Emissary of Light

"Fear is the only thing that is standing between you and your experience of love," he said to me one day as we sat beside the river. "It seems you are afraid of so many things, perhaps everything. The ego searches for and finds everything it can to latch on to and make fearful. But the fear was there already. It was already within you. It seems we are afraid of this thing or that, but in reality we are only afraid of one thing--love itself. And because we are in truth the very essence of love, we are afraid of ourselves. We therefore create a false-self, one that is vulnerable and easily attacked. This keeps us from seeing the source of fear, our own mind, and lets us point to an endless number of things that seem to be out of our control in order to justify our fear.
"And what makes you think you don't deserve love? What ever happened that makes you hide from who you really are? Does it really even matter? There comes a point when nothing means anything and you fall flat on the ground and ask for help. You're tired of hiding. You've been defending yourself for so long that you can't hold your arms up anymore. You surrender. You just can't play the game anymore.
"And that's when it happens. Suddenly you open your eyes and see something incredible. Your own holiness and innocence are held out to you, shining in perfection..."

(excerpt from Emissary of Light, by James F. Twyman)




Its when I read things like this...and there have been moments where I have felt it...where I know in my heart everything will be...just as it should...and I'll be ok. As the walls start to crumble, that I have built...brick by brick...I must not judge it...however, there comes a time when the demolition must begin. And just when I think one wall is ready to come down...wow...I find there are others...Damn...this is hard work. Like my dear friend told me...sometimes we have to do things not because we want to, but because we have to...