Process

“Do not seek the because - in love there is no because, no reason, no explanation, no solutions.”

(Anais Nin)

Process. I had a new practitioner of the practice tell me they were tired of being a process. This was after a highly emotional breakdown/breakthrough. It never ceases to amaze how through the practice of yoga layers start to dismantle. I've seen it time and time again. It isn't always necessary one go through a massive emotional upheaval, but sometimes it does happen. Sometimes it's necessary. Sometimes we need to feel something for once in our lives instead of numbing, running, hiding, deflecting those dark places within us.

After I heard this, I asked what they meant by being tired of being a process, even though I already felt every bit of what they meant by it. Because, I've been there. Oh my, I've soooo been there. I've felt this. Sometimes still do. But, yeah, I totally understood what the meaning behind it was.

The feeling of being a process. The process of becoming. Becoming what? It. That. That thing. That place that is just beyond grasp. Ugh. Then will I find happiness?

It's easy to fall into this space. Thinking there is some type of salvation to work toward. When really, salvation lives in every single moment. Each moment culminating into profound awareness if only we stop resisting what is. Sounds so completely simple. And is. However, to put into practice, daily, moment to moment, requires a fair amount of letting go. Which happened through the emotional release.

Scaling the mountain of perfection is an endless climb. The ego feeds on this energy. The energy of continual dissatisfaction for what is right in front of our faces. We climb. We reach. Thinking fulfillment is 'out there' somewhere.

On the flip side, it doesn't mean apathy. Not caring. Never desiring. But, a little thing I've learned along the way is the importance of embracing the imperfections. Embrace that our hearts will get broken. Embrace the rejection. Embrace what we feel for God's sake! Embrace those dark places. When we open to who we are NOT rather than push it away, we start to feel who it is we ARE. As we embrace everything, we can use it as fuel to further understand.

Embrace meaning to be present.

As I further listened. I really had no words to speak of. For, how do you illustrate to someone that this too will pass, and to be cut open as such will lead one where they need to go even though it feels uncomfortable?

I've never been the best at giving advice because often I feel as if I'm bumbling along in life, figuring it out as I go along. However, I will say, I've started to soften with time versus harden. I don't want this life to make me hard. I don't want to shut down. I don't want to live feeling like I have to build a fence around me exuding the need to build on to my exterior. Yes, it leaves me more vulnerable, but through it all, I've learned this is a strength.

Love is the strongest power of all. It's a softening, yielding energy. Such a strong amount of trust it takes. I trust a little more everyday ... and oh, how I soften. A settling into. A settling into my own being.

It never matters if we get knocked down. It's in the getting up where we find what we are made of.