Grace

"Grace lubricates your way, smooths it out and makes it easy, speeds it up. It's like having ball bearings instead of wagon wheels. It's like having the wind fill your sails or walking down hill. It's like perfumed air, the subtle smell of spring. Obstacles are reduced to a manageable scale. The way to God is grace-full. Grace has humor too, making things lighter, so we don't take them so seriously. You're aware of the spiritual meaning and perspective on your life, but it's a light touch; it's not heavy. Grace makes it lighthearted, the heart full of light."

- Excerpt from Be Love Now: The Path of the Heart. Ram Dass, Rameshwar Das

Grace

"Listen to your life. See it for the fathomless mystery that it is. In the boredom and pain of it no less than in the excitement and gladness: touch, taste, smell, your way to the holy and hidden heart of it because in the last analysis all moments are key moments, and life itself is grace."

(Buechner)

The above quote has become one of my favorites. It pretty much sums it up.

As I learn. A student of life. I see how in the slowing down, nothing is missed. When we open, align to the surrounding flow, the pulse of life, a floodgate of knowing, the essence of being, seeps into our very cells, if we allow it.

As I surrender, I realize I wanna taste life. I wanna reveal in all that is real. Those simple moments. Raw. Unrefined. Done are the days of over processed living. Artificial. Funny how it intertwines into everything. The food I enjoy eating. The life I choose to life. Who I choose to spend my time with. I wanna taste what is real, and true.

Where the challenge resides is in accepting every moment life brings.

Grace, is everywhere, in everything.

True.

Being & Doing

"When you become comfortable with uncertainty, infinite possibilities open up in your life."

- Eckhart Tolle

This morning when practicing, I had a moment where I realized the difference between doing and being in each posture.

Through the years, even though flowing through the same sequence, the richness lies in finding newness and presence everyday. Some days it's a struggle. Other days everything seems to flow with ease and effortlessness. Accepting that today wasn't like yesterday, and being with whatever has changed, has given me the experience on the mat to then take into daily life.

Like Tim Miller would say - "It's the same sequence, but everyday is different."

It can be easy to get caught up in the accomplishment of postures, however with that, there is little experience with Grace. Balancing the effort with non-doing starts to become a subtle practice.

After Mysore, India, I stayed true with where Sharath guided me, and found total satisfaction with scaling back, and becoming less concerned with how far I've come, and more into how deep I can go. It's never ending. Instead of spreading myself thin, I found unlimited abundance with simply being where I am.

Now I've come to a point where I've listened to my inner voice, and pressed on a bit further, knowing that nothing has been lost, and nothing is really gained by doing so. All is already available, and always has been.

It's so cool how our teachers have a way of subtly teaching us these vast and important lessons.

Surrender

A person looks, The blossoms look back: Plain heart seeing into plain heart.

~Sun Bu-er

Teaching yoga, many times, is a humbling experience. Well, most of the time it is...wait... I take that back...I don't think there's ever a time when I don't feel completely humbled and inspired by students...with all their effort and insight. Its exciting to observe the transformation process. Witnessing the expansion and opening of their hearts is extraordinary.

Yoga takes one deep...if willing. When facilitating a class, I enjoy keeping the rhythm and pace of the practice going....taking the mind out of the experience. Getting practitioners to empty out the head space and enter into the portal of the body, and into the heart is easier when maintaining the pulse and tempo. For many, its a new way to exist in reality. Its a whole new way of being. Not really something that is expressed readily in our culture. Interesting. I have struggles with this from time to time. When reminding students, it becomes a reminder to myself...

Today I had a student come up to me and tell me she had something to share regarding her practice. I was bit apprehensive at first...you know we all have insecurities as teachers at times...not sure what will be expressed. One reason I felt this way was because she was one of the students who never really had much to say before or after class...which is fine...and many times when cuing she would do her own thing from time to time. I let go of that, but I often wondered if she enjoyed the practice. However, she had continued to show up, and in the beginning I like to give practitioners space to explore and be as much as possible. Anyway, she went on to tell me that when sitting in Padmasana...breathing our last 10 conscious breaths, she felt a strong connection to a greater energy...a bigger energy than herself...and she told me that she had the awareness that thoughts were meaningless. Just from observing her while she talked I saw an openness...a blossoming that I hadn't seen before. I've always felt the last 3 postures in finishing sequence to be some of the richest...and I enjoy breathing and counting with the class during the 10 breaths to assist in keeping everyone present. I continued to listen to her expressing this new found awareness...not putting my 2 cents in...for why should I? Why should I put my own identifications on her...tarnishing her own experience and opening.

To listen to a student's experience such as this is special. More so than one being able to finally jump through...or to complete a bind in Mari D, or Suptakonosana. When a practitioner immerses themselves into Tristana, and surrenders to it...wow...what beauty shines through!

Surrender has been a big theme for me in the last several months. Recently, I was talking to a former student, who has become a mentor...for she's over twice my age and has such rich life experience. She was telling me that it doesn't matter...to what or to who...just allow yourself to surrender...surrender...surrender! She went on saying that if she could sum up the writings of the Bhagavad Gita into one word...it would be SURRENDER. Ahhhh. Yes.

Its a challenge at times...surrender. But when we finally stop resisting, and loosen our grip...grace can finally flow.

Just a Glimpse...

"The truth is that there is nothing noble in being superior to somebody else. The only real nobility is in being superior to your former self." ~Whitney Young

I don't know much...but what I do know are the tiny states of grace that I experience when practicing...when connecting...keep bringing me back...back to something more...an experience that can only be felt...but never really talked about...its something that can never be quite put into words...for there are no words that fully express what these tiny glimpses of grace are...and this pull is like a force that surrounds us all...its magic...and it bestows everyone...sometimes we resist...sometimes we let it shower us...but its always a choice...do we open...or do we close...
I'm not sure if I really new what it meant to feel peace before...a moment of true inner peace...until coming here...I know you can find it anywhere...but something has connected for me in India. When taking the temple tour trip out of Mysore...I found myself just smiling...for no apparent reason...as I soaked in the rural landscape, while riding in a speeding car...and its moments like these...the simple moments...that make life so pleasurable. Just to observe...to look and listen...as my mind becomes calm and quiet. Being in the space of this moment...no more...no less...what else could I ask for...what else could I want?

I hate goodbyes...Hey Em...Thank you for your love and support. Its not the end...but the beginning... Peace.

A Moment of Truth

So...I didn't have much to say regarding what released for me during Friday's class...but I've had a time to reflect...and to at least be real about it. The beauty of what the practice of yoga does is that it deepens our awareness. Like when I have an ego moment...its that little angle sitting on my shoulder saying...tisk, tisk...your full shit...you know that. What a blessing that is...just to have that awareness. The real challenge is what we do with it.
So much has flooded to the forefront. I remember the times when it was more important for me to be perfect instead of have fun. I see where I've held back...ohhhhh so many times in my life. I am starting to feel who I was before...before everything changed...when a part of myself died...so I thought. But, I have come to realize that all is not lost...it never is. Is my heart breaking open? Yeah...it can be painful...but I asked for this. I have remembered some of my darkest days...and by some little miracle though...grace has always been handed to me in my lowest of lows...that is what has kept me believing and knowing that of course I am never alone in this...ever. I would never take anything back, however, because I would not be here, right now feeling what I feel...it would never have brought me to this precious moment of knowing what is...
When you open to the experience with out holding back, that is when we transform. Why cut it off...even if it doesn't come back to us in the way would like or expect...because it always starts inside us...and no where else. Peace.

I Blog Therefore I AM...

So...Not being very cyberspace inclined in the past this whole blog thing is...I don't know...daunting, maybe? I mean I didn't know what a blog was exactly a couple months ago. But I am always up for something new and trying new things. My friend helped me get set up...but I have to admit I don't "put myself out there" all too often. What I mean is journaling online seems strange to me because I can be a very private person. However, life has changed, I have changed...Heck! Life is change and I really have nothing to hide...Well...Let me take that back...Geesh, this girl's gotta have some mystery.
Moving on...Let's see...about 3 months ago I was laid off from my job and my relationship of almost four years ended suddenly. Both blessings in disguise. The being laid off from a soul sucking, exhausting corporate job was the sweetest relief. Health benefits, an awesome salary+bonus, company car, great 401K, etc...mean absolutely nothing if you it doesn't feel right...ya know!..I mean to the average person yeah looks great...but c'mon...when it comes to all that I am NOT your average person anymore. Trusting what your soul really wants...Trusting what makes your heart soar...knowing that everything will be just fine if you step in the direction of your heart's desire is something I never want to ignore again. EVER. But I had to go through what I did to figure that out. It all makes sense...that is why anything considered "BAD" that has happened in my life is such an awesome blessing...It would have never brought me right here, RIGHT NOW...knowing what I know. Granted I gotta a lot to learn...but thank God for these lessons. Sometimes you have had to experienced the deepest of pain...sometimes you have to delve in the darkest parts of your soul...To experience the greatest of Joys...To experience God's Grace. I capitalize Grace because it is everywhere...All you have to do is look...Look around...Its everywhere! I just want to scream it! Peace and Love to All.