Not a matter of if...but when...

So...not too long ago when I recently arrived here in Mysore...I was told...its not a matter if your gonna get sick in India...but a matter of when. When I heard this I was like...yeah right...bring it. So about a week ago it was brought...in a nice little package disguised as a little tickle in the back of my throat...that ended up as a pounding, sledge-hammering, monster of a headache...a lovely 3 day fever, hacking cough, nausea, dizziness, fatigue, and some of the worst body aches I've ever experienced. Okay, okay...so no big deal. But when your laid up in your room for four days your mind starts to unravel. When your far away from home and your fully clothed layers deep under three heavy blankets shivering uncontrollably...you start to think...do I have malaria? Damn. Which by the way I don't! But, it crosses your mind...among other things when your laid up for too long. Like when you walk to the bathroom and you feel as if your walking on a 45 degree angle...you start to think...what the f#@* is wrong with me? When you start to recall vast experiences in your past like an unwinding type...you start to think...isn't this what happens at your death? Of course, I'm being a bit dramatic...but weird thing is that did happen...I had the clearest memory recall of my past just play out as I lay delirious at the height of my fever. Or maybe some of my brain cells started frying...which...explains a couple things. Oops. Never mind. However, the good news is...its all good...its over...I'm just a bit weak...and my pants are a couple sizes big...but I'm healthy and I was able to practice again today...which was absolutely hilarious. If I thought for moment that I was gonna be able to jump in and practice all fancy free...those hopes were dashed after the first standing forward bend in Sun Salutations...I almost tumbled over...no joke...I was still a bit dizzy...my equilibrium was waaaaaay off. Every time during standing postures when I would come back to samasthitih I would totally loose my balance...very embarrassing. Its really interesting practicing when your physically off center...but your doing your best to be in a state of equanimity. Fascinating stuff. I was a bit winded too...or was that because we did the whole primary series in 60 minutes? I am not kidding about that one...Pattabhi lead class today and he seemed to have more energy than ever...it was great. Peace.

Oh yes...I have to add...it isn't a given that you'll get sick if you come here...many people come and go without becoming ill. Also, I would like to thank those who helped me out while I was down and out...Thanks to Elle, Emily, Trisha, Satu, and Regi. Bless you.

Who ranks as the highest? One who does not harm anything. One who never retaliates. One who is always at peace regardless of the other person's disposition. -Buddha

"The thing always happens that you really believe in; and the belief in a thing makes it happen." -Frank Lloyd Wright

Sick

"He who finds a thought that enables him to obtain a slightly deeper glimpse into the eternal secrets of nature has been given a great grace." -Albert Einstein

Well...yep...I got sick...came on yesterday mid-afternoon...and to be honest I haven't felt this bad in a long time. Fever, chills, body aches, nausea, sore throat, cough and headache...Me no like! Yeah...and I'm just a bit delierious. There is something about being sick that makes you crave the comfort of what's known. I do feel a bit alone...for all I can manage are trips to the bathroom and kitchen for some ginger lemon honey tea...I'm not well enough to go out and mingle. Hmmm....maybe I shouldn't ride on the back of motorcycles, after a sweaty workout in the rain. When will I learn...probably never. Whatever this is...its been going around. Sharath and Sarawati have been ill as well...however, they have continued to teach. So...in the mean time...I'll be in bed.

Touched

Touched by VAST

Touched
You say that I am too,
So much,
Of what you say is true,

I'll never find someone quite like you,
Again,
I'll never find someone quite like you,
Like you

The razors and the dying roses,
Plead I don't leave you alone,
The demi-gods and hungry ghosts,
God, god knows I'm not at home,

I'll never find someone quite like you,
Again,
I'll never find someone quite like you,
Again,

I looked into your eyes and
Saw a world that does not exist,
I looked into your eyes and,
Saw a world I wish I was in,

I'll never find someone quite as touched as you
I'll never love someone quite the way I loved you.

"...You can't kill love. You can't even kill it with hate. You can kill in-love, and loving, and even loveliness. You can kill them all, or numb them into dense, laden regret, but you can't kill love itself. Love is the passionate search for a truth other than your own; and once you feel it, honestly and completely, love is forever. Every act of love, every moment of the heart reaching out, is a part of the universal good: it's a part of God, or what we call God, and it can never die..."
-excerpted from Shantaram, by Gregory David Roberts

Last several days I have consciously chose not to write...ever since Wednesday night's meditation. For starters several things have wore heavily on my heart, can't explain it exactly. So let me start from the beginning. At meditation, we went through the whole process...the breathing for 40 minutes...everyday it becoming easier to do. When the 40 minutes was over we laid in silence for approximately 20 minutes or more. I literally slipped into a deep something...I call it the abyss...nothingness...timelessness. Sounds scary...but its not somehow. I don't quite get it...but it can be a comforting feeling not being identified with anything but just pure being. Hopefully that makes sense. Anyway...I was in something deep...so deep that apparently everyone else heard the cue to awaken...I didn't...and Kumar had to gently nudge my shoulder several times. My eyes flew open...and I laid there for a while not wanting to move...not wanting to disturb the peace and contentment I felt. Alas, I finally rolled over and joined the rest of the group. Amusingly we all were silent...like nothing needed to be said...nothing needed to be explained. Afterwards I thanked Kumar for his time during the week. Next week, he would be introducing another meditation technique...hmmmm...I'm definitely interested. Its good to be exposed to these things...its good to experience...and then decide what suits you best in the long run.
Thursday...did my usual routine following morning practice. However, I finally was able to make another copoeira lesson that evening. Even though I hadn't made a lesson in weeks...my teacher really upped the ante...he made me do some crazy handstand stuff...with kicks in the same sequence...headstands kicking up to handstand...twisting, turning, squatting...sounds like torture...but it is so incredibly fun...and I like the physical challenge. Not only that, it really forces you to be focused because the movements can be incredibly tricky...there is no where else you can be but in the moment with the movement. Hmmm...reminds me of yoga. After the lesson my teacher gave me a ride home on his motorcycle...and it was raining...but we made the best of it by singing songs the whole way to my place...and...yeah...we got quite a few stares from the locals...weird foreigners... they must of thought.
Next morning lead primary...there were two classes held because of the number of students. Later, I had lunch with with some friends...all American...which hasn't happened once since I've been here. It was funny how it worked out that way. One of the guy's in the group is from where else but Columbus, Ohio. Too funny. However, he has lived in Japan for quite a few years...but still he's such an Ohio boy...its like this vibe or something...and an OSU alum..Go Buckeyes! And, of course we had to have a chat about our football team...yes...our football team...typical right? Across the world to do yoga but can still find the time and energy to talk about Ohio State football...hilarious.
So...with no practice on Saturday...I took the opportunity to catch up with an Indian local I met here in Mysore for dinner. He has deeply followed the teachings of Osho and it gave me another opportunity to receive more of an Indian perspective on things. Let's just say it turned out to be pretty interesting...Peace.

Horoscope in OSHO Times Magazine
Virgo June 2007
Endings and new beginnings are in the cards this month as you are inspired to take a quantum leap into unknown dimensions and opportunities. Tremendous trust arising with in allows you to take a leap into the future without any fear to preparation. You have nothing worthwhile to lose and that which can be taken from you is not worth keeping anyway. Your inner treasure is your trust in life, your freedom and your innocence; that remains with you despite changes of any kind. Trust your intuition.

Horoscope

My Horoscope in the Indian Times
Virgo, 21 June 2007
You are in a searching mood at the moment, wanting to ferret out fascinating bits of information. A more reasonable approach is to cautiously nourish a desire for change. Take a step towards getting additional information and proceed to a new path. Be clear on where you want to go.

Lessons

"Personality and personal identity are in some ways like co-ordinates on the street map drawn by our interesting relationships. We know who we are and we define what we are by references to the people we love and our reasons for loving them."
-excerpt from Shantaram, by Gregory David Roberts

Woke up this morning, after a short stint at sleeping, to walk to the shala with a dreary mist blowing in my face...it being unseasonably cool...I shivered not from the cold but of the thought...am I back in Ohio and is it October? Yikes! Funny, because the weather kind of matched my mood...I was feeling down...that meditation last night shook some more crap up to the surface...I thought I was fine last night...guess not. However, once inside the shala my mood lifted momentarily...yes!..the favorite part of my day. I did a bit of maneuvering though...I got out of my usual spot and found some place new...you never want to be too comfortable...I wanted to change my perspective. But, I was next to this guy who kept knocking his arms into me and his legs would be all up on my mat...when my practice was done I thought to myself...did I just get beat up by this dude? Funny thing is...he had no awareness of it...I guess I'm more amused by it than pissed off. What can ya do.
Sharath came up to me while I was back-bending and said..."Krounchasana"...in a authoritative but kind way. I think I was more happy about doing krounchasna than getting another posture...because its one of my all time favorite asanas (c'mon we all have our favorites).
During backbending he helped me reach for my ankles again...but this time he let go for a moment so I could stand on my own...I rooted strongly through my legs and my spine popped all the way up through my upper back. YES! That felt awesome. My upper back never pops. I think I just grew a couple inches after that...if felt so good.
So...after practice and breakfast...I headed over to Kumar's early, since I agreed to be an example for his massage students, just to debrief over some of the stuff I'd been feeling. I mean...this meditation is intense...but I'm also doing a fairly intense yoga practice too...so I had questions. I told him I was feeling a bit agitated...and that doubt...that doubt is creeping up again...something I experienced several months ago. He simply told me that this is a good time for me to be totally aware of what I am feeling...take a look at it...so I can grow from it. I looked at him like...riiiight...that sounds like fun. But seriously, this is good stuff...
In my heart...I know what this is...and it scares the shit out of me quite frankly. Its about taking the next step...no holding back...just taking it. Living my truth...not talking about it...but living it...not saying I'll do it...but really doing it...and there is responsibility in that...my awareness has expanded but now its time to grow into it. Its time...and I feel it so strong...but then...why do I doubt myself in the same process? That's what I have to examine...
I remember trying to live up to some standard...that was so false for me and slowly ate away at my soul. And, this past year has been so representative of that...so many changes. I remember it so clearly last October...when I had this whispering in my ear saying...your life is about to change...like it or not...it was almost like this force...Then a month and a half later everything set into motion...first, my long-term relationship ended...I lost my corporate job...and I remember it as clear as day as I was driving to my friend's house...there was that whispering again...it said go to India. So, months later when my passport & visa were stolen just a week and a half before my trip...I felt really defeated...like why? I told a trusted friend and mentor...I lost my identity...and she placed both hands on my shoulders and said..."yes you did...and what does that mean?" At the time I wasn't sure if I needed to hear those wise words...but because I respected her so I knew exactly what she meant. It was symbolic for me to start...to start on the path of relying on something much more real than what we build in a material sense...and I thank God for that lesson...as hard as it is...and I thank God for all those who've guided me and supported me on this journey. Peace.

Waterfalls

"...Tears begin in the heart, but some of us deny the heart so often, and for so long, that when it speaks we hear not one but a hundred sorrows in the heartbreak. We know that crying is a good and natural thing. We know that crying isn't a weakness, but a kind of strength. Still, the weeping rips us root by tangled root from the earth, and we crash like fallen trees when we cry."
-excerpt from Shantaram, by Gregory David Roberts

So...I have just started taking meditation classes from Kumar here in Gokolum. This week, being my first week to participate, I get thrown into some technique I have never been exposed to and is very intense. When Kumar started to explain what we were going to do...I quickly looked at the door like...should I just exit quietly and call it a day. But, alas, something kept me there...curious for one...but also...I like to test my limits. Just how far can I go...
He went on to tell us that we will be breathing heavily out through our mouth for 40 minutes...something about holo-tropic breathing...I think...not sure. Anyway...we start by lying down...and he plays some music that helps with finding rhythm to our breath. From the very beginning I was like what in the hell did I just get myself into...I don't wanna do this...but something inside me kept me going...but there were so many times I wanted to stop. Kumar explained that this technique is extremely powerful...and brings stuck emotions to the surface to be released...hmmmm...okay...let's see. After 40 exhausting minutes he had us slow down our breathing and just let go... All I can say is...after doing it yesterday and today...there is definitely something to it. He told us to be aware of any dreams we have or be observant of other reactions. Last night...I did have a interesting dream...about a hurtful situation that happened in high school...weird...guess I didn't let that one go. Today after our 40 minute breathing session...I laid still...and I went somewhere...that if I had the choice I would have never come back. Afterwards...one of the other girls who participated in the group looked at me and said that I looked incredibly peaceful...I was like...I do? Thanks...and she said...no... thank you. With that being said tomorrow...we have one more day of this technique...its just interesting...and I'm always game. But, it really struck me how much grace washes over you when your done...and it brings me back to how incredible that stillness is that we all have inside. I think thats why Yoga has had such a powerful affect on my life. I truly know in heart that I could lose everything...everything I own...everyone I have ever loved...I could be out casted by others...I could be ridiculed...and deemed unworthy...but!...There is something inside that no one can touch, steal, or take...and we all have it...that little light...thats in the beginning and the end...that never ceases...and never diminishes...
I'll always have my mat...heck, someone could steal my mat too...but I would still have my practice...I could still go back home. Peace.

A Day at the Palace

Reality is all-encompassing: the absolute nature is one. Although we may feel separate from the original created reality-whether we call it 'God,' 'peak experience,' or 'enlightened mind'-through awareness we can contact this essential part of ourselves.
-Tarthang Tulku

Cooler Days

You Are an Example

You've come into this physical body to offer an example to others--for words do not teach. It is life experience that brings you your knowing. And so you've come forth into this body to experience and feel and to make decisions, but the ultimate goal is to live a physical life that is delicious, that brings you to the state of ecstasy that you feel from your broader perspective.
-Abraham--G 2/17/91

After two days off from practice it took a while to get all the kinks out...my mind slightly unsettled...my body just a bit tighter than normal. The shala was extremely crowded for lead primary. I believe even the men's and women's changing rooms were full. Its always an interesting experience waiting for the gates to open in the morning before class. Today, I was early and one of the first people near the gate...but some how...its so funny, because I always end up being one of the last ones in the shala. I just can't seem to make myself anxiously enter trying to find a "proper spot"...whatever that means...So...like I said...had quite a few kinks, but nothing major...the weather in Mysore has been cooler...especially today...because we are entering monsoon season here. Which means I wasn't sweating as profusely as normal...I guess a welcome change...because I can't seem to drink enough water.
I've met a new friend here...actually several because there are always new faces coming in every week. He's a yogi from Mexico...and he had me laughing until my stomach hurt at the coconut stand yesterday. "My friend!" is how he gets people's attention and he's a two cheek kiss kind of guy. It was so funny because he was commenting on how he felt that his experience here hasn't been spiritual enough for him...and I was like...well its all what you make of it I guess...then later he asked me what is it gonna take for him to get laid around here...Oh brother! This guy is something else! I was like why you asking me? Then I went on to tell him good luck...finding spirituality and his quest to get laid...unbelievable...but you know, I can't fault someone for being honest...too funny. Just on a side note though...I won't be helping him with either quest...that's for sure...I'm no guru...and...we're just friends.
So...the last several weeks...I've been laying low...plotting a couple possibilities...taking time to reflect...journaling...reading...meeting various friends one on one to talk about things. I know, sounds pretty dull right? But, I gotta admit I've enjoyed it. I've kind of shaken a lot of things up inside...since I've been here...and the dust has settled a bit...and now it's time to have a look and see what's transpired... all I can say is I'm pretty happy about it...things feel good...so...we'll see what happens...Peace.

Bylakuppe

"Sooner or later, fate puts us together with all the people, one by one, who show us what we could, and shouldn't, let ourselves become. Sooner or later we meet the drunkard, the waster, the betrayer, the ruthless mind, and the hate filled heart. But fate loads the dice, of course, because we usually find ourselves loving or pitying almost all of those people. And it's impossible to despise someone you honestly pity, and to shun someone you truly love.
-excerpt from Shantaram, by Gregory David Roberts

So...I've had an interesting several days. Also, I have had some really interesting conversations with people. Damn interesting. I find I am a much better listener than talker...and every time I listen...a light bulb goes off...a new insight comes to the forefront...or maybe a message I've needed to hear or was ready to hear. Like for instance, I met an Iranian graduate student at my routine evening stint at the coconut stand. We struck up a conversation after I laughed at his reaction to the obscurely small coconut that was handed to him. He wasn't too happy about it...but when I made light about it, his reaction softened. Anyway...it was so fascinating because I got to hear his point of view on various issues that have baffled me or that I have been curious about. What truly surprised me was when he told me that he liked President George Bush. I was like...Whoa...I gotta hear this one. I had to ask him over and over if he was serious. However, from his point of view, as being Kurdish...he has felt support from the U.S. and has been happy with some of our policies. Hmmmm....interesting. Now, I am not saying I agree with everything the U.S. does, as of late, is right...but, I am learning that it is so much better to have an opinion on something after learning every angle first. On the other hand though...part of me feels I don't even want to have an opinion on anything anymore...I just want to learn as much as I can about people and the world...and go from there. Of course, being a woman, I had to get his perspective on that. I must admit, the covering up with only a small slit for the eyes is something I don't understand...and I'm not sure if I ever will. He told me he wasn't for it, but he is part of the few. Positive thing though is that he said that over fifty percent of the population in his country are young people...and in the next 10-15 years much will be changing in that part of the world. That was his forecast anyway. I just find people's perspectives on life fascinating. However, the one perspective that never changes is that we all want happiness...love...and a purpose or passion that moves our soul.

So...I have also had the pleasure of visiting some of the sights outside of Mysore yesterday....and I must say that Bylakuppe...home of the Golden Temple is one of the most amazing places I have ever been. I am not sure how many hundreds of Tibetan Monks are settled here, but they range from the age of as young as around seven years old. This place is like an oasis...with beautiful temples and gardens...all dedicated to finding peace and serenity within and is a training ground to then send it out into the world. Just the energy of this place was magical. Seeing the monks in their robes and the smiles on their faces proved that one doesn't need much to feel this sense of fulfillment. All I can say is this place is something special...

After Bylakuppe we trekked over to Madikeri...a plantation town where coffee and bananas are grown. This quaint town is nestled in the hills...and we were able to see incredible views of the country side...green mountains that reached up into low laying clouds...absolutely beautiful. Lastly we ventured to Abbey Falls...and then visited a Hindu Temple where a ceremony was taking place...I was a little confused at what to do...it being my first time...but I just followed along...eventually ending up with the red ash in between my brows...pretty cool...

With yesterday being a moon day...and today the usual Saturday off...I have really come to enjoy these free days. Truly taking the rest. Before, I would still practice on moon days...Saturdays...and such...but I have to say I am really beginning to understand the meaning of taking these days off. Not doing anything "extra" on the side. Sometimes, being an Ashtanga practitioner there is a bigger lesson in the not doing than the doing. I mean, come on...we are a very motivated bunch...I dunno...just something to think about. Peace.

"...I know it isn't cruelty or shame that characterizes the human race. Its forgiveness that makes us who we are. Without forgiveness, our species would've annihilated itself in endless retributions. Without forgiveness, there would be no history. With that hope, there would be no art, for every work of art is in some way an act of forgiveness. Without that dream, there would be no love, for every act of love is in some way a promise to forgive. We live on because we can love, and we love because we can forgive..."
-excerpt from Shantaram, by Gregory David Roberts

Integration

Sometimes we love with nothing more than hope. Sometimes we cry with everything except tears. In the end that's all there is: love and its duty, sorrow and its truth. In the end that's all we have-to hold on tight until the dawn.
-excerpt from Shantaram, by Gregory David Robert

Ever since my mysore practice time was bumped, I have been getting up at 3:45 am to make it down to the shala to start at approximately 4:45am or so...depending on when the gates open. Lately I have been walking down...half asleep...half in a trance. Which is almost good because my head isn't as active with thought. I've come to the realization that there is something to be said for practicing at the same time everyday...there is a special kind of depth that comes with that...its like a control...for those who are more scientific minded...same practice...same time. To some it may sound rigid...but everyday is different and how we navigate through it with this consistency is a priceless training ground for the mind.
This morning I moved much more slowly...especially focusing on the quality of my breath...with that came a gentleness, and a softening. Something clicked with this new awareness...and it felt so good...like a type of integration. I will have to sit with this one for a bit. Just when I feel I couldn't be more in awe with this practice...more is revealed...exposed...uncovered. Nothing could be more exciting than this...tapping in...and allowing my true self to shine forth.

One a side note...if your still reading...I would like to say hello to Taishi...I met your friend here in Mysore and he said that you say hello! I just wanted to take a moment to say hello too and I hope all is well. Take care...and stay in touch. Peace.

Illumination

"We must be before we can do, and we can do only to the extent which we are, and what we are depends upon what we think."
-Charles F. Haanel

Arai kor dai

Think truly, and thy thoughts shall the world's famine feed; speak truly, and each word of thine shall be a fruitful seed; live truly, and thy life shall be a great and noble creed
-Horatio Bonar

Practice this morning, lead primary series, the shala was busting out at the seams. After the main room was full...people had to set up their mats in the lobby area...once that was full, some had to practice in the changing rooms! Well it seems Ashtanga Yoga is as popular as ever. Guruji lead the opening chant but Sharath lead the the rest of the class. The energy was pretty intense. During Utthita Hasta Padangustahasana I was all over the place. Funny thing is, I kept wanting to giggle, which I did...but I had to bite my lip not to start laughing out loud. I was like what is wrong with me?...I was dancing allover the place...not able to balance. I don't think I have ever struggled with this posture like this...Oh well.
So after class I lined up outside the office to give thanks to Guruji and Sharath...and Sharath pointed at me and said "come." I looked behind me...nobody there...and I was like..."me?" Sharath nodded. I walked in the office and he told me..."tomorrow pasasana...only pasasana." Very interesting. Peace.

A Moment of Truth

So...I didn't have much to say regarding what released for me during Friday's class...but I've had a time to reflect...and to at least be real about it. The beauty of what the practice of yoga does is that it deepens our awareness. Like when I have an ego moment...its that little angle sitting on my shoulder saying...tisk, tisk...your full shit...you know that. What a blessing that is...just to have that awareness. The real challenge is what we do with it.
So much has flooded to the forefront. I remember the times when it was more important for me to be perfect instead of have fun. I see where I've held back...ohhhhh so many times in my life. I am starting to feel who I was before...before everything changed...when a part of myself died...so I thought. But, I have come to realize that all is not lost...it never is. Is my heart breaking open? Yeah...it can be painful...but I asked for this. I have remembered some of my darkest days...and by some little miracle though...grace has always been handed to me in my lowest of lows...that is what has kept me believing and knowing that of course I am never alone in this...ever. I would never take anything back, however, because I would not be here, right now feeling what I feel...it would never have brought me to this precious moment of knowing what is...
When you open to the experience with out holding back, that is when we transform. Why cut it off...even if it doesn't come back to us in the way would like or expect...because it always starts inside us...and no where else. Peace.

Lead Primary with Guruji

How amazing is it when we release expectations finding the good in any given situation...and to be thankful for it...when that happens...things have a funny way of getting better and better...just being in that space of gratitude. This morning, for lead primary, Guruji came down to class for the first time ever since taking ill. He walked in the room...unassisted...walking on his own...to take his place at the front of the room...and he looked so good...he looked so healthy...and I was standing there like...Whoaaa...he's here. I mean, I knew going in...before my trip to India that there was a chance that I may never get a chance to take class from Guruji...because things were so uncertain. But...he was there...and I felt so thankful to be in his presence...and I couldn't have been happier. Why do I love this man so? What is it? I was thinking...geesh...this trip keeps getting better and better...what's next? Will I become enlightened? Just Kidding...

Well...what comes next came very unexpected. During savasana...I broke down...seriously...I had to bite my lip not to start sobbing. The whole time I was lying there like...what is wrong with me?? Literally...I laid there feeling overwhelmed by my emotions. So...I'm not going to go into detail about why...how...or what. All I can say is that whatever was gripping in my back for the past week and a half...LET GO...Peace.

"Strange is our situation here on earth. Each of us comes for a short visit, not knowing why, yet sometimes seeming to divine a purpose. From the standpoint of daily life, however, there is one thing we do know: that man is here for the sake of other men-above all for those upon whose smiles and well-being our own happiness depends."
-Albert Einstein

So yesterday I failed to mention something...regarding Sarawati...In the past month I have really grown to love and respect her so much...Sharath has been gone for the last week because of the yoga conference held in Hong Kong...and she really worked herself to the bone these past several days...damn she's good!! Seriously though, what a kind and generous soul...I feel it every time she adjusts me in back bending. Some...moan and complain because Sharath won't be there...but come on! I am sad to see him go too...but we all couldn't be in better hands. I am just amazed how strong she is and how well she is able to work a room. I just had to mention it...Peace.

Ouch...Pain is coming

Practice today...oh my lord...was quite a spectacle for me. Literally, when moving and breathing this morning I was like...why did I even bother getting out of bed...everything seemed to hurt...and the whole time I was like...why?? Then it came to me...ohhhh...second month...comes the pain. I really didn't believe it when Tim told me this...I thought I could easily squeak by the pain part...because honestly I haven't experienced much of it in my practice...But...the whole time...(I'm laughing about it know)...I was like...WTF!!! There has been this annoying tightness in my lower left backside...that I swear to God, its holding on for dear life. Its that spot...I have written about in earlier posts...it just doesn't seem to want to let go...I guess I just have to be patient. On top of that I felt weak during my vinyasas...and my hamstrings felt about 1 inch long...and my heart hurts...it was all I could do not to give up. However I kept telling myself "body strong...mind weak...just keep breathing..." Then...funny thing is when Sarawati came up to me for back bending she looked at me curious like...and said..."Only Primary??" All I could muster was a weak..."yes..." Then today of all days she had me not reach back for my ankles...or my lower shins...but she had me reach high up on my shins!!! Let me just say...I didn't just see the sun, the moon and the stars...I saw the entire cosmos! When I popped up to standing...I felt drunk...energy coursed through my body.

With all that being said...it allows me to reflect on how important is to be just as present during challenging times as in good times...that's why this practice is such an awesome training ground for our own inner growth and experience. I mean...there really is no good practice or bad practice...there just is...and there is this awesome chance to observe and persevere...and to surrender to whatever lies ahead...with grace and equanimity. Its so easy to get caught up in the drama of any given situation and let that be the focus...allowing it to take over. But, the empowering part is the choice to take a step back...see things clearly for what they are...and release the stuff that holds us back and doesn't serve us anymore...Such as negative self talk, insecurity, and doubt. I am not sure if I make any sense...I am still trying to soak in what it means for me in my life...but, damn...I think I am beginning to understand. Peace.

Catch & Release

This post is solely dedicated to someone, who I met here in Mysore...I am not sure if you'll ever read this...but you'll know this is for you...

I just have to say it...because you have left me feeling so happy just to know you...and nothing came more unexpected than what I felt when we first met...I can't explain it...and I don't think I could...and why would I want to...you have left feeling so inspired...and this something has stirred my soul...Thank you. You have blessed my life. Peace.