River

Emeli Sandé - River
If you're looking for the big adventureand gold is all that's on your mindIf all you want's someone to take your picturethen I won't waste your time.See, maybe I'm too quiet for youyou probably never noticed mebut if you're too big to follow rivershow you ever gonna find the sea?

Chorus:so follow me i'll be your river, riverI'll do the running for youfollow me i'll be your river, riveri'll move the mountains for youfollow me, i'll be your river, riveri'm here to keep you floatingfollow mei'll be your river river. River, river, yeah
If all you want are answers to your questionsAnd you can't seem to find no love for freeIf you're looking for the right directionThen darling, look for me
See, I can make the load much lighterI just need you to confide in mebut if you're too proud to follow rivershow you ever gonna find the sea?

Chorus:so follow me, i'll be your river, riverI'll do the running for youfollow me, i'll be your river, riveri'll move the mountains for youfollow me. i'll be your river, riverI'm here to keep you floatingfollow me i'll be your river, river. River, river, yeah

Wherever you're standing, I will be by your sidethrough the good, through the bad, i'll never be hard to findso wherever you're standing I will be by your sidethrough the good, through the bad, i'll never be hard to find

Chorus:so follow me, i'll be your river, riverI'll do the running for youfollow me, i'll be your river, riveri'll move the mountains for youfollow me. I'll be your river, riverI'm here to keep you floatingfollow me, I'll be your river, river. River, river, yeah
Wherever you're standing, I will be by your side

Through the good, through the bad, I'll never be hard to find

* * *

I've been loving the vocal stylings of Emeli Sandé. Refreshing. Different. I find great pleasure in finding musical artist that fly a little below the radar. She's a gem and the above song is one of my favorites, specifically because of the lyrics, and it is a treat to hear it through such a exquisite voice. Everyday I am challenged in letting go. A constant theme. Many times I have resisted in letting go; however, when I finally do it seems a greater possibility opens. 

Process

“Do not seek the because - in love there is no because, no reason, no explanation, no solutions.”

(Anais Nin)

Process. I had a new practitioner of the practice tell me they were tired of being a process. This was after a highly emotional breakdown/breakthrough. It never ceases to amaze how through the practice of yoga layers start to dismantle. I've seen it time and time again. It isn't always necessary one go through a massive emotional upheaval, but sometimes it does happen. Sometimes it's necessary. Sometimes we need to feel something for once in our lives instead of numbing, running, hiding, deflecting those dark places within us.

After I heard this, I asked what they meant by being tired of being a process, even though I already felt every bit of what they meant by it. Because, I've been there. Oh my, I've soooo been there. I've felt this. Sometimes still do. But, yeah, I totally understood what the meaning behind it was.

The feeling of being a process. The process of becoming. Becoming what? It. That. That thing. That place that is just beyond grasp. Ugh. Then will I find happiness?

It's easy to fall into this space. Thinking there is some type of salvation to work toward. When really, salvation lives in every single moment. Each moment culminating into profound awareness if only we stop resisting what is. Sounds so completely simple. And is. However, to put into practice, daily, moment to moment, requires a fair amount of letting go. Which happened through the emotional release.

Scaling the mountain of perfection is an endless climb. The ego feeds on this energy. The energy of continual dissatisfaction for what is right in front of our faces. We climb. We reach. Thinking fulfillment is 'out there' somewhere.

On the flip side, it doesn't mean apathy. Not caring. Never desiring. But, a little thing I've learned along the way is the importance of embracing the imperfections. Embrace that our hearts will get broken. Embrace the rejection. Embrace what we feel for God's sake! Embrace those dark places. When we open to who we are NOT rather than push it away, we start to feel who it is we ARE. As we embrace everything, we can use it as fuel to further understand.

Embrace meaning to be present.

As I further listened. I really had no words to speak of. For, how do you illustrate to someone that this too will pass, and to be cut open as such will lead one where they need to go even though it feels uncomfortable?

I've never been the best at giving advice because often I feel as if I'm bumbling along in life, figuring it out as I go along. However, I will say, I've started to soften with time versus harden. I don't want this life to make me hard. I don't want to shut down. I don't want to live feeling like I have to build a fence around me exuding the need to build on to my exterior. Yes, it leaves me more vulnerable, but through it all, I've learned this is a strength.

Love is the strongest power of all. It's a softening, yielding energy. Such a strong amount of trust it takes. I trust a little more everyday ... and oh, how I soften. A settling into. A settling into my own being.

It never matters if we get knocked down. It's in the getting up where we find what we are made of.

No-Nothingness

"Earth provides enough to satisfy every man’s need, but not every man’s greed."

(Mahatma Gandhi)

A recurring theme, not knowing. Not knowing, is an absolutely retched place for the ego, but in turn, keeps us open and receptive. It brings back our curious nature, and inherent innocence. As we abandon our thinking mind, we sit in a space of feeling and intuition.

Inhabiting a place of not knowing used to be such a frightening place, and still can be, however, now, I've learned how to embrace it with practice.

During our weekly Hanuman Chalisa chanting, one of the lovely ladies in our group pointed out the translation of one of the early verses that truly drove it home.

The passionate verse states ...

I don't know anything, so I remember you, Son of the Wind;
Grant me strength, intelligence, and wisdom,
and remove my impurities and sorrows.

Osho also has his own commentary on this state, that is more descriptive regarding emptiness, or as he coins ... no-nothingness.

Being "in the gap" can be disorienting and even scary. Nothing to hold on to, no sense of direction, not even a hint of what choices and possibilities might lie ahead. But it was just this state of pure potential that existed before the universe was created. All you can do now is to relax into this no-thingness...fall into this silence between the words...watch this gap between the outgoing and incoming breath. And treasure each empty moment of the experience. Something sacred is about to be born.

Often emptiness has a negative connotation when it comes from a place of lack or feeling less than who we truly are. However, emptiness can be a good feeling when it comes from a place of connectedness, not desiring anything, but feeling the fulfillment of pure being. I like to call it spaciousness. The word, or experience, is rooted in feeling expansive, open and fully ALIVE.

When contemplating this, I take pause at how much of my life, and self-esteem, came from identifying with or to something, like it gave me a sense of self, when in reality it only strengthened my falseness and stifled me. Life is about living and learning, and it brought me here, so I'm appreciative of all that I've walked through. It's funny and interesting how it always goes back to letting go.

Let it go, let flow.

Let go, let God.

When I stand in awareness, all I need, is given ... all I desire, is here ...

Stepping into the Void

"I don't want to live. I want to love first, and live incidentally."
(Zelda Fitzgerald)

Stepping into the void. Sounds like an awful thing, doesn't it? I mean, it isn't always a comforting place. However, I've learned voids can be places of freedom. Admitting that I don't know anything, and can't really claim to, opens many doors of experience. Leading with curiosity is always much more fun than being the expert.

Being an avid reader, the one thing I can say about simplifying my life that hasn't worked, is when it comes to books. I seem to acquire a stack of books wherever I go. I have my favorite genres, but also an insatiable appetite, and curiosity regarding many forms of thought, and experiences on life and love. I mean, what else is there? Lol.

Explains my tendency toward wanderlust. Traveling to far off places forces one to step into unknowing. A void of sorts. In the void, I discover something inside that I hadn't realized was there. Yes there might be a bit of fear present, but often when walking through it, divine shifts happen to get you by. And, what a thrill that is. We walk, things happen by inspired design, and all that needs to be done is to take that first uncertain step.

In the void things are created. Inspiration comes. Life begins. It's open. It's fair game. Anything is possible, and is. You can either choose to be scared by it, or embrace whatever comes with it. Really what have we got to loose? I mean really, when we start subtracting from our life, we finally get to the meat anyway. There's a world of gain in the void. It's PURE POTENTIAL.

Not knowing is a good thing. And as I type this, I can't believe I am. Several years ago I didn't even have a clue to this concept. When saying over and over and over again to someone..."that I didn't know, I don't know...I just don't KNOW!!!"

I was told calmly..."that's okay. That's actually a good thing."

I meekly replied..."it is?" I was dumbfounded.

The only thing you can learn about being in control is that you aren't. Another concept that has burned me on one too many of occasions. But, it's all good. I find relief in letting go, instead of hanging on to beliefs, concepts and labels. I know I must still harbor some, but the more I let go, I start to feel lighter, more in tune and self contained in a way that sustains from the inside out.

As I move forward, there will still be unknowns to contend with. Yes, there's a rough sketch for things to come that are in the works, which is beautiful and great, however the exciting part is also in the unfolding and emerging that I still haven't got a clue about, and that's nice.

Pick Up a Coin

Let's try an experiment. Pick up a coin. Imagine that it represents the object which you are grasping. Hold it tightly, clutched in your fist and extend your arm, with the palm of your hand facing the ground. Now if you let go or relax your grip, you will lose what you are clinging onto. That's why you hold on.

But there's another possibility. You can let go and yet keep hold of it. With your arm still outstretched, turn your hand over so that it faces the sky. Release your hand and the coin still rests on your open palm. You let go. And the coin is still yours, even with all this space around it.

So there is a way in which we can accept impermanence and still relish life, at one and the same time, without grasping.

~ Sogyal Rinpoche

Devotion

When you are fiercely angry or feeling joy beyond description, when you are at an impasse, not knowing what to do, when you are in terror or running for your life, know that such intense states of mind are fully permeated with the spanda, the creative vibration of divine shakti. Find her there.

~Spanda Karikas



I love the story of Hanuman...Thought I would dedicate this post to him and the purity of essence he represents. When I think about the muck I've been living in lately its the portrayal of Hanuman that pulls me up, and breathes new life into me.

Morning practice today felt a new vitality enter in...not because of anything that I did, but because I let go, and released...a lightness filled me. When standing at the top of my mat, I allowed the energy to move through. As an act of devotion, I showed up and was present. That is all it takes. Just being, and using the practice as a connection to something bigger than myself...makes all the difference...





Hanuman characteristics: bravery, strength, humility, wisdom, truthfulness, sincerity, loyalty, perseverance, utter selflessness, and devotion to God. A true Karma yogi, who does not seek rewards or fame. Represents selfless devotion and love.

Hanuman symbolizes the temperament of the human intellect, which is jumpy, uneasy, excitable and unquiet. It is only through the direct path of pure bhakti (devotion), that it can be made aware of its profound potential, and silent essence.



In Hindu symbolism, a monkey signifies the human mind, which is ever restless and never still. The monkey-mind happens to be the only thing over which a man has absolute control. We cannot control the world around us but we can control and tame our mind by ardent discipline. We cannot choose our life but we can choose the way we respond to it.



H ~ Humility and hopefulness (optimism)
A ~ Admiration (truthfulness, devotion)
N ~ Nobility (sincerity, loyalty, modesty)
U ~ Understanding (knowledge)
M ~ Mastery over Ego (kindness, compassion)
A ~ Achievements (strength)
N ~ Nishkama-karma (selfless work in service of God)

~Bansi Pandit

Never Give Up

Never Give Up

No matter what is going on
Never give up
Develop the heart
Too much energy in your country
is spent developing the mind
instead of the heart
Develop the heart
Be compassionate
Work for peace
in your heart and in the world
Work for peace
and I say again
Never give up
No matter what is happening
No matter what is going on around you
Never give up

...H.H. The XIV Dalai Lama

Yesterday during morning practice Sharath adjusted me in backbending...and moved my hands up toward my calfs...by some miracle I was able to hold it on my own and then stand up by
myself without assistance. For the first time Sharath said "very good" to me...that doesn't happen very often. But then...he said "tomorrow...reach for your thighs." I almost choked...Is he serious? So of course...it was in the back of my mind all day...how in the heck...is that gonna happen? Ya know...cause this is what I do...I question.
So...this morning...I was like maybe he'll forget...or better yet maybe he'll be at the other end of the room as I quickly go through the backbending sequence on my own. Ohhhh...but no...like a Jedi knight he was right there in front of me when I stood up out of my backbend...ready...and willing to take me to the next step...I was so nervous that he had to tell me to relax...and wow...what a learning experience about letting go. Because part of me still wanted to hold on to only what's known...and not delve in the unknown...and we doubt...and we pull back...and have a challenging time trusting. At least that has been my experience...like one wise person told me once months ago..."Laruga...your like a caged gazelle that no longer needs to be...its time for you bust out." I think I'm ready...Peace.