThe glory of actionThe splendor of beauty,For yesterday is but a dreamAnd tomorrow only a vision,But today well livedmakes every yesterdaya dream of happinessAnd every tomorrow a vision of hope.Look well, therefore, to this day!”

- Kalidasa 

Fixed Ideas

"Fixed ideas are like a wisp of cloud or smoke, but nonetheless people find themselves blocked or captured by these. You would laugh if you saw someone tripped by a cloud, or if someone claimed that they were imprisoned by the air. But, in fact, people are endlessly being trapped by things no more substantial than air or clouds. They make a wall with their mind, and then it imprisons them. Inherently, there is no wall or anything to trip over. These things are mirages they've created from the thoughts they gave rise to. Do not insist upon your own fixed ideas. Your persistence is your own narrow mind. If your mind is broad, it can easily embrace the entire world. However, if your mind is narrow, even a needle cannot enter. You have to keep letting go of your stubbornness, and always be deeply respectful of all life and things. This is returning to and relying upon the Buddha-Dharma. This is also how to become a free person. Always be humble. Be humble. The fragrance of your broad and generous mind will warm others' hearts."

-Zen Master Daehaeng

Incandescent brilliance

I sat alone on a block of stone

On the banks of the Ganges.

Mother Ganges blessed me.

I meditated on OM and its meaning–

The Word that is the symbol of Brahman.

The little personality was lost.

The mortal limit of the self was loosened.

But there was infinite extension.

I entered into the Nameless beyond;

I realized the unity of bliss.

No words can describe the thrill of joy,

The mystic experiences,

The supreme and divine height of felicity!

The little “I” fused into the incandescent brilliance.

Two become one now,

It was all Tejomaya Ananda–

One mass of transcendental light bliss.

- Sri Swami Sivananda

Buddha Memorial Center, Kaohsiung City, Taiwan

Exactly a week ago I had the opportunity to visit The Fo Guang Shan Buddha Memorial Center in Kaohsiung City, Taiwan on our celebratory moon day off. I took a fair amount of pictures as you can see. Stunning, peaceful, massive, are just a few words that come to mind in remembrance. However, I couldn't help but take amusement in the fact there was a Starbucks in the main pavilion. Buddha likes his coffee too! If ever in Taiwan this place is a must see for your travel list. The complex stretches out beyond the main entrance. Be prepared to do a fair share of walking. I enjoyed this fact. In each pagoda there were various Buddhist themes to take in or little shops to wonder around. I really appreciated the fact the center catered to people of all ages, especially families. There is even a side area for children to enjoy. Through out the center the nuns hosted many of the various sites on the grounds. I didn't see any monks though. Not sure why that is. Below I have a further description posted in regards to the site.

From the brochure:

"The Buddha Memorial Center, situated at Dashu District, Kaohsiung City, is built on 100 hectares of land, and houses the Buddha's tooth relic that was presented to Venerable Master Hsing Yun by the Tibetan Lama, Kunga Dorje Rinpoche, who had kept the relic in his safekeeping for 30 years. The Kunga Dorje Rinpoche was touched by the efforts of Fo Guang Shan, an active propagation center of Humanistic Buddhism. Construction of the Buddha Memorial Center commenced in 2003 and took nine years to complete. The building is made possible with the support of thousands of temples and millions on benefactores. It comprises eight pagodas in the front, a big Buddha stature in the rear, the Vulture Peak in the south, and the Jetvana Grove in the north. It encompasses traditional and modern features which fulfills the functional needs of culture, education, and spiritual practice.  

The main buildings are laid out along a central axis from east to west in the following order: the Front Hall, the Eight Pagadas, the Grand Photo Terrace, the Bodhi Wisdom Concourse, The Main Hall and the Fo Guang Big Buddha.  

Like a Buddhist university, the Buddha Memorial Center aims to offer spiritual refreshment and bring harmony to society by means of culture and art." 

It's Hot in a Pot

Taiwanese Hot Pot!!!!

Fruit Tea

Ironically, my beautiful hosts took me to a lovely restaurant just outside Chaiyi with a Scandinavian theme to the decor over a week ago. The food? Taiwanese. Thankfully, haha. In Asia, I often get overwhelmed with the depth and length of options available when it comes to food. Not only was there hot pot (one of my favs!) there were like 50 different types of hot pot I could choose from. What is hot pot? Well, it's like the best thing ever. Seriously. You get your broth over a potable flame and an array of ingredients to make a soup right at your table, usually served with a special sauce and rice. If you're a meat eater there is a wide range of options when it comes to that as well as seafood. Obviously, a copious range of vegetables are always on hand. I went with the vegetarian option offering a soy milk based broth. Delicious. The thing I love about hot pot is, it is not only tasty but also entertaining. There is something gratifying about having your veggies simmer in a broth right in front of you!

I end with this. Only in Taiwan . . . I'm taking one of these things home with me! Muahahahahha! Who wants one?! 

Another Fear

"Go to your fears, sit with them, stare at them. Your fears are your friend, their only job is to show you undeveloped parts of yourself that you need to cultivate to live a happy life. The more you do the things you're most afraid of doing the more life opens up. Embrace your fears and your fears will embrace you."       - Jackson Kiddard

Fear. It's a real thing. During my 2009 trip to Mysore, India I was hit by a speeding motorcycle taking a turn onto a cross street driving a motoscooter. I flew off the bike making an arch. I went up, up, up, and then down. The angle at which I was launched was my saving grace. Somehow, I made it out with only a few lacerations on my feet, ankles and hands. I still to this day feel other powers were at work to have walked away from the experience minimally injured. However, the crunching sound of metal hitting on metal and the speed and velocity at which everything happened stayed with me long after. Moments can quickly change with little or no warning.

When I left India I had the obvious prémonition that I would never get back on a motorbike. Hence, the following year, back in Mysore, I became the worst backseat passenger known to man. I was jumpy, hyperaware and everything and everyone on the road was a threat. Three trips back to Mysore since then and I have never drove a scooter.

Now in Taiwan, I've been forced to get back on a motorbike. Believe me, if it weren't for the necessity I would have been absolutely fine not getting on one for the rest of my days. Then again, I have been allowing past experiences to define the present.

I know plenty of people who refuse to get up on a motorbike, especially in India, where pure chaos is the order of the day on the streets. Somehow it works and often you're left thinking, how?! In my case, I know I was avoiding. A rational fear, yes, but avoiding nonetheless. Why not relinquish the fact that, yes, I'm scared shitless, but life is too short to be bound by a fear from one experience. Taiwan is a good place to dip my toe back in. The roads are a bit chaotic, but not as nearly as chaotic as in India. A good practice ground.

Once I gathered up the courage to hop back on a motorscooter, I puttered down the road, being passed up by old ladies. To my amusement I couldn't help but giggle at the crazy slow pace I was going. Soon it got boring. I started to relax.

Driving in Taiwan there is a different flow. Gosh, in Sweden it doesn't get much more organized. Bland, haha. It's like you have to get in touch with a different internal rhythm. Then if you compare it to India you have all the animals to contend with, haha. Let me just say it never gets boring. My senses come alive in a way that can go on auto-pilot at home. These contrasts bring another experience into my realm. The relief that comes when crossing through a barrier is pure exhilaration. 

I'm glad I went through with it.