A Fearless Heart

"Brazilians flirt on the buses. Africans share rides in vans. Europeans comingle on subways and trains. Cars, though, separate us from the masses. Instead of interacting, we listen to talk show hosts lecture about interacting. Around the world, we're becoming that man who knows ways to make love to a woman, yet doesn't know any women."

(Franz Wisner, How the World Makes Love)

Today, a good friend of mine shared a story with me regarding her last days in India. Even though we've seen each other practically everyday since I've been back in the U.S., she opened up regarding something that deeply moved her those remaining days. What she said pierced my heart like an arrow, going right for the center, shattering everything with it. A shattering that broke my heart open, and has haunted me ever since I heard the tale.

Even though it isn't my story to tell, what strikes me to the core is how life and love is all there is. We are only given a number of days, every day is precious, and no day is ever certain. We get caught up in our little wants and desires - a continuous feeding of our little self - and, forget the one thing we take to the other side, and that is Love. That is real. That is all there is. The love we have held and nurtured in this life is all we have.

I think to myself, what could be more important than the love that is given? What could be more important than that? We fear not getting what we 'want' in return. When in reality, isn't it better to love even if we loose?

I'm seeing that it doesn't matter if I give every single piece of my heart away to be left with nothing, for when coming from a place of Truth what I am can never be diminished by what I am made of, and that is Love.

Is standing in a place of righteousness better than simply loving? I highly doubt it.

Every piece given away beats in the heart of another and lives on. Forever. In the act of blessing another we are ultimately blessed. Love. An act we do, not only say. We love because it is who we are, not because we want or expect anything, and freedom and expansion explode from this place, shattering us into nothingness, and in the nothingness, we are everything.

We never know who will touch our lives. We never know what impact it could make, but to deny we are all connected is a denial of our self. We turn to every possible external to search for meaning and completeness, and yet we forget what is undeniable and gives meaning to everything. It is just that simple.

When reflecting, I think of all the times I've given my heart away on a whim, never thinking twice about what I could loose, and I have no regrets. The only regret I have is when I didn't love out of fear. Instead, I chose to be small instead of trusting the bigness that is Love.

Love doesn't always look how we think. There is union in love, there is letting go in love. However, what is held in the heart is True.

I'm forever thankful to have friends that bring it all back to me in perfect light. What is felt in another, I feel too, and share the heartache, because those who soar to the highest reaches of love, also feel the depths of pain when faith is shaken and then revived.

As I learn, I find it's in the softening...it's in the melting of ourselves that we find strength, and connectedness. That is where the potency of life is.

Yielding, giving, loving...

"All that is necessary to awaken to yourself as the radiant emptiness of spirit is to stop seeking something more or better or different, and turn your attention inward to the awake silence that you are."

(Adyashanti)

Ashtanga Yoga Medley

Fun stuff!

Lightening Up

"Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light."

(Helen Keller)

Things aren't always easy, but they don't have to be hard either. After a weekend of lightening up, what usually happens is a period of integration and a bubbling of blocks that have been hiding in the darkness. They come to the surface.

Often, I have a bring it on attitude, but I'm finding it may be better to take small steps toward, lightening up, versus getting totally side-swiped and then wanting to crawl into a hole, never to come out again. Little bites are always best.

Practicing self-awareness can be startling. I mean, there's a shit load of stuff there - little things, some big things, that serve no purpose - much of it being thoughts I hold inside that ultimately hold me back.

Releasing isn't always easy because we become accustom to lower vibrations of thought and being. Stepping out of these patterns are necessary, but I find myself being a bit timid, and for some odd reason still holding on to old stuff. It's like I want to, but I can't at the same time. Trusting that letting go will ultimately lead to experiencing more freedom is what keeps me motivated in the end.

Growing, developing, changing and discovering are practices that keep things fresh. As I get older, I find that I'm better equipped at letting go and stepping into the new and uncharted - and isn't that a relief - I don't want to live my life looking back and thinking - 'I want things the way they used to be' - what a way to get stuck. Hopefully, life will continue to get better and better because I've chosen to continue to work inward, seeing things from a vantage point of Truth and clarity.

Reiki II

Within Us

"Within us is the soul of the whole; the wise silence,
The universal beauty, to which every part and particle
Is equally related; the eternal One.
When it breaks through our intellect, it is Genius;
When it breathes through our will, it is Virtue;
When it flows through our affections, it is Love."

(Ralph Waldo Emerson)

What a weekend. Subtle, yet profound in many ways. Learning, experiencing about energy is a whole new and expansive world to discover.

As I said briefly before, this past weekend was my Reiki II attunement. Not only was I attuned to practice on people but on animals as well. Animals? You may ask. Yes, I was a bit of a skeptic beforehand, but still, open minded about what it was about. Basically, I had never heard of it, and was willing to learn something new.

Let me just say, working with animals is amazing. Because of their limited cognitive function they are simply open to receive. However, animals, especially our own, have a tendency to take on our stuff, so to speak, so reiki can be essential in assisting healing not only in them, but for the household they reside in. Very interesting.

Beyond that, during our two day session, I was able to release stuck energy. A shifting of sorts, but also an emerging, a stepping into who I really am more fully. It's interesting how the unseen parts of ourselves have the greatest impact on our lives. We don't see it, but it's felt, and that's what's real.

I have to hand much of it to my yoga practice. The practice is often a catalyst to opening to deeper realities, whatever that may be for someone. As we peel back the layers, we find that all we ever desired was right there, we just didn't see it. Kinda like an unpolished diamond.

During the weekend, I was immersed into practices that help to strengthen intuition, and this is something I'm focused on continuing throughout my daily life. Only the True voice inside can lead me in the proper direction. Where the practices come in, is gaining the ability to listen and become present to the guidance. Open. Open to receive. That's how I'm understanding the importance of clearing myself. Releasing patterns and ways that are blocking me. Entering a state of clarity is about receptiveness to everything. Through innocent perception, I am able to see things as they truly are vs. through the filters of my own tainted past experiences that I've held onto into the present. Subtraction, subtraction...it's all about subtraction.

Being done with the weekend, I was pleasantly surprised at how my friend's two cats reacted toward me. It was such a trip. However, being able to extend what I've opened up to, was really the blessing.

Divine Alchemy

I'd like to share with you some of Lisbeth Johnson's work out of Yellow Springs, Ohio. She's a lovely human being, who truly has the gift of insight, along with a gentle, humble presence. If you are in the Columbus area, Yellow Springs is only an hour away, and is well worth the trip if you've never been. The village is part of an energy vortex, which is well known in and around the area. So, if you would like to get some work done, and enjoy the area as well, I would recommend it. There are places to hike and many eclectic shops to check out too.

Here is some of what Lisbeth does:

• Soul Healing/Awakening
• Reiki Master Teacher/Animals and People
• Certified Rolfer
• Certified Biodynamic Craniosacral Therapist
• Masters in Spiritual Psychology
• Intuitive Coaching

Beyond what is listed above, Lisbeth also holds a meditation group once a month. You can contact her via email at lisbethheals@yahoo.com, and/or visit her website at www.lisbethheals.com.

Less Effort

"Everything flows." (Heraclitus c.500 BCE)


The last 6 months it's been interesting, and strange, because I've been receiving intuitive flashes while practicing. Insights. No lightening strikes or harps playing in the background. More like a whisper in the ear. Very simple and straight forward. Clear and to the point. Like in Mysore, when I clearly heard "squeeze your ass," when doing karandavasna. Which, by golly, really worked for me! These whispers aren't necessarily reverent in nature either, lol.

This week, however, the theme has been all about less effort. Effortlessness. When feeling out of flow, I've realized, is when I need to pull back, continue with the breath and focus. No need to work at it. Showing up is enough, and everything seems to flow from this place. Practice. Practice.

Tuning in. Grace is constantly flowing to us everyday, all day, all the time. We only need to be receptive to it. Stepping out of the way - breath, bandhas, dristhi, vinyasa. Easy enough...no? We can take our difficult postures into life. What to do? Breathe, be present. Oh no, this person rubs me the wrong way. What to do? Breathe, be present, observe truthfully.

Fascinating how it all works, as I continue to discover and feel what it's like to tune in. I've been experimenting with my strength a bit, accessing jump-throughs and jump-backs differently. Approaching postures with curiosity has a way of keeping things light. There will always be times of challenge, but doing so puts everything in proper perspective.

Balancing ease and effort is a delicate practice that requires presence most of all. The juice is in the subtitles. The mind stuff has a way of weighing us down. Once free of aimless thought, a sense of limitless abundance is all around to experience.

Now, if only those intuitive impulses could give me some winning lottery numbers....hahahaha. I'm shameless.

Attunement and Other Things

Love says "I am everything".
Wisdom says "I am nothing".
Between the two, my life flows.

— Nisargadatta Maharaj

Practice this morning was one of those swimming up stream practices. Got to bed later than normal, up later than normal, and there you have it...yuck, all the way around. Some things just aren't worth it. I've come to terms that I do best going to bed early and rising early. Yup. Sounds bor-ring, but that's my life, and it feels better than the alternative.

My Swedish studies have been going well. In the beginning, I was a bit overly ambitious and literally felt like I fried my brain. Now, I'm taking smaller bites everyday and it's been unbelievable how much is soaking in. Although, I'm far from fluent. My vocabulary has grown, but the challenge is always the grammar. Ugh, I don't even like grammar in English (obviously), lol.

I got some good things coming up. I've decided to receive my Reiki level II attunement, which will be this weekend. I feel blessed to be doing this with someone I highly admire and have done work with in the past. I'll be posting what services she offers beyond Reiki. She's quite literally an angel that walks this earth, and in my eyes has always been consistent in her message and actions. She has helped me tremendously through her work, but also as an example, which really drives things home for me. Should be an interesting experience. I'll not only be learning to deepen my Reiki practice on people, but she will be teaching me how to give Reiki to animals as well, which I've heard is a huge gift.

Stepping into the Void

"I don't want to live. I want to love first, and live incidentally."
(Zelda Fitzgerald)

Stepping into the void. Sounds like an awful thing, doesn't it? I mean, it isn't always a comforting place. However, I've learned voids can be places of freedom. Admitting that I don't know anything, and can't really claim to, opens many doors of experience. Leading with curiosity is always much more fun than being the expert.

Being an avid reader, the one thing I can say about simplifying my life that hasn't worked, is when it comes to books. I seem to acquire a stack of books wherever I go. I have my favorite genres, but also an insatiable appetite, and curiosity regarding many forms of thought, and experiences on life and love. I mean, what else is there? Lol.

Explains my tendency toward wanderlust. Traveling to far off places forces one to step into unknowing. A void of sorts. In the void, I discover something inside that I hadn't realized was there. Yes there might be a bit of fear present, but often when walking through it, divine shifts happen to get you by. And, what a thrill that is. We walk, things happen by inspired design, and all that needs to be done is to take that first uncertain step.

In the void things are created. Inspiration comes. Life begins. It's open. It's fair game. Anything is possible, and is. You can either choose to be scared by it, or embrace whatever comes with it. Really what have we got to loose? I mean really, when we start subtracting from our life, we finally get to the meat anyway. There's a world of gain in the void. It's PURE POTENTIAL.

Not knowing is a good thing. And as I type this, I can't believe I am. Several years ago I didn't even have a clue to this concept. When saying over and over and over again to someone..."that I didn't know, I don't know...I just don't KNOW!!!"

I was told calmly..."that's okay. That's actually a good thing."

I meekly replied..."it is?" I was dumbfounded.

The only thing you can learn about being in control is that you aren't. Another concept that has burned me on one too many of occasions. But, it's all good. I find relief in letting go, instead of hanging on to beliefs, concepts and labels. I know I must still harbor some, but the more I let go, I start to feel lighter, more in tune and self contained in a way that sustains from the inside out.

As I move forward, there will still be unknowns to contend with. Yes, there's a rough sketch for things to come that are in the works, which is beautiful and great, however the exciting part is also in the unfolding and emerging that I still haven't got a clue about, and that's nice.

Blank Out

"We search for the Divine everywhere except within us. There is no difference between the Guru, the Self and the Divine. Antar mukhi sada sukhi: 'He who perceives the Divinity within is always happy.' " (Shri Shri)

So, I had a bit of tweak-age in my right shoulder yesterday from practice. Damn, Karandavasana, lol. Good lesson though. I've learned the hard way. My tendency to blank out, especially in inverted poses, happens from time to time. Reminds me of when I blanked out, and blindsided my boyfriend, to his surprise and dismay. Funny now, not very funny then. I thought I about killed him.

This morning, with my shoulder being a bit sore, I consciously moved slower than normal, breathing through discomfort. Thankfully, there were no sharp pains, and I was able to endure with no added struggle.

Everything about today's practice was a pleasure. Moving slowly gave richness and depth that left me feeling fully complete, even with a slight shoulder issue. It was almost as if I got to taste each posture, as it assimilated, before moving on to the next. There was no opportunity to obsess or try to perfect, because I was not wanting to push. I felt comforted, and learned a little something about being present with whatever we are given on any given day. I guess you can say, I experienced a sense of peace wash over me, without any type of will. It was there...waiting.

From this place true healing can begin.

Acceptance, seems to bring us into the present. Good, bad or indifferent we make peace with what is available here and now. Willingness, is like the courage we take, moving forward with faith...trusting.

From what I've experienced, these are simple states of being or shifts in perception. No doing. All that's needed, is to look, in a new light, trusting all is as it should be - then, Grace becomes the bridge to walk over troubled waters - always available, we only need to be open to receive it.

I find these states of perception are the keys that open the door to what's rightfully ours. Rightfully who we are - nothing needing to be done - only being what we truly are.

True, whatever Grace chooses to descend upon us may not look how our ego would like, or desire, but in the end, isn't it better to trust the wisdom and guidance of a force that sees all and knows all?

I'll bet all my chips here.

David Wolfe

David Wolfe. Always provocative.

A Revelation

"It's not the length of life, but the depth of life."
(Ralph Waldo Emerson)

Going deep isn't always comfortable. Well, it isn't always comfortable for the ego. Where, in turn, our expansive self relishes anything that takes us beyond limitations, labels, and identifications.

In the past several years I've had the opportunity to live in both realities - the reality of fear and the reality of trust. Still dancing between both on occasion, at least I finally know how to look at myself, and my silly little mind, from a wider vantage point.

Now it comes to the point where of I've done a shit load of reading, practicing yoga, and self work that it's about damn time to consciously and diligently put acquired knowledge into practice everyday, in every way. With true experience comes wisdom. We all know that. I'm not talking about becoming rigid - I'm talking about becoming conscious and awake, in every moment, of weather I'm feeding my expansive self or restricted self.

I've learned many lessons, and I'm sure there will be more to come, however one thing that's become evidently clear, is I must be willing to give away exactly what it is, I seek.

What a revelation.

Flow

Since Being Back

"Let us be silent, that we may hear the whisper of the Gods." (Emerson)

Since being back, life has taken on a slow, easy quality. I find that I get bored quickly by artificial stimuli that seems to be everywhere. Living with no television, no cellphone, reading and walking alot, and of course, practicing everyday, I haven't experienced one moment of boredom in the simplicity. In addition, I'm doing some low-key teaching. Meaning, I'm not going out and soliciting people, just touching base with those who are inspired to learn in the tradition of KPJ.

The flow experienced from my travels have followed me here, and I feel blessed to be staying with a good friend who spent 5 months in India this past year. She was in Goa practicing under, Certified teacher, Rolf Noujokat, while I was in Mysore - and we have taken the vibe of India into our lives. Which makes the transition comforting.

We shop together at the neighborhood co-op to purchase local organic produce, and cook up healthy, vegetarian, ayurvedic meals. To eat like this feels like I'm not only feeding my body, but my soul. Never being much of a cooker, I thank God my friend is a master at it, and is teaching me everything she knows. So thankful.

It's finally clicked how disconnected I've been to food much of my adult life - even though I've always been interested in nutrition and health for various reasons. However, the importance had been focused on what results I could attain by eating a certain way, superficially, versus connecting to the food itself. Always wanting to do what was easiest and less of a hassle, while I absently ate, was the routine - never really taking time to enjoy. The practice of connecting to one's food is something I'm rediscovering in a whole new way, and it feels good. So very good.

True, the peace and experience felt during the past year, have come with me. Of course, it doesn't necessarily take traveling long distances to make conscious change. However, I feel following one's higher calling, can do that, by bringing us closer to who we are - whatever that may be.

Obviously, coming back has brought me in touch with many things...almost a full circle feeling, as I begin another. Yep. There is continuous growth to behold, but that's what makes life exciting. The exciting part being getting to a point where I listen, and truly trust what is there. Doesn't get more thrilling than that. I don't need more stuff. I don't need to busy myself with little things that don't fit into the bigger picture. I just need to be - and then...only then, is when I truly begin to live.

Such Strength

Wow. This looks like fun.

Continuous Jump Through

This is my morning warm-up. Hahaha. Just kidding.

Urandiance

I came across a blog recently that had post after post of inspired, inspiration. The author connects all forms of faith, religions, and masters bringing it all down to simple, unified Truth, beautifully. Check out Uradiance if you get the chance, I know I will regularly.

Below is a post I sincerely, connected with.

DON'T IMPROVE!

"Take no thought for tomorrow... " ( Jesus)

"Give up worrying about the past. Give up dreaming of the future. The past no longer exists. The future has not been born. But deeply observe the present moment, just as it is, and you shall attain the peace and unity of the ancient masters." (Buddha, Bheda Karata Sutta)

Please don't try to improve the world. I don't need you to improve me. How do you feel when you meet someone who wants to improve you? Is it not an assault, a subtle form of violence against you?

"But there is injustice in the world, and I want to improve it!" Is your attempt to improve the world not another form, a subtler form, of injustice?

Injustice is an unwarrented gap in power between two lives. But injustice begins within ourselves. It begins when we divide one part of our personality against another, and make one part of ourself more powerful in order to suppress another. My mind, full of ideals about how I want to be in the future, begins to manipulate my behavior. My thoughts try to change the present state of mind into a better state, a higher state. I mold the present into the future. I cannot embrace the Now.

Self-improvement is a war on what is, an attack on Presence. It imposes a "should" on the world. Our "should" is a weapon of mass destruction: we use it on ourselves, then on others, then on the whole earth. All utopian plans to design a better world contain this "should." The Communist idealists had a vision: a golden age of human equality. They ruined half the world trying to impose their vision. The Neo-conservative idealists have a vision: a golden age of global democracy sustained by the free-market. They are destroying everything else. Idealism is a form a violence, hope is a form of violence, for the desire to change the world contains the unspoken desire to destroy it.

Does this mean that we must passively accept injustice? God forbid! It means that there is a better way, a non-violent way, to transform our world: a form of creative action which arises not from attacking what is, but from wholeness.

Creative action can begin from unconditional acceptance of the present moment. "In the beginning, God created..." This present moment is always the Beginning. When we see the beauty and grace in things as they are, right now, we can allow our action to arise as participation in the moment of creation.

What is, is. Otherwise, it could not be. Though our small intellects may not comprehend the purpose and design, things are as they must be now. Therefor, non-violent action responds to the world without insisting on improvement. Non-violence is a dialogue with what is, not a plan for what should be.

If I truly want good, I will not divide the world into better and worse. I will not engage in judgment or comparison. Good can only arise from good: good is never the outcome of a conflict with evil. That is why Jesus said, "Love your enemy... Do not resist the evil one."

The action that arises from Now is not "an improvement." It is a response. It is a wave of silence, a tremor of unity, a gesture of the whole through its parts. Never a war, but a dance.

"Improvement" arises from a divided mind, a worried mind, a mind split into present and future. Action based on worry will always produce more tension, more division.

So if I want a good world, I will begin by healing myself of worry. I will relax into the wholeness of the present moment with undivided attention. It is possible to worry about the past and the future, but it is impossible to worry about the present. The present moment does not have to be thought, and worry only exists in thought. People who do heroic deeds never feel like heros. They just act in the present moment.

The end of worry is Now. Now is courage. If you have the courage to be fully in this Now, you are improving the world.

- Posted by Uradiance

A Vase

I am always holding a priceless vase in my hands.
If you asked me about the deeper truths
of the path and I told you
the answers,

it would be like handling sacred relics to you.
But most have their hands tied
behind their
back;

that is, most are not free of events their eyes have seen

and their ears have heard

and their bodies have felt.

Most cannot focus their abilities
in the present, and
might drop what
I said.

So I'll wait; I don't mind waiting until
your love for all
makes luminous
the now.

- Rabia

Talk About Fast

"If the Earth can be illumined even today by stars which disintegrated long ago, it is not impossible that the hearts of its inhabitant may be illumined, sanctified, entranced and beautified by Grace which emanates from a spiritual being vitalized long ago in the chronology of time. Like a charged battery, that spiritual entity can reveal itself, wherever there is available a receiving set attuned to it."

- Yoga of the Bhagavad Gita

Yesterday, I received news, and the Swedish Embassy has scheduled an interview for me! Already! Talk about fast! They've only had my application for a week! So, looks like we got everything in order when it came to the application. A total relief.

Things are moving along, and that means getting serious about learning Swedish. Oh my. The thought of learning another language sounds like fun. Like I'll be more cultured or something...but, what I haven't taken into account is that it's gonna take some hard, diligent work too. Not so much fun. Haha. With a boyfriend who has already warned me there will be NO talking English when I get back, looks like it will be...game on. And, go figure, he has already warned his friends not to give into me either. Talk about tough! Could you imagine me sneaking off trying to get my English fix like an addict or something. Funny. But, I guess it's gotta be done. I wonder how long it will take to be fluent? Hmmmm. God only knows.

Once I get my mind wrapped around something there is no turning back. I commit. I commit with everything I've got. Call it stubbornness or sheer determination. Dunno. Kinda like when Ashtanga yoga found me. I dove in head first. So, I gotta use this attitude with the language thing. Letting go of shyness and the insecurity around sounding stupid, has got to be done. No doubt.

I love how Caroline Myss illustrates that humiliation. Yes. Humiliation is one of the biggest barriers to growth. Often we'll stop at nothing, from fulfilling our desires and dreams, from being unique or different, all because of the dreaded affects of humiliation. Interesting - and something I had never really thought about before, until I heard her mention it in an interview. Seems to hold true in many instances.

With all that being said, and the transient life I've grown accustomed to, looks like I'm jumping in again, full speed ahead...and for some odd reason, it seems like the most natural thing in the world.

Again and Again - It's about the Practice.

The most important part of any spiritual practice is doing it. That is why we should always just "do the practice" and not be overly concerned with or focused on what we think the results might be, or even on our own state of mind. The truth is, it can't be what we think! It just is! It is not up to us to create it - we are simply cleaning the mirror of our hearts so we can see the reflection of our own true face without distortion.

- excerpt from, Flow of Grace, by Krishna Das

Again, it's about the practice. Nothing else.

It's so easy to get side swept by controversy and uncertainty within the community. But, at the end of the day, what is most important? Is it the controversy of unforeseen events, or is it the daily visiting of the internal quest? This is what I ask myself, when I feel I'm being sucked into something that isn't in alignment with Truth.

The ego loves complication. The ego loves to assume things, and separate people into a million different subdivisions. With the core of what the word Yoga means - it being Union - often it seems to be the last thing many want to focus on. It really is that simple.

The phenomenon comes in where the physical components and the tool itself take precedence over the essence behind why we practice, which is where the Realness of the whole experience Is. This has been at the center of my contemplation lately.

Of course we are in these bodies and responsibility comes with that. However, it is the tool, and only that. One of the ways I explain to students who may obsess about certain postures - and believe me, I've been there myself, and in no way state I'm immuned to it - is the example of a flute or even a sail boat. Often these things are insignificant without wind in the sails of a boat, to help move it along. Or how can a flute make beautiful music, without conscious breath being blown into it? Without that, they're only dense objects with no life.

The happiness we can receive by mastery lasts longer than temporary joys. We should all become masters. That is true freedom and real victory. If you are free from your own mind and senses, nothing can bind you: then you are really free.

- Sri Swami Satchidananda

The daily experience of our practice can lead to a quest for ego satisfaction or a quest for connection - joining - letting go. The days when the movement becomes a struggle, I take my awareness to my breath, and observe that I had been absent to it for the duration of struggle. Or, maybe thoughts ventured off to where my ego felt I needed to be. Ah-ha. No wonder. How easy it is to forget, but also how easy it is to remember.

Yes, there has been some talk regarding the uncertainity of where the practice is heading, but I don't look to uncertainity as a bad thing. The boat needs to rock from time to time. However, adding drama or hearsay into the mix doesn't bring us any closer to Truth. Only the simple practice of connection does, and that starts from the inside out.