I slept and dreamt that life was joy
I awoke and saw that life was service
I acted and behold service was joy.
~Rabindranath Tagore
Practice today was simply nice...calm, and soothing...just what I needed as always. I can never express enough how thankful I am to have such an amazing tool to fall back on. It is really the one thing that has changed the course of my life more than anything...to commit to this daily discipline. I am filled with gratitude to all of my extraordinary teachers as well...I often think of the 'pioneers' who ventured off to India knocking on Sri K. Pattabhi Jois's door to teach them this fascinating method of yoga practice. Back then yoga was not nearly as popular as it is now in the west...and it really takes alot of guts to go against the grain and discover something new even though not popular. So, I am thankful to those who shared this passion. It makes me wonder...would I be comfortable going outside my comfort zone...even though it is deemed unpopular but spoke to my heart? I dunno. But, part of me has that pioneering spirit...and I'm always like...what's next??? What more can I learn and discover?
With it being the last day of the year I have the tendency to be reflective. So many changes have taken place. Never would I have thought some of the things that have happened to me would have in 2007. And...I have learned the importance of being present. The everyday is the training ground for more learning...more acceptance and compassion...
I don't really do resolutions. But, there are three things I would like to focus on in 2008. I want to learn Spanish. Wouldn't that be nice?
Also...I would like to establish a consistent meditation practice. I've been lucky to have kept up my yoga practice without falling off the wagon...staying consistent, and diligent with showing up for the past seven years I have been doing Ashtanga. However, my meditation practice has not been so consistent...I've had times of consistency to then let everything fall off...to pick it up again...to fall off...to pick it up. Yeah. But, I think I'm ready to make it a bigger part of my life and routine. I mean...what else could I be doing...watching T.V.??? Watching another crazy reality show?? Please!! I'm down with the real reality. So I will meditate.
And lastly, I would like to find ways to be more of service. It is something I am looking into...and its an important thing for me at this time. Giving back.
I hope everyone has a fun and safe New Years celebration...and a blessed 2008.
Showing Up
30.12.07
"The most powerful tool that is in the province of the will is devotion. Thus, it is not just spiritual truth but the degree of one's devotion to it that empowers it to become transformative."
~Transcending the Levels of Consciousness: The Stairway to Enlightenment,
by David R. Hawkins, M.D., Ph.D.
I had the pleasure of practicing with several friends today. Which is a nice change of pace from my usual self-practice with me, my mat, and four walls...However, my body at first did not experience the same pleasure. Its amazing how one day I can move and breathe with little resistance and the next day everything feels a bit tighter...the mind a bit more rigid. But, its days like this that we can really learn to surrender and simply show up. I have found that is the most important part of the practice. It isn't necessarily what posture I'm on or what series I have mastered. Its the daily commitment I make and the aspect of letting go to the process. As we let go...naturally everything comes in due time...many times faster than expected.
I've been in a space of willingness and openness.
I feel very lucky to have the friends and acquaintances that I have. I could never say I have a 'best' friend because each one of them offer something different...and bring a varying color to my life...I feel very blessed to have all these different perspectives. I learn so much from them, and continue to. Oh...how it has helped me.
The last several weeks I have been experiencing an intense vulnerability which has been another scary place to sit in. But, it has been good. I used to think I had to prove that I was so strong, but exposing the soft parts of ourselves and shedding the walls doesn't mean a lack of strength...not in the least. This is another thing I have had to learn the hard way.
I don't have any crazy plans for New Year's. I think I'm gonna bring in the New Year quietly.
I've had several people randomly tell me that I'm gonna have a good year coming up. Strange. But, I like it. They must see something that I don't see as of yet. I'll take it though...definitely.
~Transcending the Levels of Consciousness: The Stairway to Enlightenment,
by David R. Hawkins, M.D., Ph.D.
I had the pleasure of practicing with several friends today. Which is a nice change of pace from my usual self-practice with me, my mat, and four walls...However, my body at first did not experience the same pleasure. Its amazing how one day I can move and breathe with little resistance and the next day everything feels a bit tighter...the mind a bit more rigid. But, its days like this that we can really learn to surrender and simply show up. I have found that is the most important part of the practice. It isn't necessarily what posture I'm on or what series I have mastered. Its the daily commitment I make and the aspect of letting go to the process. As we let go...naturally everything comes in due time...many times faster than expected.
I've been in a space of willingness and openness.
I feel very lucky to have the friends and acquaintances that I have. I could never say I have a 'best' friend because each one of them offer something different...and bring a varying color to my life...I feel very blessed to have all these different perspectives. I learn so much from them, and continue to. Oh...how it has helped me.
The last several weeks I have been experiencing an intense vulnerability which has been another scary place to sit in. But, it has been good. I used to think I had to prove that I was so strong, but exposing the soft parts of ourselves and shedding the walls doesn't mean a lack of strength...not in the least. This is another thing I have had to learn the hard way.
I don't have any crazy plans for New Year's. I think I'm gonna bring in the New Year quietly.
I've had several people randomly tell me that I'm gonna have a good year coming up. Strange. But, I like it. They must see something that I don't see as of yet. I'll take it though...definitely.
Development
29.12.07
Development
Once I said to God, "How do you teach us?"
And He replied,
"If
you were
playing chess with someone who
had infinite power and infinite knowledge
and wanted to make you a
master of the
game,
where would all the chess
pieces be at every
moment?
Indeed, not only where he wanted them,
but where all were best for your
development;
and that is every situation
of one's
life."
~St. John of the Cross
Once I said to God, "How do you teach us?"
And He replied,
"If
you were
playing chess with someone who
had infinite power and infinite knowledge
and wanted to make you a
master of the
game,
where would all the chess
pieces be at every
moment?
Indeed, not only where he wanted them,
but where all were best for your
development;
and that is every situation
of one's
life."
~St. John of the Cross
Practiced today because I missed practice Sunday. Yeah...I like to get my 6 days in for the week...unless of course there is a moon day. It does my body good...it does my mind good.
Had a fairly intense practice...kept myself moving. I love the feeling when the body begins to tire and all that is left is taking the focus to movement of prana...and strong connection to the bandhas. I find when I get to this point that a magical alchemy begins and everything lines up perfectly and flows just so. That is how I know that this practice isn't just about the physical...other things happen...I love it...its sooooo cool. Just plug in and observe what develops. Sometimes I feel as if its not me doing the work...its almost like something else takes over as if in a trance...and all I have to do is enjoy the ride. How nice.
So...what does my heart say right now? Its says expand in every direction. Don't set limits. It says enjoy! Its says laugh and experience the joys of life. Its says to serve...and to love. I'm beginning to simplify...and realize what matters and what is most important.
There hasn't been much shifting and movement that has taken place on the external level for me. But, boy, all that has happened on the inside has been such a revelation. That is definitely where it all begins...it has to start there. Now, I can look out, and see everything with new eyes. Even though there is still much that is unknown...I'm finding that the unknown is becoming a more comfortable place for me.
Wow! This is huge...
Had a fairly intense practice...kept myself moving. I love the feeling when the body begins to tire and all that is left is taking the focus to movement of prana...and strong connection to the bandhas. I find when I get to this point that a magical alchemy begins and everything lines up perfectly and flows just so. That is how I know that this practice isn't just about the physical...other things happen...I love it...its sooooo cool. Just plug in and observe what develops. Sometimes I feel as if its not me doing the work...its almost like something else takes over as if in a trance...and all I have to do is enjoy the ride. How nice.
So...what does my heart say right now? Its says expand in every direction. Don't set limits. It says enjoy! Its says laugh and experience the joys of life. Its says to serve...and to love. I'm beginning to simplify...and realize what matters and what is most important.
There hasn't been much shifting and movement that has taken place on the external level for me. But, boy, all that has happened on the inside has been such a revelation. That is definitely where it all begins...it has to start there. Now, I can look out, and see everything with new eyes. Even though there is still much that is unknown...I'm finding that the unknown is becoming a more comfortable place for me.
Wow! This is huge...
Arrogance
Arrogance
The weight of arrogance is such
that no bird can fly
carrying it.
And the man who feels superior
to others, that man
cannot dance,
the real dance when the soul takes God
into its arms and you both fall
onto your knees in
gratitude,
a blessed gratitude
for life.
~St. John of the Cross
The weight of arrogance is such
that no bird can fly
carrying it.
And the man who feels superior
to others, that man
cannot dance,
the real dance when the soul takes God
into its arms and you both fall
onto your knees in
gratitude,
a blessed gratitude
for life.
~St. John of the Cross
Okay...so I keep going back to the subject of living through my head vs. my heart. However, when it comes down to the nitty gritty...I'm struggling a bit. I so bad want to follow my heart without any hesitation. But, there are a few things that seem to be holding me back. And...it figures this would come up at this point in my life. Should I stay or should I go? Should I stay or should I go? Should I stay or should I go? Ahhhhhh...okay!!! Enough!! I'm thinking way too much! And we all know where that leads...
Am I willing to take another risk? However, it doesn't quite feel like a risk...I have never...ever felt this way...
When it comes down to the simplest of things...What, I ask, is most important in life?
I remember a while back talking to one of my customers that I had established a fairly close bond with...yes...I was once a pharmaceutical sales rep...ugh...I'll leave the company nameless for the time being...anyway...we were talking one day and I was questioning so many things...and scaling things down to the most important simplest way I knew how at the time. And, I remember him telling me... "Laruga, be thankful you are coming to these conclusions at this point in your life...because you could be realizing these things at my age...
Why is it so hard for me to decide what I want. I mean, I know what I want but, am I afraid to be truly happy?
I talked to my brother today...he always has a way of keeping it real. He told me..."Laruga, it sounds like you already have your mind made up, but you just want someone to tell you what to do..." Ha! So true. Where's the trust? I need to trust myself...
Sooooo? What's the verdict?
I haven't got a clue...
Just kidding...
When I think, think, and think some more...things become much more complicated somehow.
When I feel what is in my heart...it all comes down to the simplest of things...
Love is where its at...I feel I'm ready...
Am I willing to take another risk? However, it doesn't quite feel like a risk...I have never...ever felt this way...
When it comes down to the simplest of things...What, I ask, is most important in life?
I remember a while back talking to one of my customers that I had established a fairly close bond with...yes...I was once a pharmaceutical sales rep...ugh...I'll leave the company nameless for the time being...anyway...we were talking one day and I was questioning so many things...and scaling things down to the most important simplest way I knew how at the time. And, I remember him telling me... "Laruga, be thankful you are coming to these conclusions at this point in your life...because you could be realizing these things at my age...
Why is it so hard for me to decide what I want. I mean, I know what I want but, am I afraid to be truly happy?
I talked to my brother today...he always has a way of keeping it real. He told me..."Laruga, it sounds like you already have your mind made up, but you just want someone to tell you what to do..." Ha! So true. Where's the trust? I need to trust myself...
Sooooo? What's the verdict?
I haven't got a clue...
Just kidding...
When I think, think, and think some more...things become much more complicated somehow.
When I feel what is in my heart...it all comes down to the simplest of things...
Love is where its at...I feel I'm ready...
My Soul Is A Candle
28.12.07
My Soul Is A Candle
My soul is a candle that burned away the veil;
only the glorious duties of light I now have.
The sufferings I knew initiated me into God.
I am a holy confessor for men.
When I see their tears running across their cheeks
and falling into
His hands,
what can I say to their great sorrow
that I too have
known.
The soul is a candle that will burn away the darkness,
only the glorious duties of love we will have.
The sufferings I knew initiated me into God.
Only His glorious cares
I now have.
~St. John of the Cross
My soul is a candle that burned away the veil;
only the glorious duties of light I now have.
The sufferings I knew initiated me into God.
I am a holy confessor for men.
When I see their tears running across their cheeks
and falling into
His hands,
what can I say to their great sorrow
that I too have
known.
The soul is a candle that will burn away the darkness,
only the glorious duties of love we will have.
The sufferings I knew initiated me into God.
Only His glorious cares
I now have.
~St. John of the Cross
Part of me feels like a little girl...a girl who is a bit lost, and unknowing what life will bring. Maybe it isn't such a bad thing. I dunno. It is just how a feel today for some reason. I'm doing my best to go with the flow...however there is a part of me that seems to be growing impatient. I have gone through much acceptance of where I am at at the moment. Do I follow my heart and leave caution to the wind?...or do I buckle down and get down to business??? Or can I have both??? Hmmmmmmm. That would be nice.
"Dig Here," The Angel Said
27.12.07
"Dig Here," The Angel Said
She caught me off guard when my soul said to me,
"Have we met?"
So surprised I was to hear her speak like that
I chuckled.
She began to sing a tale: "There was once a hardworking man
who used to worry so much because he could
not feed and clothe his children and
wife the way he wanted.
There was a beautiful little chapel in the village
where the man lived and one day while
he was praying, an angel
appeared.
The angel said, 'Follow me.' And he did out into an ancient forest.
'Now dig here,' the angel said. And the man felt strength in
his limbs he had not known since youth and with just
his bare hands he dug deep and found a
lost treasure, and his relationship
with the world changed."
Finding our soul's beauty does that--gives us
tremendous freedom
from worry.
"Dig here," the angel said--
"in your soul,
in your
soul."
~St. John of the Cross
She caught me off guard when my soul said to me,
"Have we met?"
So surprised I was to hear her speak like that
I chuckled.
She began to sing a tale: "There was once a hardworking man
who used to worry so much because he could
not feed and clothe his children and
wife the way he wanted.
There was a beautiful little chapel in the village
where the man lived and one day while
he was praying, an angel
appeared.
The angel said, 'Follow me.' And he did out into an ancient forest.
'Now dig here,' the angel said. And the man felt strength in
his limbs he had not known since youth and with just
his bare hands he dug deep and found a
lost treasure, and his relationship
with the world changed."
Finding our soul's beauty does that--gives us
tremendous freedom
from worry.
"Dig here," the angel said--
"in your soul,
in your
soul."
~St. John of the Cross
Magic is everywhere. I was so touched by a fellow blogger and friend's (Tracy) story surrounded around a book that has come into both of our lives...named Love Without End, by Glenda Green. I try not to sound too preachy, but this book has changed my life and focus tremendously. I feel sincerely lucky and blessed that it has come my way, and has touched me at the perfect time in my life...when ready to receive many of the truths in the book. For me, everything resonated because while reading I found myself energized, hopeful...and comforted in the beauty we all share and have. And...its funny because its something I began to realize while visiting India...How true wisdom is really centered around the heart. This way of being is something I do my best to continually go back to and it has been fulfilling and simply wonderful. We all know this stuff to our very core...but, it always helps to be reminded, and to then continue to practice it in our day to day lives. I'm still learning...I'm still processing...but delving into the heart is an exciting place to reside. Its so powerful and humbling in the same breath. Feeling the bigness and smallness of who we are is inspiring...and connects us all.
Peace With In
26.12.07
"Do not believe those who tell you that you must change the world. It is easy to see that such attempts have always brought temporary results at best. Change your mind about the world. See the world as an extension of your mind. Find peace and love within and it will automatically project itself outward into the world."
He stepped out the door and I followed him.
"The second part, 'but find it everywhere,' refers to this shift. This is the miracle of enlightenment. When you seek peace where it is, within, then you find it everywhere, even in the world. When you seek peace where it is not, or outside, then it is nowhere to be found. When you find the peace within, you are able to see the truth..."
(excerpt from Emissary of Light, by James F. Twyman)
As this year begins to wind down...I feel something new emerging from the depths of my soul. Its time. Am I up for the challenge? I hope so. However, this time around it won't be me trying to make something happen or trying to control...I'm connecting to something larger than myself...where the true power is...
Moving forward I have been blessed with new insights and wisdom that have come my way by true grace. There is an excitement that comes when I feel that I am learning and I look forward to more growth and learning. Its all an amazing process...How the pieces of the puzzle start to fit together.
When I sit back and observe I am amazed at what has developed. To feel this love that I have felt...all I can say is that I'm left speechless and inspired beyond comprehension. What I'm feeling is incredible...I'm sincerely thankful to have witnessed and been a part of the only thing that is real and that is love...
He stepped out the door and I followed him.
"The second part, 'but find it everywhere,' refers to this shift. This is the miracle of enlightenment. When you seek peace where it is, within, then you find it everywhere, even in the world. When you seek peace where it is not, or outside, then it is nowhere to be found. When you find the peace within, you are able to see the truth..."
(excerpt from Emissary of Light, by James F. Twyman)
As this year begins to wind down...I feel something new emerging from the depths of my soul. Its time. Am I up for the challenge? I hope so. However, this time around it won't be me trying to make something happen or trying to control...I'm connecting to something larger than myself...where the true power is...
Moving forward I have been blessed with new insights and wisdom that have come my way by true grace. There is an excitement that comes when I feel that I am learning and I look forward to more growth and learning. Its all an amazing process...How the pieces of the puzzle start to fit together.
When I sit back and observe I am amazed at what has developed. To feel this love that I have felt...all I can say is that I'm left speechless and inspired beyond comprehension. What I'm feeling is incredible...I'm sincerely thankful to have witnessed and been a part of the only thing that is real and that is love...
Seasons In The Mind
23.12.07
Seasons In The Mind
There are seasons in the mind,
great currents, and winds move there,
the true yogi ties a rein to them; a power plant
he becomes.
Winter, spring, summer, fall: these are pages
in a book the advanced can turn to,
and impart.
Order is a great benefit to the seeker,
otherwise living in one's house can become as
walking through a marketplace
where all the merchants keep shouting,
"You owe me."
That does not sound like
much fun,
and who could accomplish anything
in all that
noise.
~Kabir
There are seasons in the mind,
great currents, and winds move there,
the true yogi ties a rein to them; a power plant
he becomes.
Winter, spring, summer, fall: these are pages
in a book the advanced can turn to,
and impart.
Order is a great benefit to the seeker,
otherwise living in one's house can become as
walking through a marketplace
where all the merchants keep shouting,
"You owe me."
That does not sound like
much fun,
and who could accomplish anything
in all that
noise.
~Kabir
The week went by so fast. I dropped the B.F. at the airport. I was sad and very happy at the same time. My week was filled with more love, connection and happiness than I have ever known. Its an amazing time. We will see each other again very soon...
That Lives In Us
19.12.07
That Lives In Us
If you put your hands on this oar with me,
they will never harm another, and they will come to find
they hold everything you want.
If you put your hands on this oar with me, they would no longer
lift anything to your
mouth that might wound your precious land--
that sacred earth that is
your body.
If you put your soul against this oar with me,
the power that made the universe will enter your sinew
from a source not outside your limbs, but from a holy realm
that lives in us.
Exuberant is existence, time a husk.
When the moment cracks open, ecstasy leaps out and devours space;
love goes mad with the blessings, like my words give.
Why lay yourself on the torturer's rack of the past and future?
The mind that tries to shape tomorrow beyond its capacities
will find no rest.
Be kind to yourself, dear--to our innocent follies.
Forget any sounds or touch you knew that did not help you dance.
You will come to see that all evolves us.
If you put your heart against the earth with me, in serving
every creature, our Beloved will enter you from our sacred realm
and we will be, we will be
so happy.
~Rumi
If you put your hands on this oar with me,
they will never harm another, and they will come to find
they hold everything you want.
If you put your hands on this oar with me, they would no longer
lift anything to your
mouth that might wound your precious land--
that sacred earth that is
your body.
If you put your soul against this oar with me,
the power that made the universe will enter your sinew
from a source not outside your limbs, but from a holy realm
that lives in us.
Exuberant is existence, time a husk.
When the moment cracks open, ecstasy leaps out and devours space;
love goes mad with the blessings, like my words give.
Why lay yourself on the torturer's rack of the past and future?
The mind that tries to shape tomorrow beyond its capacities
will find no rest.
Be kind to yourself, dear--to our innocent follies.
Forget any sounds or touch you knew that did not help you dance.
You will come to see that all evolves us.
If you put your heart against the earth with me, in serving
every creature, our Beloved will enter you from our sacred realm
and we will be, we will be
so happy.
~Rumi
I feel blessed, I feel thankful...I sitting here in amazement with all that I feel...that is all I can say right now...
Spiritual Health
17.12.07
Spiritual Health
A good gauge of spiritual health is to write down
the three things you want most.
If they in any way differ,
you are in trouble.
~Rumi
A good gauge of spiritual health is to write down
the three things you want most.
If they in any way differ,
you are in trouble.
~Rumi
Well...the B.F.'s flight is delayed...and its waaaaay past my bedtime time...so I sit and wait. Trying to stay awake...and occupied. Why am I so calm? The nerves haven't hit yet. This is strange...
The Time Has Come...
16.12.07
The B.F. is flying in tonight. Late. I can't believe it. I can't believe I am gonna see him again. It will all be very telling on many different levels. How have we prevailed after all this time? And...why am I absolutely drawn to him? It is all unexplainable. Never would I have thought I would be feeling this now a year ago...
I struggle with being deserving. I have run from it in subtle ways. I only allow someone in only so much. Sad...several days ago I almost wished he would call and tell me that he didn't want to come see me because as f#*@ed up as it sounds it all scares me to open myself up again...to open my heart to someone. However, in the short time that we met...He wouldn't stand for it...pushing me ever so gently to surrender. Also, just being an example of not holding back. I have met very few males that are so free and unabashed with their feelings...so honest about it. I've learned well.
Without thinking too much into the future...All I could ever want from him is to see his smile. I love that smile. And...to just wrap my arms around him...and embrace all that he is. What more could I want...I mean that's how it all started, that's when I knew for sure...was the first time we hugged...
So how did it all start? Well, we met in India...and somehow traveled on to Thailand together. And...some of the stuff we went through!! I can't even go into detail. But, through all of that we still managed to find the love...why would I ever doubt?
I struggle with being deserving. I have run from it in subtle ways. I only allow someone in only so much. Sad...several days ago I almost wished he would call and tell me that he didn't want to come see me because as f#*@ed up as it sounds it all scares me to open myself up again...to open my heart to someone. However, in the short time that we met...He wouldn't stand for it...pushing me ever so gently to surrender. Also, just being an example of not holding back. I have met very few males that are so free and unabashed with their feelings...so honest about it. I've learned well.
Without thinking too much into the future...All I could ever want from him is to see his smile. I love that smile. And...to just wrap my arms around him...and embrace all that he is. What more could I want...I mean that's how it all started, that's when I knew for sure...was the first time we hugged...
So how did it all start? Well, we met in India...and somehow traveled on to Thailand together. And...some of the stuff we went through!! I can't even go into detail. But, through all of that we still managed to find the love...why would I ever doubt?
See If They Wet Their Pants
See If They Wet Their Pants
The words Guru, Swami, Super Swami, Master, Teacher, Murshid,
Yogi, Priest,
most of those sporting such a title are
just peacocks.
The litmus test is:
hold them upside down over a cliff for a few hours.
If they don't wet their
pants
maybe you found a real
one.
~Kabir
The words Guru, Swami, Super Swami, Master, Teacher, Murshid,
Yogi, Priest,
most of those sporting such a title are
just peacocks.
The litmus test is:
hold them upside down over a cliff for a few hours.
If they don't wet their
pants
maybe you found a real
one.
~Kabir
Yeah...I'm still a poser...hahahaha...
Emissary of Light
"Fear is the only thing that is standing between you and your experience of love," he said to me one day as we sat beside the river. "It seems you are afraid of so many things, perhaps everything. The ego searches for and finds everything it can to latch on to and make fearful. But the fear was there already. It was already within you. It seems we are afraid of this thing or that, but in reality we are only afraid of one thing--love itself. And because we are in truth the very essence of love, we are afraid of ourselves. We therefore create a false-self, one that is vulnerable and easily attacked. This keeps us from seeing the source of fear, our own mind, and lets us point to an endless number of things that seem to be out of our control in order to justify our fear.
"And what makes you think you don't deserve love? What ever happened that makes you hide from who you really are? Does it really even matter? There comes a point when nothing means anything and you fall flat on the ground and ask for help. You're tired of hiding. You've been defending yourself for so long that you can't hold your arms up anymore. You surrender. You just can't play the game anymore.
"And that's when it happens. Suddenly you open your eyes and see something incredible. Your own holiness and innocence are held out to you, shining in perfection..."
(excerpt from Emissary of Light, by James F. Twyman)
Its when I read things like this...and there have been moments where I have felt it...where I know in my heart everything will be...just as it should...and I'll be ok. As the walls start to crumble, that I have built...brick by brick...I must not judge it...however, there comes a time when the demolition must begin. And just when I think one wall is ready to come down...wow...I find there are others...Damn...this is hard work. Like my dear friend told me...sometimes we have to do things not because we want to, but because we have to...
"And what makes you think you don't deserve love? What ever happened that makes you hide from who you really are? Does it really even matter? There comes a point when nothing means anything and you fall flat on the ground and ask for help. You're tired of hiding. You've been defending yourself for so long that you can't hold your arms up anymore. You surrender. You just can't play the game anymore.
"And that's when it happens. Suddenly you open your eyes and see something incredible. Your own holiness and innocence are held out to you, shining in perfection..."
(excerpt from Emissary of Light, by James F. Twyman)
Its when I read things like this...and there have been moments where I have felt it...where I know in my heart everything will be...just as it should...and I'll be ok. As the walls start to crumble, that I have built...brick by brick...I must not judge it...however, there comes a time when the demolition must begin. And just when I think one wall is ready to come down...wow...I find there are others...Damn...this is hard work. Like my dear friend told me...sometimes we have to do things not because we want to, but because we have to...
On A Day When The Wind Is Perfect
15.12.07
On a Day When The Wind Is Perfect
On a day
when the wind is perfect,
the sail just needs to open and the world is full of beauty.
Today is such a
day.
My eyes are like the sun that makes promises:
the promise of life
that it always
keeps
each morning.
The living heart gives to us as does that luminous sphere,
both caress the earth with great
tenderness.
There is a breeze that can enter the soul.
This love I know plays a drum. Arms move around me;
who can contain their self before my beauty?
Peace is wonderful,
but ecstatic dance is more fun, and less narcissistic;
gregarious He makes our lips.
On a day when the wind is perfect,
the sail just needs to open
and the love starts.
Today is such
a day.
~Rumi
On a day
when the wind is perfect,
the sail just needs to open and the world is full of beauty.
Today is such a
day.
My eyes are like the sun that makes promises:
the promise of life
that it always
keeps
each morning.
The living heart gives to us as does that luminous sphere,
both caress the earth with great
tenderness.
There is a breeze that can enter the soul.
This love I know plays a drum. Arms move around me;
who can contain their self before my beauty?
Peace is wonderful,
but ecstatic dance is more fun, and less narcissistic;
gregarious He makes our lips.
On a day when the wind is perfect,
the sail just needs to open
and the love starts.
Today is such
a day.
~Rumi
Ahhhh...Rumi is such good medicine...
A Great Yogi
13.12.07
A Great Yogi
In my travels I spent time with a great yogi.
Once he said to me,
"Become so still you hear the blood flowing
through your veins."
One night as I sat in quiet,
I seemed on the verge of entering a world inside so vast
I know it is the source of
all of
us.
~Mira
In my travels I spent time with a great yogi.
Once he said to me,
"Become so still you hear the blood flowing
through your veins."
One night as I sat in quiet,
I seemed on the verge of entering a world inside so vast
I know it is the source of
all of
us.
~Mira
How Did The Rose?
12.12.07
How Did The Rose?
How
did the rose
ever open its heart
and give to this world all of its beauty?
It felt the encouragement of light against its being,
otherwise we all remain too
frightened.
~Hafiz
How
did the rose
ever open its heart
and give to this world all of its beauty?
It felt the encouragement of light against its being,
otherwise we all remain too
frightened.
~Hafiz
This morning after practice I met a former yoga student of mine for coffee to catch up. After several questions I found myself saying I don't know quite a bit...and again, and again...I dunno...I dunno...I dunno...I dunno...I dunno...I dunno...Like a broken record.
After some refection I find myself feeling as if I don't even know who I am anymore. Every identification I have ever known has slipped through my fingers all in the past year. Who I felt I knew turned into something else...paths I thought I would go down twisted and turned. Nothing is solid...I'm not sure if or when I will feel my feet fully planted on the floor. I've lost things I felt were most dear to my heart...and it is so true...life is impermanent.
I feel as if I have no answers or the right questions to ask...
I don't know where I'm going...its all wiiiiiide open...this shit is scary.
I feel so much...sometimes I feel like I feel too much. Why am I so sensitive? Sometimes it sucks. But, this wall I've built up is crumbling down...No more control.
What does this mean? God only knows. I'm tired of trying to figure any of it out. Because I don't know a damn thing. Can you say clueless?
Am I ready? Ready to face the truth?
And...then I read this excerpt in the book I'm reading...
"Isn't it curious that the very source of our liberation is the very thing over which we are fighting?"
(Love Without End, by Glenda Green)
Ahhhhhh...yes...I can relate to this...
After some refection I find myself feeling as if I don't even know who I am anymore. Every identification I have ever known has slipped through my fingers all in the past year. Who I felt I knew turned into something else...paths I thought I would go down twisted and turned. Nothing is solid...I'm not sure if or when I will feel my feet fully planted on the floor. I've lost things I felt were most dear to my heart...and it is so true...life is impermanent.
I feel as if I have no answers or the right questions to ask...
I don't know where I'm going...its all wiiiiiide open...this shit is scary.
I feel so much...sometimes I feel like I feel too much. Why am I so sensitive? Sometimes it sucks. But, this wall I've built up is crumbling down...No more control.
What does this mean? God only knows. I'm tired of trying to figure any of it out. Because I don't know a damn thing. Can you say clueless?
Am I ready? Ready to face the truth?
And...then I read this excerpt in the book I'm reading...
"Isn't it curious that the very source of our liberation is the very thing over which we are fighting?"
(Love Without End, by Glenda Green)
Ahhhhhh...yes...I can relate to this...
Relationship Booster
Relationship Booster
Here is a relationship booster
that is guaranteed to
work:
Every time your spouse or lover says something stupid
make your eyes light up as if you
just heard something
brilliant.
~Rumi
Been feeling a bit wired. Going to bed well past midnight...then up before dawn ready for practice without taking a nap during the day. I usually don't work this way. Not sure where this extra energy is coming from.
Uncovered more regarding my dream. I know some may say dreams are dreams...but, this was different and it brought with it something for me to know and realize. It is reminiscent of a dream I had over a year and half ago that had the same intensity...and there is a connection. That's all I'm going to say about it at this point...but I will say, its time for me to 'wake up' to something...
Here is a relationship booster
that is guaranteed to
work:
Every time your spouse or lover says something stupid
make your eyes light up as if you
just heard something
brilliant.
~Rumi
Been feeling a bit wired. Going to bed well past midnight...then up before dawn ready for practice without taking a nap during the day. I usually don't work this way. Not sure where this extra energy is coming from.
Uncovered more regarding my dream. I know some may say dreams are dreams...but, this was different and it brought with it something for me to know and realize. It is reminiscent of a dream I had over a year and half ago that had the same intensity...and there is a connection. That's all I'm going to say about it at this point...but I will say, its time for me to 'wake up' to something...
The Snake
11.12.07
In My Soul
In
my soul
there is a temple, a shrine, a mosque, a church
where I kneel.
Prayer should bring us to an altar where no walls or names exist.
Is there not a region of love where the sovereignty is
illumined nothing,
where ecstasy gets poured into itself
and becomes
lost,
where the wing is fully alive
but has no mind or
body?
In
my soul
there is a temple, a shrine, a mosque,
a church
that dissolve, that
dissolve in
God.
~Rabia
In
my soul
there is a temple, a shrine, a mosque, a church
where I kneel.
Prayer should bring us to an altar where no walls or names exist.
Is there not a region of love where the sovereignty is
illumined nothing,
where ecstasy gets poured into itself
and becomes
lost,
where the wing is fully alive
but has no mind or
body?
In
my soul
there is a temple, a shrine, a mosque,
a church
that dissolve, that
dissolve in
God.
~Rabia
I woke up this morning suddenly out of a dream that was so unbelievably vivid, almost frightening, but significant somehow....It left me pondering the meaning, of which, only I can begin to discover. However, for some of those who read my blog, and have some experience with dream interpretation I would welcome and love any and all feedback.
So...in my dream I'm in a fenced in area for some reason, and there are a few others inside of no significance that I know of. Then...all of a sudden I see the biggest, most vividly colored snake of red, black and yellow, coiled out side the fence...And this massive snake is standing up like a cobra would...but this snake wasn't a cobra. Soon, it makes eye contact with me and my initial reaction is...Oh my God! I gotta get away from this thing. Then it starts to make its way inside the fence, and I sense as the snake makes eye contact with me that its coming right for me...determined. Intuitively, I know that like it or not it was coming in my direction. However, I am completely frightened beyond belief. As I try to get away...the creature keeps shifting, and I feel like I have no where to go as it closes in on me. Before I know it the snake leaps at me getting ready to bite for my upper back, behind the heart as I try to turn and get away...From there I about jump out of my skin and wake up!
I haven't had a dream like this in a long time...and it was strange because this morning I had an anxious feeling...like a heaviness. As I tried to get through my morning practice I made it about half way and just started crying...so many emotions flooded out. I mean, this doesn't happen to me all that often...tears during practice.
So...I'm left wondering...what does it all mean. But, again, sometimes I have a tendency to think too much about this stuff. I dunno. It has been an interesting time.
So...in my dream I'm in a fenced in area for some reason, and there are a few others inside of no significance that I know of. Then...all of a sudden I see the biggest, most vividly colored snake of red, black and yellow, coiled out side the fence...And this massive snake is standing up like a cobra would...but this snake wasn't a cobra. Soon, it makes eye contact with me and my initial reaction is...Oh my God! I gotta get away from this thing. Then it starts to make its way inside the fence, and I sense as the snake makes eye contact with me that its coming right for me...determined. Intuitively, I know that like it or not it was coming in my direction. However, I am completely frightened beyond belief. As I try to get away...the creature keeps shifting, and I feel like I have no where to go as it closes in on me. Before I know it the snake leaps at me getting ready to bite for my upper back, behind the heart as I try to turn and get away...From there I about jump out of my skin and wake up!
I haven't had a dream like this in a long time...and it was strange because this morning I had an anxious feeling...like a heaviness. As I tried to get through my morning practice I made it about half way and just started crying...so many emotions flooded out. I mean, this doesn't happen to me all that often...tears during practice.
So...I'm left wondering...what does it all mean. But, again, sometimes I have a tendency to think too much about this stuff. I dunno. It has been an interesting time.
New Moon
10.12.07
"Miracles come to those who appreciate the miraculous nature of all life and surrender to the experience of it. The creator will amaze you every now and then with spectacular exceptions to ordinary reality, but only to get your attention. Never will He dazzle you in order to separate you from the miraculous potential within all reality. This is because miracles bring fulfillment to reality --not a diminishment of it."
(excerpt from Love Without End, by Glenda Green)
This book I'm reading right now is blowing my mind in all the right ways. Actually, it is one out of 3 books I'm reading. I have a crazy habit of reading several books at a time. I like to have something on hand that is mystical in nature, along with a nonfiction, and a fiction...having a taste of all three categories quenches my thirst cerebrally. Anyways...its not very often that a book comes along that starts to change my life...or at least change my view on life. However...I must say somethings come along at just the right time when one is ready. Maybe I'm ready...maybe I'm not.
With my mind and heart expanding in every direction, and at the same time life starts to become more simple...I'm beginning feel a comfort that I haven't experienced before in many ways. Though it is important to remember that I could read a million books and have memorized them word for word...nevertheless, if I don't put into practice what resonates within my heart I will never really 'know'...However, with a simple shift within my heart...everything seems as it should be.
(excerpt from Love Without End, by Glenda Green)
This book I'm reading right now is blowing my mind in all the right ways. Actually, it is one out of 3 books I'm reading. I have a crazy habit of reading several books at a time. I like to have something on hand that is mystical in nature, along with a nonfiction, and a fiction...having a taste of all three categories quenches my thirst cerebrally. Anyways...its not very often that a book comes along that starts to change my life...or at least change my view on life. However...I must say somethings come along at just the right time when one is ready. Maybe I'm ready...maybe I'm not.
With my mind and heart expanding in every direction, and at the same time life starts to become more simple...I'm beginning feel a comfort that I haven't experienced before in many ways. Though it is important to remember that I could read a million books and have memorized them word for word...nevertheless, if I don't put into practice what resonates within my heart I will never really 'know'...However, with a simple shift within my heart...everything seems as it should be.
Counting Down
9.12.07
It's so funny. The last couple posts I have been writing about practicing being present. Being in the now. Believe me, its something that doesn't come easy for me...but I'm working on it. And, it has really helped me cope with certain things in the last few months. But, I have to admit...I am greatly anticipating seeing my boyfriend this coming Friday. You don't even know. After two and a half months being apart...and both of us having been through quite a bit in that time. There are very few things that could bring me more joy than to see his happy, healthy, shining face after all this time. What is so great is that we have gone through a huge amount of growth since we have been apart and it just feels so good to know I will see him again...and it will be very telling for both of us. I'm amazed that through it all we have prevailed.
Open to Possibilities
7.12.07
"Gratitude like faith, is a muscle the more you use it, the stronger it grows, and the more power you have to use it on your behalf. If you do not practice gratefulness, its benefaction will go unnoticed, and your capacity to draw on its gifts will be Diminished. To be grateful is to find blessings in everything. This is the most powerful attitude to adopt, for there are blessings in everything."
~Alan Cohen
I've been experimenting with being open with possibilities with the my next phase of my life. I have found in the past that many times I have always been looking forward that I would miss precious moments in the present...its kind of exciting being in the unknown...not knowing what will come next or having everything mapped out for my future. Its not like I don't want to have a path. But, presently I am tuning into to something more real...and I feel like I'm being guided. Open...present...aware...these are qualities that I have been embracing at the moment...listening, watching, observing...this is so new for me...and I am really enjoying what is possible. Believe me I still have a vision. However, it is important to be clear first.
~Alan Cohen
I've been experimenting with being open with possibilities with the my next phase of my life. I have found in the past that many times I have always been looking forward that I would miss precious moments in the present...its kind of exciting being in the unknown...not knowing what will come next or having everything mapped out for my future. Its not like I don't want to have a path. But, presently I am tuning into to something more real...and I feel like I'm being guided. Open...present...aware...these are qualities that I have been embracing at the moment...listening, watching, observing...this is so new for me...and I am really enjoying what is possible. Believe me I still have a vision. However, it is important to be clear first.
I'm Enough
6.12.07
"Everything we do is infused with the energy with which we do it. If we're frantic, life will be frantic. If we're peaceful, life will be peaceful. And so our goal in any situation becomes inner peace. Our internal state determines our experience of our live; Our experiences do not determine our internal state."
~Marianne Willamson
Practice this morning was a bit of a struggle. I felt tighter than usual...the volume of my mind was turned way up...not sure why. There was a point where I felt as if I just wanted to quit and stop practicing. However, I kept going...body strong...mind weak. Anyway...as I started to make my way through most of the second series...everything went calm in my mind and with relief this voice inside me simply said..."you're enough." Then I had an overwhelming sense of well-being rise up inside...that validated my being enough...through my acceptance and willingness to see this as truth. See...this is something I have always struggled with for as long as I can remember. Feeling as if I wasn't enough...for my relationships, for my position, my job, my status...whatever...you name it. Its exhausting feeling as if there is always something to be improved upon...never being satisfied with who I was at any given moment. What a drag. And, as I sat with this feeling of being enough...during practice it felt wonderful to let go of this old belief. Because when you hold on to beliefs that don't serve you they just keep playing out in your life...and quite frankly I 'm tiered of all that. When we start to tap in to who who really are it becomes evident that we are no better or no less than anyone else...and that is how we can start to genuinely connect with others...the piece of the puzzle that we have to bring is essential to the greater, larger whole...and that is our gift only we can bring forth if we allow it to happen...So, now that I'm doing my best to settle into this way of being...no striving...no reaching...no grasping...Just being fully present with who I am...that is enough!...and then I can tap into the gifts that will radiate from that place...How amazing!! I welcome it! As the layers start to peel away life seems to be more real...some how. From a place of truth and knowing there is a comfort that comes when we start to feel what we are really made of...
~Marianne Willamson
Practice this morning was a bit of a struggle. I felt tighter than usual...the volume of my mind was turned way up...not sure why. There was a point where I felt as if I just wanted to quit and stop practicing. However, I kept going...body strong...mind weak. Anyway...as I started to make my way through most of the second series...everything went calm in my mind and with relief this voice inside me simply said..."you're enough." Then I had an overwhelming sense of well-being rise up inside...that validated my being enough...through my acceptance and willingness to see this as truth. See...this is something I have always struggled with for as long as I can remember. Feeling as if I wasn't enough...for my relationships, for my position, my job, my status...whatever...you name it. Its exhausting feeling as if there is always something to be improved upon...never being satisfied with who I was at any given moment. What a drag. And, as I sat with this feeling of being enough...during practice it felt wonderful to let go of this old belief. Because when you hold on to beliefs that don't serve you they just keep playing out in your life...and quite frankly I 'm tiered of all that. When we start to tap in to who who really are it becomes evident that we are no better or no less than anyone else...and that is how we can start to genuinely connect with others...the piece of the puzzle that we have to bring is essential to the greater, larger whole...and that is our gift only we can bring forth if we allow it to happen...So, now that I'm doing my best to settle into this way of being...no striving...no reaching...no grasping...Just being fully present with who I am...that is enough!...and then I can tap into the gifts that will radiate from that place...How amazing!! I welcome it! As the layers start to peel away life seems to be more real...some how. From a place of truth and knowing there is a comfort that comes when we start to feel what we are really made of...
What the...???
5.12.07
Laughter Came From Every Brick
Just these two words He spoke
changed my life,
"Enjoy Me."
What burden I thought I was to carry--
a crucifix, as did He.
Love once said to me, "I know a song,
would you like to hear it?"
And laughter came from every brick in the street
and from every pore
in the sky.
After a night of prayer, He
changed my life when He sang,
"Enjoy Me."
~St. Teresa of Avila
Love this picture. My boyfriend sent it to me and had me guess what it was...actually he gave me only 3 guesses. I didn't have a clue. So...what do you think it is??? I'll give you 3 guesses.
Had meditation group tonight. We meet about every three weeks. Its a group of yogis, body- workers and light seekers. Cool stuff. Many seem to feel a shift coming on...for those who are sensitive. I don't know if I am in touch with this, but I have been feeling a shift within myself...almost like it is really time for me to do 'the work' and release internal blocks that are getting in the way of my true potential. Seems to be an interesting time for many...
"When we blindly adopt a religion, a political system, a literary dogma, we become automatons. We cease to grow." ~Anais Nin
Had the pleasure of helping out a friend today around her house...getting ready for winter and the holidays. We always have great conversation and I am sincerely thankful for her positive energy. It feels nice to be able to talk to someone about things that matter in life. We really root each other on and congratulate each other when needed...its good to have soulful friends.
I'm so excited! I'm gonna see my boyfriend soon...finally! Its been almost two and half months...
Had the pleasure of helping out a friend today around her house...getting ready for winter and the holidays. We always have great conversation and I am sincerely thankful for her positive energy. It feels nice to be able to talk to someone about things that matter in life. We really root each other on and congratulate each other when needed...its good to have soulful friends.
I'm so excited! I'm gonna see my boyfriend soon...finally! Its been almost two and half months...
Feeling Funky
2.12.07
"The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say."
~Anais Nin
I woke up today feeling...not so good...not so good at all. Couldn't even finish my practice this morning...joints ached... felt chills all day, like my bones were cold...and my head felt whoozy. So, I forced myself to take it easy. Which can be challenging for me...not sure if it was those mimosas I had yesterday. More and more I am finding that I am becoming more sensitive to things that are blow the standards of healthy...since most of the time I do my best to follow a healthy diet and lifestyle. Intuitively, I'm done with alcohol...and I don't even drink that often if at all...but I really feel like I'm done with it...
~Anais Nin
I woke up today feeling...not so good...not so good at all. Couldn't even finish my practice this morning...joints ached... felt chills all day, like my bones were cold...and my head felt whoozy. So, I forced myself to take it easy. Which can be challenging for me...not sure if it was those mimosas I had yesterday. More and more I am finding that I am becoming more sensitive to things that are blow the standards of healthy...since most of the time I do my best to follow a healthy diet and lifestyle. Intuitively, I'm done with alcohol...and I don't even drink that often if at all...but I really feel like I'm done with it...
Beginnings & Endings
1.12.07
"Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish it's source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, or tarnishings."
~Anais Nin
Strange day...went to a wedding and then a funeral. The wedding was a full on Catholic wedding with mass...lots of standing and sitting throughout. However, I really enjoyed the ceremony, it was beautiful and moving. If feels nice to see others happy, celebrating their love. When its my turn, I'm keeping it simple, simple...can you say elope. With it being an early wedding at the reception my friend and I took the liberty of drinking quite a few mimosas...ha! Good times...we hadn't caught up in a while...I hadn't laughed that much and for that long in quite a while. Laughter is one of the highest vibrations we can embrace.
Funeral was short and sweet...even though its sad to say goodbye...it feels good to celebrate a life...
~Anais Nin
Strange day...went to a wedding and then a funeral. The wedding was a full on Catholic wedding with mass...lots of standing and sitting throughout. However, I really enjoyed the ceremony, it was beautiful and moving. If feels nice to see others happy, celebrating their love. When its my turn, I'm keeping it simple, simple...can you say elope. With it being an early wedding at the reception my friend and I took the liberty of drinking quite a few mimosas...ha! Good times...we hadn't caught up in a while...I hadn't laughed that much and for that long in quite a while. Laughter is one of the highest vibrations we can embrace.
Funeral was short and sweet...even though its sad to say goodbye...it feels good to celebrate a life...
The most beautiful emotion we can experience is the mystical. It is the power of true art and science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead. To know that what is impenetrable to us really exists, manifesting itself is the highest wisdom and the most radiant beauty, which our dull faculties can comprehend only in their most primitive forms~this knowledge, this feeling, is at the center of true religiousness."
~Albert Einstein
Friday is my primary series day. Trying to keep with tradition...I like it. Experimenting with strongly connecting to the core central axis the body...while allowing the outer body to be super soft and supple...interesting...
Hung out with my dad tonight...we watched Peaceful Warrior...I really enjoyed the movie. There are many truths spoken in the film. Good stuff. The book is great too. I recommend it to anyone who has not read it yet. Check it out.
~Albert Einstein
Friday is my primary series day. Trying to keep with tradition...I like it. Experimenting with strongly connecting to the core central axis the body...while allowing the outer body to be super soft and supple...interesting...
Hung out with my dad tonight...we watched Peaceful Warrior...I really enjoyed the movie. There are many truths spoken in the film. Good stuff. The book is great too. I recommend it to anyone who has not read it yet. Check it out.