Just a Glimpse...

"The truth is that there is nothing noble in being superior to somebody else. The only real nobility is in being superior to your former self." ~Whitney Young

I don't know much...but what I do know are the tiny states of grace that I experience when practicing...when connecting...keep bringing me back...back to something more...an experience that can only be felt...but never really talked about...its something that can never be quite put into words...for there are no words that fully express what these tiny glimpses of grace are...and this pull is like a force that surrounds us all...its magic...and it bestows everyone...sometimes we resist...sometimes we let it shower us...but its always a choice...do we open...or do we close...
I'm not sure if I really new what it meant to feel peace before...a moment of true inner peace...until coming here...I know you can find it anywhere...but something has connected for me in India. When taking the temple tour trip out of Mysore...I found myself just smiling...for no apparent reason...as I soaked in the rural landscape, while riding in a speeding car...and its moments like these...the simple moments...that make life so pleasurable. Just to observe...to look and listen...as my mind becomes calm and quiet. Being in the space of this moment...no more...no less...what else could I ask for...what else could I want?

I hate goodbyes...Hey Em...Thank you for your love and support. Its not the end...but the beginning... Peace.

Happy Birthday Guruji

Beloved Guruji...Thank you for your over 60 years of dedicated service. Happy Birthday to you. What a celebration...to be showered with so much love...witnessing it...is something I will treasure forever...nothing has been more inspiring. It was such a full circle moment for me...to finally after all these years...look into your eyes...and thank the very man...who through purpose and passion...changed my life forever. With love. Peace.

Temple Tour

Took a temple tour with a couple friends today...it was amazing and exhausting. India is incredible...Got in late...so I will have to report on the trip later...Peace.

My Favorite Quote:

"When you are inspired by some great purpose, some extraordinary project, all your thoughts break their bounds: Your mind transcends limitations, your consciousness expands in every direction and you find yourself in a new, great and wonderful world. Dormant forces, faculties and talents become alive, and you discover yourself to be a greater person by far than you ever dreamed yourself to be."

~Patanjali

This Day

Look to This Day for it is Life, the very Life of Life. In Its brief course lie all the Verities and Realities of your existence; The Bliss of Growth; The Glory of Action; The Splendor of Beauty; For Yesterday is but a Dream, And Tomorrow is only a Vision: But Today well lived makes every Yesterday a Dream of Happiness, and Every Tomorrow a Vision of Hope. Look well, therefore, to This Day!!
-From The Sanskrit

So...the day isn't even over and its been a great day. Lately, I have been singing Sharath's praises as a teacher and as a guide...and I truly feel such a sense of gratitude and love for him. But, I have also come to the realization that my teachers are everywhere...one no better than the other...and especially here in Mysore...I have had many thus far.
Yesterday I had tea with a friend and he told me that I am too in control of my emotions...hmmmmm...okay...I told him...you may be on to something. I have heard that from several people here that I am a hard one to read. But...I am not sure if that is necessarily a bad thing...but...whatever...I can be guarded...but then its helped me not to get sucked in to other people's negativity and angst as well...I mean...geesh...I look at my passed and I can see why I am the way I am...but it isn't really needed anymore...it served me for some time...but that layer just has to go. I don't know if I'm making any sense...I'm just processing...
But...getting back to my teachers...who have become my friends...my mentors...Thank you. And...today I was given such a special gift...and I want to sing praises to the big wave surfer and his wife...wow...your truly special...and you just get me excited about living this life. Not very many people have had that type of affect on me...to embrace each day and revel in it. I may not be quite there yet...but I know where I'm going...Thank you again. Peace.

Don't Fear...

Practice this morning...whoa...how funny...I feel like its beginning to be a bit of a marathon session. Sharath...when adjusting me in backbending told me "don't fear"...Yeah...he's on to something...he's on to me...how in the heck does he now...Because I'll admit there has been a little bit of worry that has popped up...I'm only human...right? Here I am again...surrender...surrender...surrender...my new mantra...
So...yeah...there is some big shifting going on...not only in my body...but in my mind...and the power that resides there...we can manifest great things. My spine has been more sore than its ever been in my life...and its not a bad painful sore...its the type of sore where things are moving...expanding. Heck! Maybe I'll grow an inch or two? Wouldn't that be nice...Peace.

Hmmmm...

Being here in Mysore...experiencing this practice just about every morning...has been something. Sharath added 3 more postures this morning...and stuff has been moving pretty deep for me...not in a sense that I am becoming more bendy...because I could care less about being more flexible. Its so funny how we can get stuck on the accomplishment or performance of a pose...thinking is this right or that...how's my alignment?...who cares. How about the fact that I got rid of some bullshit in my mind that was holding me back. How about the fact that I faced some fears with in myself and feel a sense of freedom that comes with that. That...is the exciting part. This practice is the tool...not something to be conquered or achieved...and believe me...I'm not knocking this tool...because its been about the best thing I have ever tried to reach deep into those places. I love how Sharath...gives us so much space to discover and grow within the practice...but also...he's always watching intently...soaking everything that's put out energetically...carefully guiding you through...which brings a bit of comfort in this challenging sequence we go through every single morning. Its nice...so very nice.
To be on this journey...peeling back layers upon layers that have covered up the good stuff of many years of fears and insecurities...it feels good to discover truly who I am without any false judgment. And, just tapping into the flow of life...even as I write...I feel as if I am being guided somehow...and it is a comforting thought...to know...to truly know...that I am never alone. This is something I have struggled with for a long time now...So as my body physically becomes stronger and more centered...I feel it more on the inside...a deep sense of strength and center...and with that comes trust. How beautiful is it to trust? Especially to trust me and my own inner voice...Peace.

A Precious Human Life
"Every day, Think as you wake up,
Today I am fortunate to have woken up.
I am alive, I have a precious human life,
I am not going to waste it,
I am going to use
all my energies to develop myself.
To expand my heart out to others,
to achieve enlightenment for
the benefit of all beings.
I am going to have kind
thoughts towards others,
I am not going to get angry,
or think badly about others
I am going to benefit others
as much as I can"

...His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama

Drop the Mind

Drop the mind that thinks in prose;
revive another kind of mind that thinks in poetry.
Put aside all your expertise in syllogism;
let songs be your way of life.
Move from intellect to intuition,
from the head to the heart,
because the heart is closer to the mysteries.

~Osho

I think about all the times that my head talked me out of something...That part that lives in the past...the pains and filters of former experiences that take us out of the present moment...I realize that I haven't fully grasped what this means for me and my life...but I do know that there is a way of living for me from this point forward that will be forever changed...no turning back...Also, the fact that I don't have everything planned out...and not knowing what's coming next gives me the space to be open to the possibilities to feel something instead of relying on what the externals expect from me...The more I have connected to this universe inside it has allowed me to truly connect with others on a deeper level...by passing superficiality...and beyond that I have experienced such a deep sense of gratitude for all the blessings that have come into my life no matter how big or how small...its all good...even the "bad"...whatever that is. So...on my day off from practice I'm gonna sit with this for a while. Peace.

Silence

To know means to be silent, utterly silent,
so you can hear the still, small voice within.
To know means to drop the mind.
When you are absolutely still,
unmoving, nothing wavers in you,
the doors open.
You are part of this mysterious existence.
You know it by becoming part of it,
by becoming a participant in it.
That is knowing.

~Osho

Head, Heart, and Being

"When the body functions spontaneously, that is called instinct. When the soul functions spontaneously, that is called intuition. They are alike and yet far away from each other. Instinct is of the body--the gross; and intuition is of the soul--the subtle. And between the two is the mind, the expert, which never functions spontaneously. Mind means knowledge. Knowledge can never be spontaneous. Instinct is deeper than intellect and intuition is higher than intellect. Both are beyond the intellect, and both are good."
~Osho


This week I've had some interesting experiences...ever since deepening my backbend... After practice I have my normal routine...chat a bit...drink some chai & coconut water...go home shower...get ready for my day. But, I've been having some tremors...like my hands start to shake a bit. So...I asked someone about it...who I trust...and he seemed to think that my nervous system is being stimulated...Huh?...I'll say...I'm just worried I'm about to rocket to the moon or something...Well...I guess that wouldn't be so bad...

Went into town today with a friend and picked up a book about intuition...by Osho...Ever since coming here I've had some interesting moments of clarity...its almost scary...like how to handle it...I'm starting this interesting path of learning how to trust it...and go with it...we'll see what happens. Peace.

Never Give Up

Never Give Up

No matter what is going on
Never give up
Develop the heart
Too much energy in your country
is spent developing the mind
instead of the heart
Develop the heart
Be compassionate
Work for peace
in your heart and in the world
Work for peace
and I say again
Never give up
No matter what is happening
No matter what is going on around you
Never give up

...H.H. The XIV Dalai Lama

Yesterday during morning practice Sharath adjusted me in backbending...and moved my hands up toward my calfs...by some miracle I was able to hold it on my own and then stand up by
myself without assistance. For the first time Sharath said "very good" to me...that doesn't happen very often. But then...he said "tomorrow...reach for your thighs." I almost choked...Is he serious? So of course...it was in the back of my mind all day...how in the heck...is that gonna happen? Ya know...cause this is what I do...I question.
So...this morning...I was like maybe he'll forget...or better yet maybe he'll be at the other end of the room as I quickly go through the backbending sequence on my own. Ohhhh...but no...like a Jedi knight he was right there in front of me when I stood up out of my backbend...ready...and willing to take me to the next step...I was so nervous that he had to tell me to relax...and wow...what a learning experience about letting go. Because part of me still wanted to hold on to only what's known...and not delve in the unknown...and we doubt...and we pull back...and have a challenging time trusting. At least that has been my experience...like one wise person told me once months ago..."Laruga...your like a caged gazelle that no longer needs to be...its time for you bust out." I think I'm ready...Peace.

A Wealth of Experience

I have come to know that what we feel for others and how we show our love is priceless in comparison to the things we collect materially. I guess I have always known this truth...but never really had it fill me the way it has since coming here to India. This place...does something to you...and I may not fully come to understand...until I leave this mysterious land. And...I don't mean mysterious in an unattainable way...but how...with the yoga practice...and the pace of life here...you become more in tune with you...the essence...of what is important. What I have experienced...the kindness I have witnessed...the connections I have made...have left me feeling like the richest person in the world...like a fullness of light and love that I feel could just explode inside of me into a million pieces. How incredible is that...how absolutely amazing is that...for my heart to feel so full...for its moved me and taken me to places that I have only dreamed of...and hadn't known existed. I'm in awe...I'm in love with the possibilities that are to come...and it will only get better...hopefully I will become wiser...and deepen the trust inside that I know is true. There is magic everywhere...if we only learn to embrace what we know feels good...what feels expansive and light...and remember...just remember...who we are at the most simple and essential part of ourselves...nothing is better...and then we come to learn there is no need to separate ourselves from each other because we all come from the same place...we all have the same stuff...what a powerful realization...what a beautiful thought. Again, I can't say it enough...thank you...to all of you who have inspired this knowing inside of me...without you...and your wisdom and love...I wouldn't be even close to half the person I am now...and to the 'Ohio boy'...I'm really gonna miss you. Peace.

The End

"...Every human heartbeat, he'd said many times, is a universe of possibilities. And it seemed to me that I finally understood exactly what he'd meant. He'd been trying to tell me that every human will has the power to transform its fate. I'd always thought that fate was something unchangeable: fixed for every one of us at birth, and as constant as the circuit of the stars. But I suddenly realized that life is stranger and more beautiful than that. The truth is that, no matter what kind of game you find yourself in, no matter how good or bad the luck, you can change your life completely with a single thought or a single act of love..."

"...For this is what we do. Put one foot forward and then the other. Lift our eyes to the snarl and smile of the world once more. Think. Act. Feel. Add our little consequence to the tides of good and evil that flood and drain the world. Drag our shadowed crosses into the hope of another night. Push our brave heart into the promise of a new day. With love: the passionate search for a truth other than our own. With longing: the pure, ineffable yearning to be saved. For so long as fate keeps waiting, we live on. God help us. God forgive us. We live on..."

(excerpted from Shantaram, by Gregory David Roberts)

~Finally...I have been able to sit still enough to finish Shantarm...what a fascinating story. Peace.

More Lessons

Peace

We cannot achieve world peace
without first achieving peace
Within ourselves...........Inner Peace.
In an atmosphere of
Hatred, Anger, Competition and Violence.
no Lasting Peace
Can be achieved.
These Negative and Destructive Forces
must be overcome by
Compassion, Love and Altruism,
which are the essential teachings of
The Buddha

Tenzin Gyatso
H.H. the XIVth Dalai Lama

What an interesting week...filled with more lessons then I would have liked to have. I say that with lightness...because its all good...just challenging. When your faced with a tough lesson or theme that keeps popping up in life it can be so easy to blame someone...or something else...because it makes us uncomfortable...but really it all starts inside. The comfort we feel within ourselves. To grasp every situation or scenario and to be fully present in it...connecting to a deeper part within...feeling whatever bubbles up. One can choose to be a better person for it...or choose to ignore it...but the one thing I have come to know is...why cut off the stream...and why should I swim upstream when I can float down stream and enjoy the ride. Why should I struggle when essentially all is provided...if I just open my eyes...and my heart to what's right in front of me. Like I have said before...my head is always wrong...but my heart always knows. Peace.

Only Truth Can Liberate You

Only Truth Can Liberate You

I cannot liberate you, nobody can liberate you.
Only truth can liberate you.
And the truth has to be seen by you.

I may be seeing it.
I may be telling it to you.
In a thousand and one ways
I may be showering it upon you,
but that is useless if you are not open,
If your pot is upside down,
If you are not listening.

(Excerpted from Come Follow To You ~ Osho)

~So...I have one question...Can lightening strike twice in the same place? Just wondering... Peace.

Embrace

"The cloak of the past is cut from patches of feeling, and sewn with rebus threads. Most of the time, the best we can do is wrap it around ourselves for comfort or drag it behind us as we struggle to go on. But everything has its cause and its meaning. Every life, every love, every action and feeling and thought has its reason and significance: its beginning, and the part it plays in th end. Sometimes, we do see. Sometimes, we see the past so clearly, and read the legend of its parts with such acuity, that every stitch of time reveals its purpose, and a kind of messages enfolded in it. Nothing in any life, no matter how well or poorly lived, is wiser than failure or clearer than sorrow. And in the tiny, precious wisdom that they give us, even those dread and hated enemies suffering and failure, have their reason and their right to be."
(excerpt from Shantaram ~ by Gregory David Roberts)

In India...life is simple...in India...its all about being mellow...just what I needed prior to coming here. India...has definitely gotten under my skin...and it will always be a part of my soul. Coming here is one of the best decisions I have ever made for myself. Already, I have had the chance to let go of so much stuff...But, even after talking to various interesting people I have met here...I have come to notice how much more I can still let go of...and its a beautiful thing to be aware of. The stripping down process...to allow a deeper part of myself to come through...isn't always easy...but with time, and focus...anything is possible. I truly know this to be true. Again, I am so thankful for the lessons I have learned...and I have been blessed to be in the presence of so many inspiring...beautiful people. Peace.

I have really gotten used to life in Mysore...this being my third month here...and I must say my practice has come together unexpectedly...3rd month flying...and there is no better feeling than that...well...I could maybe think of a few things that would rank pretty high up on the list...but I'm sure you get my drift. This morning Sharath added two more postures...so my practice is becoming progressively longer. I really feel he has taken me on more as a student...as I have taken him on as a teacher...and I'm finally getting it. At first, I felt mystified and a bit intimidated by Sharath...but now I have come to know a softness to him...and a sweetness too, and its absolutely lovely...I must say. This practice is already challenging enough as it is...and his demeanor is a welcome balance to the whole process. I just feel very thankful to have had the chance to be guided by him...its been wonderful here. So, I am considering staying on through August...might as well...everything has been going well...and I would like to continue my practice at the shala...for just one more month. Especially since Sharath will be taking a long break from September thru January. I am not sure 100%...but I am leaning in that direction. We'll see. Peace.

When the student is ready...the teacher appears...

Yeah...I've been on hiatus with the blog...but, I just needed time to be. After getting ill...and being up and around on my feet...it took about a week to feel normal again...like 100%. I was still getting bouts of dizziness...and low appetite...but all that has passed now and things look bright. Even, some of this monsoon stuff has slacked off a bit...which I am extremely happy about. The weather today was absolutely beautiful.
As for practice...I don't know how to explain it...but it has gone up to a whole other level after being ill. It was like I was cleansed of something...like it needed to happen to me for some reason or other. Also, I feel like Sharath is becoming my teacher...like he's my teacher now! Its so exciting. I wasn't sure if I would come to this conclusion ever...but he is...my teacher. Its becoming more evident that there doesn't need to be much commentary in a student/teacher relationship. Sharath was adjusting me in back-bending and all he said was one word...and it made all the difference. One simple word...at the right time...at the right moment...he didn't need to go through the whole anatomy of the posture and break it down bit by bit. Just do it...just breath...just be...its all so simple. Its so funny how through our minds we can even make yoga complicated...and it doesn't have to be. It goes beyond the mind. It resides in a space where no thinking is involved...its a deeper sense...a deeper sense of wisdom that bubbles up from inside...and you can never get it from outside yourself...never. There are unlimited riches within...unlimited! Peace.